Very tired tonight....

I had a really good Bible study this morning about the 1 Cor. 9:19 and following. Paul starts out by stating that he is free but that he chose to give up his freedom to win others to Christ. He talks about becoming all things to all people and then he talks about intentionally taking charge of his own body so that he would win the prize. He talks about going into training like athletes--saying that while the athletes do it to win a crown that won't last, but we "go into training" for a crown that lasts forever. That whole passage was very meaningful to me personally, but I am absolutely exhausted, so I will write about that tomorrow. I overworked today, and I'm way too tired, so I am going to bed.

Competition

Psalm 19 "Forgive myhidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight. O Lord, my Rock, my Redeemer!"

I have identified one of the problems I have had in the past with my weight loss efforts as my tendency to be very competitive. I want to learn all I can about God's view on this subject, because a little competitiveness is motivating, as long as we can cheer others onto success as well. Unfortunately my competitive nature has resulted, in the past, in all or nothing mentality. The first time I lost 78 lbs. on Weight Watchers, I did not get off the program in any way for three months. When my leader found out I had not cheated even once, he encouraged me to get off at least once. I did, and that was the beginning of months of yo-yo dieting that resulted in discouragement and guilt and eventually I abandoned the diet.

Because wanting and needing to lose weight has been a life-long problem for me, and because I suffered a lot of abuse growing up as a fat child, this has been an extremetly emotional journey for me. Guilt and shame were the biggest obstacles to any real, thought out plan to lose weight. Also, to my shame, because of my competitiveness and because I was so shame based as a young woman, I couldn't for many years rejoice with even people I loved who were able to lose weight. I felt anxious and threatened by others' success. God has worked on that mental and emotional barrier for years, and I have learned that others' successes only mean that I, too, can be successful with the right attitude. I think wanting to be the best at water aerobics or wanting to accomplish the goals I have set for myself is healthy. That is why I am asking for accountability. But, as I learned in my Bible study of Phil. today, my weight loss journey cannot be about me but it has to be about glorifying God.

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus; who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross.: Phil 2:1-8

I can see now that all of those years when I lost a chunk of weight here and there, I became prideful, vain and judgemental of others. I thought that losing weight made me more important than I was. At the same time, the more weight I lost, the more my anxiety grew, and finally I would get off the program, only to descend into guilt and depression, and self-recrimination. In other words, it was all about me.
I know now that the only success we can have is to submit ourselves to the power of the Holy Spirit in our "hidden faults" like Psalm 19 says. Other people may not have the same issues I do with weight, but I think we all have our prideful/self-defeating areas that must be submitted to the Holy Spirit. I don't want this journey to be about selfish ambition or vain conceit. I want it to be a demonstration of God's power and ability to change something in me that I absolutely cannot change on my own. For me, it is not about not knowing how to lose weight in a healthy way. For me, it is about submitting my stubborn will and pride to God....to consider myself nothing in comparison to Jesus...to be willing to be obedient and humble, especially as I become successful losing weight. I can never be about me, or I will lose "every ounce" of success I have. I know this about myself. I want my children and friends to look at this part of my life, see the work of the Holy Spirit and know and glorify God and His power. I know the tools and the accountability are important. But even with all of the right tools and with the accountability of all of my loved ones, I will not be successful at this goal or any other unless I humble myself and become obedient....and not give in to vanity or selfish ambition. It's not about me.

Running the Race....

I had a killer workout in hydro conditioning tonight. We were running and jumping and using weights, weighted balls, kick boards and other stuff for the whole hour, plus I went early and worked out an extra 15 minutes on my own. I did that for 2 reasons--the water was FREEZING and I wanted to burn off the extra calories I got from drinking a choc. soy milk thing...that made me sick. (Yes, Jerri, you are still allergic to soy! I always think my food allergies are a fluke and that I can try those foods again. I read an article about combining soy and whey and speeding up weight loss) I don't need to speed up my weight loss. My goal is 10 lbs. per month, and I lost a solid 10 lbs. in January. So that is telling me another thing--I'm in danger of taking on this "project" myself again. I need to get back to seriously searching the scriptures for help with this--and talking to God about the emotional things that keep coming up instead of just casually thanking Him for "helping me" stay on track. He isn't "helping me"--He is enabling me, strengthening me and renewing my mind in this area. I want to give Him every "ounce" of the glory, because I have proven over and over again that I cannot lose the weight I need to lose on my own power. It is beyond my ability to stick with it for a lifetime. So, from now on, I am going to include the main points I learn from my time with God every day, along with my calories and exercise. God is my strength....on my own, I'm pretty wimpy.

That being said, there aren't any wimpy people on The Biggest Loser! I would never go on Natl. TV and weigh in front of the whole world. That is committment! I have been on my program as long as this season's group--I'm not discouraged that I've lost 10 lbs. to their 20,30,50 etc. I don't have all of that concentrated time to put into this. And patience with the process is something I need to learn. I need the spiritual lessons, too, and I need time for my emotions to catch up with the changes God is making in me. I'm way too competative in water aerobics (yes, there is room for competition), walking down the street..whatever. I think that is something I need to figure out. Where does competition come into play in the Christian life? I know selfish ambition and vain conceit...are rooted in evil. But Paul does describe the Christian life as a race that we must "run in such a way as to finish"....not "boxing the air"....that tells me we need to rush closer to God every day. I don't want to get caught up in the vanity of this endeavor. I know I am looking better and will, hopefully....and I am happy about that. I think competitiveness would be a good study for the next few days.

Better Day

Today was much better. Don and I slept in today and I got caught up with my sleep. I am going to try to stay on track with my sleep this week. It's easy to get behind.

Evidently, everyone in the free world except me (and Don) loved Juno! My son said,
"Didn't you think the girl was funny and smart?" Yes, but that wasn't the point.
The characters were entertaining and likeable, and the music was cute--although it did sound like something one of my kids made up when he was supposed to be taking a nap when he was preschool age--but everyone seemed to have the attitude--"WHATEVER!" (A cheerful "Whatever!" but still Whatever!) That is the most annoying expression in our modern language! But....
I think I am going to cut this short, and get some sleep, in fact. I worked out really hard in water aerobics tonight, so I am a little worn out. "Whatever!"

Have a good week, and let me know how I can pray for you all. (Or...."Whatever!")

Struggling

I'm struggling a bit today, and I just about decided not to worry about calories the rest of today, but this is me getting back in control. The main thing that is bothering me that I can do something about is that I'm really tired. Often that is the worst time for me. Instead of resting and going to bed early like I need to do,I want to wait up for Don, who has to work tonight, because he traded shifts with someone so that he can be off next Saturday and go to Alexandria with me. I am going to do my exercise video, work on my Beth Moore study and maybe paint a little before I go to bed early.

We went to a matinee of Juno this afternoon, and it really bugged me. Yes, the writing was witty and the characters were quirky, but I kept looking for the grown ups in the movie! I'm thinking that as long as everyone is perceived as being "real", "honest" and "genuine" in our culture today, it really doesn't matter whether or not they are moral, responsible or even intelligent. Every time we see a movie, I think we need to stop wasting our time and money on movies. Maybe we are just getting too old to relate to the "hip" generation....if we ever did in the first place. What we wanted to see was Untraceable, but we picked an off time. I wish we would have come home and spent time together here, and so did Don. The sermons on giving have been bothering me a little, too. I'm not sure why, because we are giving everything we can give right now, and we're faithful about it. I think it's because I don't know whether we should ever spend anything on ourselves--like movies.
All of the scriptures about taking care of the poor bother me, even though Don and I sacrifice to help others when we see a need. I know we have more than we need, so should we sell all that we don't need and give the money to the poor? I've noticed that most Christian people I know have pretty nice homes. Should we have nice homes? All we really need is a roof over our heads and clothes to wear. Those scriptures bothered me even when we didn't own a home and lived on the AF base....
The Christians in the first century gave up everything for the cause of Christ, and the church grew by leaps and bounds. Even the widow gave up her "mite". Are we Americans going to have to join the herds of camels trying to go through the eye of a needle? These are some of the things that bother me.....but it doesn't make any sense to eat over them, does it? :) So, I'm going to go down in my nice living room and use my exercise DVD....I wonder if people in the DR have to exercise. I imagine survival is exercise enough.

Lebanese food and oil paints!

I had a really nice Saturday. I switched to oils in art class, and I don't think I'll ever go back to acrylics. Oils are great! I think I use less paint with oils, because it never dries out! My instructor told me that it is worth the investment for me, because I'm a serious artist! I took that as a real compliment....she is a very accomplished artist with a master's in art, and she has taught on the university level. I listen to every word she says in class, and I never get bored. I love it. I am starting to think I should have majored in art instead of music and English. But I love music and writing, too. I don't want to be a Jerri of all trades and a master at none! :) I need to seriously focus on my children's books and writing, though, because I do want to accomplish something tangible with my work if I am going to invest the time and money into it.

My new friend Patricia asked me to go help her choose frames that would look good on her for her new glasses and then to go have lunch at a Lebanese restaraunt nearby. Hmmm....well, I wasn't sure about the calories of Lebanese food, and Fitday.com was pretty silent on the matter as well, but I ended up dissecting the ingredients online and getting a pretty good calorie count. As you can see, it must not be low calorie, even though it is vegetarian and the oil they use is olive oil. All I ate today that wasn't Lebanese was a bowl of oatmeal and biscotti with my coffee. Needless to say, dinner will be light. I did get a good walk in, and Patricia appreciated me having the prayer team pray for her brother. He made it through his open heart surgery just fine. She asked me if I prayed for him, and I said that I did and the prayer team did. She said that may be why he made it through surgery. I said that I believe in God and I believe He answers our prayers--sometimes with a no...but I'm glad it was a yes this time. After lunch we walked and then visited the galleries. Then, after Patricia left to get ready for a Ballet she was going to see, I walked up and down the streets in Old Town Alexandria. That's a good workout, because it is all up and down hill. I spoke with another class member today about church...and her church. She is really nice, too. This class seems to have a lot of really intent artists in it. I'm so thankful that Diane Sterrit told me about the Torpedo Factory. I never realized what a great resource for artists that it is. One of my classmates is a man who just got home from Iraq--a military man who recently retired. He is a comic book artist who wants to improve his craft, and he comes straight from class after working all night as a security guard. He doesn't drink coffee either! The thing I like the most is getting to talk to the artists in their galleries. They are SO encouraging, and I get so inspired by watching them work. There is so much I would like to try!

On a sad note, Little Man had his first mishap today. Chris called me when I was at the Lebanese restaraunt. He had set up Conner's bouncy seat--hanging from the door jamb kind of thing--following the directions to the tee as only my OCD son can do...just kidding about the OCD part. It's a family joke....started by his wife! Anyway, Chris is a perfectionist when it comes to getting things right. He lifted Conner up to test something, like the instructions said, and then I guess hung him up on the door.....Conner was bouncing away when the seat....the cloth part....broke!
Conner fell backwards out of the seat and banged his head. He had a bump on it, so they called his pediatrician....she gets called a LOT! Anyway, he had no scarey symptoms, so they just kept an eye on him. (I called back a few times. Patricia bet me that I would go check on him, but I assured her that I wouldn't, because I trust Chris and Cameron's judgement.) Chris already tried to call the Evenflow people--it was a brand new product just out of the box....a gift from the baby shower. He's also going to call the consumer safety people and maybe even 7 on Your Side to make sure they do a recall or something. It definitely should not have ripped like that. Conner was well under the weight limit.

Well, Don wants us to go out for dinner. I'm going to have a lot of fun trying to find an 80 calorie salad! :) I'll check in tomorrow.

POST DINNER OUT: We went to Golden Corral to allow many choices for eating healthy, and I did; although, I didn't eat only 80 cal. I ate one ounce of baked fish, one half cup mashed potatoes, one half cup each of boiled carrots and mushrooms, one salad and one dinner roll....calories for the day 1913...a little over but much better than I could have done! (I really wanted carrot cake, fried chicken and more dinner rolls....but resisted....something to be thankful for! And that food is more plentiful than we need in the USA) Tomorrow back under 1500. I told Don we are eating at home all day tomorrow. We try not to eat out more than once a week usually anyway.

Million Dollar Grandma!

Conner kept me busy all day long today! He was too cute, and spent the whole day gazing at me and laughing. I couldn't resist him. So I kept picking him up and changing locations, folding laundry, and picking him up. Once I rocked him in the rocking chair for a few minutes until both of us fell asleep. The day got away from me before I got any real exercise in, so I came straight home from dropping Conner off, ready to do my aerobics DVD in the living room. Son Don came home at the same time, ready to do some working out in the living room, too, because he left his boxing gear at home when he went to work this morning, so he didn't have it with him when he met his friend, who is a personal trainer, who has been teaching Don Moi Tai. Since we both wanted to work out in the living room, Don talked me into practicing his boxing with him. I was arguing with him as he handed me the boxing gloves and he took the sparring things. He said he wouldn't hurt me, he'd just teach me about boxing. First of all, this is the same son who dislocated Nathan's shoulder playing basketball a few weeks ago....not on purpose, but I know how strong he is--so I was more than a little hesitant! Secondly, Don forgot that my father was a Marine who was trained to kill with his bare hands and thought that was something his 10 year old daughter should learn! :) He not only taught me how to rip out someone's rib cage, rip off someone's jaw and shove someone's nose up into the brain, but he taught me how to block and how to punch. My son was pretty impressed that I knew the boxing moves, too. (I told him we practiced kick boxing in water aerobics, too....one of these days people will learn to respect water aerobics! Anyway, Don tired me out with the boxing, and then hubby Don came downstairs ready to see a movie, so I didn't get in any real serious exercise. We went to see Mad Money, and, as I thought; although the movie was funny, it made me mad, because crime was made to look like it paid off in the end! I like Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah, so that part was fun. But I'm tired of the bad guys looking sympathetic in movies. Tomorrow I'm taking over the living room before anyone else gets the chance....or I'll walk in Alexandria after my art class. Good night!

God is in control!

My whole day was a workout today! While Conner slept, I flew through the house, scrubbing and vacuuming floors, cleaning everything and doing laundry, and then I went to a friend's house and did almost two hours worth of fast housework there. So I let myself have some bread with my soup for dinner even though that made my calories go over. I burned them off--according to Fitday.com 1145 calories worth! In between I did my usual carrying Conner around, getting up and down from the floor with him, carrying him up and down the stairs, lugging his HEAVY car seat around, bathing him etc. I didn't even count that, so my day was a really good workout. I made homemade soup for dinner and bought whole wheat bread to go with it from Panera on the way home from dropping off Conner. Then I went to my friend's house and just came home and had my soup--I was REALLY cold, tired and hungry, and the soup was delicious. Both sons want to carry left overs to work tomorrow. I have some left for mine and Don's lunch, too. It's vegetable beef made with 86% fat free beef. It's my family's favorite.

Tomorrow I want to finish my laundry after I do my Bible study, and then I want to prepare my Bible class lesson for Sunday and write the rest of the day. Saturday I don't have to go to the commissary, so I would like to spend some of the afternoon going through the galleries at the Torpedo Factory. That really inspires me. Actually, yesterday inspired rather than discouraged me. At least a legitimate publisher is interested in my book, and that wasn't even my best book. I am going to put my heart into my work....whenever Conner is asleep or I'm up early in the morning....at least 2 hours a day, I would like to spend writing. And once a month I am going to spend a day sending out query letters.

I read something interesting in I Timothy tonight during my Bible study. I Timothy 4:1 says that in the last days some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons! That really explains how a large number of people are so threatened by the Word of God and the idea of one God and one Savior--and absolute truth. They are being deceived by evil spirits and demons! The great thing about that is we have the power to cast these demons out! Jesus' disciples rebuked the demons and they left people. We need to be bold in calling sin and Satan's lies what they are! He has no power over God's elect! He has already been defeated! I am not going to allow the Deceiver to deceive anyone I know--without a fight! I was reading scriptures on abandonment, because I realized that one of my struggles has been with insecurity, and we never have to feel insecure, even if everyone we love dies or leaves, because "our God is a merciful God. He will not abandon or destroy us or forget the covenant with "us" ( our forefathers) which He confirmed to them by oath. If God forgave and did not abandon Israel when they turned to other gods and rejected Him, then He will not abandon us when we have the Sprit of His Son living inside of us. I am amazed everyday, how God leads me as I study His word. I felt worried last night when I went to bed, because so many things are up in the air as far as Don's job--and two of our boys work for the same company he does....etc. But reading tonight comforted me, and praying gave me confidence. God is in control.

Pay Attention, Jerri!

I had a disappointment today. I received a packet with an offer to publish my book, Pay Attention Andy. Iniatially it looked like a really good offer, and the publisher has been around since 1920. They offered everything from printing to publicity and promotions, but I would have to pay a subsidy on the first prints of the book, which I have heard that first time authors do these days. It is too much money to risk on my first book that may or may not earn enough money to regain the investment, so I'm going to tell them no when I talk to the editor that was assigned to my book this week. I checked out the publishing company at Barnes and Noble's data base, and it is a legitimate company that publishes children's books. They offered to put my book on Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com and make it into an ebook as well as put it in print. They said they would design the cover with my input and place it in libraries etc. It sounds like they offer a lot, but I was actually hoping to get paid to publish my book by the publisher. Not only that, I have a series of books in mind along those lines and ideas about promoting them myself, so I'd rather self-publish than pay a $6000-$10,000 subsidy. I'm just going to keep trying. The good news is that I didn't eat over my limit, even though I did too much running around to exercise....I went to the library and Barnes and Noble to check out the publisher. I'm going to bed now--tomorrow is another day! :)

Down 10 lbs.---one week to go!

Hey, anyone who wants to lose weight--try watching Biggest Loser AND exercising with your computer with a Biggest Loser DVD! Actually tonight, I had three DVD's I checked out of the library, and I worked out with all three while Biggest Loser was on the TV. Needless to say, hubby watched TV downstairs--he can't take the music on the Biggest Loser; although, he will for me, but I didn't even ask him to deal with it from two different sources! Before I did the Biggest Loser DVD, I did a Latin hip-hop dance DVD. That one was challenging, and myheart rate got up, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even get on the score card on Dancing with the Stars, even if I was Marie Osmond. I gave it a good try, and got through two segments of it. Then I got all of the way throught another 15 minute Dance DVD...it was just fancy low impact aerobics, really. Then I did 50 minutes of the Biggest Loser Low Intensity work out with warm up and cool down. I was really sweating with that one. I think it's a keeper. First Don came up, then both of my sons came home and I was still working out with the computer and the TV on. One of my sons asked, "What is all of this chaos up here?" He just patted me on my sweaty back and went to bed shaking his head. The great news is that, as of this morning, and the mood my scale was in this morning, I have lost 10 lbs. and have reached my January goal. Anything I lose next week will be extra! And I am going to say, "Thank You, God, for giving me strength and for giving me friends and family who love and support me!" I'm not going for the giant weight losses I see each week on Biggest Losers, but after that DVD tonight, I can see how they do it. I think I'm going to buy that one for myself.

Today I wanted to go to the Bettenhaus' son's funeral, but I had Little Man, and I ended up having to take him to the doctor with Chris, so I didn't get to go. I didn't know them well, but their sons are my sons' ages, so I can imagine what they are going through. I am going to send them a card and keep praying for them. Death is such a horrible inevitability. If it wasn't for Jesus and His loving sacrifice for us, loving our families and friends would be unbearable. The only thing I really want from this life is to go to Heaven and for everyone I love to be there too--even the ones I don't necessarily know enough to love. :) I can just imagine the heaviness of heart Jesus felt as He sat on the mountain looking down at Jerusalem, knowing He would "gather them together like a mother hen gathers her chicks" but they would not have it. I feel that heaviness of heart about loved ones who aren't believers. I wish they could feel God's love for us.....I don't think anyone could fail to respond to that--if they believed. Once, when I started to realize some of the depth of God's love and grace for us, I commented to a friend, "It's too good to believe." He said, "It's too good NOT to believe." and he was right.
The older I get and the longer I am married to Don, the more I realize what loving someone with all of your heart costs. It takes over your heart, and it leaves open the door to inevitable loss. With Don, I am contented, knowing he will be in Heaven and we will be together. But, I can't imagine not being with him here if he dies first!
He is my best friend and the only person in the world who truly knows me and loves me, warts and all! The beautiful thing about Don is that he loves me and doesn't try to change me, but he cheers me on as I strive to change and grow. He has always been that way! I think that is his gift....he knows how to love unconditionally and to really want the best for others, and he inspires me to want to be better. That is such an awesome gift. He used to feel anxious about losing me or one of the boys, but he has grown so much in his understanding about the loving nature of God.
Bruce's class on prayer helped us both and some reading that Don has been doing has given him serenity about the future. I have never seen him as peaceful as he has been lately, and I love seeing that.
It was fun going to the pediatrician with Chris and Conner. I bathed Conner and dressed him up in his button fly jeans and doggie shirt that I got him for Christmas--Cam packed that for him today. Chris met me and followed me to the doctor's office, and he showed up looking just like Conner--well, he didn't have on a doggie shirt, and I don't know about the button fly thing, but he had on nice jeans and a nice shirt. They looked like yuppy Dad and yuppy Baby. All of the moms and Grandmom's, nurses and doctors fussed over him. I wasn't only proud of my Little Man, but I was proud of Big Daddy Man, too. He's such a good Daddy! Conner really loves him, and Chris fusses over him as much as Cam and I do. Conner was in such a good mood today, too. I bought him three new books over the weekend, and when I read a book by Sandra Boyton "Doggies!" he laughed and laughed. I couldn't help but stop and laugh too. Don got home right before I had to leave for the doctor, so we were reading that book to Conner, and he laughed again. I guess it's because he has a really assertive dog at home--a border collie, named Dylan--and then our Charlie, who is a toy poodle. I'm sure enjoying our little guy! ( Thank You, God, for Conner, too!) I promise I will post some more pictures very soon. I want to figure out how to get them off of my camera. Ahhh! This is a LONG post...sorry! THE END

Marching On

My blog is turning into a diet blog again. There are more things going on in my life, but this one is requiring so much of my focus. Today was a really relaxing day off for Don and me. We call Mondays our Funday Mondays, but today we both just wanted to hang out at home together. We really enjoyed our weekend, in general. I was a little surprised how well it went considering Don Sr. Jr and one of Don's friends moved a bunch of furniture most of the day Sat. But Don rested up, and he's just been feeling great all weekend. Another exciting thing is I am ready to do the illustrations for my children's book. I think I mentioned yesterday that we got some oil paints for me to use in art class. I really wanted to try oils, so now I'm really looking forward to my class next week. I suddenly have so many ideas for my writing, but we had such a busy weekend that I haven't had a chance to get anything written down. I am going to work a little tonight, because everyone went to bed early, and the house is quiet.

I hope everyone is praying for Bob and Tresa and their kids this week. The kids are in Arkansas visiting. I heard that Bob is doing a little better than he was doing.
I hope what I heard is accurate.

Pray also for Lisa and Tim Bynum, Lindsey and Ethan....they are in the Dominican Republic. I love their family. I worked with Lisa,and she is a very positive person. I'm going to miss seeing them.

Don and I went to the small group that meets at the church last night. Our official small group doesn't meet very often, but we love the people in it. We meet with the Sundlings, the Kerns, sometimes the Krawczyks and sometimes the Shavers for special occasions and to attend special events. Roland and Grace lead the marriage group, so we don't meet as a group often, but we do offer one another support and encouragement and friendship. But Don and I wanted to meet with a group regularly, so we started going to the building. That's a fun group, too....and very serving.
We had a good time last night. We've known Larry and Cindy Jeter for years and years--they were on Bolling AFB with us before we moved to Centreville, and then "coincidentally" they moved within a few blocks of us in Londontowne! Now they live in Chantilly. But they feel like family to me and Don. I'm glad we are going to be in the same small group. And both of them are interested in art classes too, so we talked about the Torpedo Factory.

I think I mentioned the Bucket List. It was a really good movie but frustrating to me on some levels. I won't spoil it for you, but I'll just say that I think both of the men's bucket lists were pretty incomplete....but I would think that. I love the idea though. I think we should all renew our bucket lists every day. For those who don't know about the movie, it's about making a list of everything you want to do before you "kick the bucket". What would you put on yours? :)

Blessings and a Fun Day with Hubby

Today was a great Lord's day. The day started out with Don talking to me about a book he is reading, 90 minutes in Heaven, about Don Piper's story about when he was in a terrible car accident, and he says he went to right outside the gates of Heaven and talked to loved ones who had died before him. It was great to hear the effect that man's whole story is having on Don, and since I read the book right after my dad died, we had an interesting talk about it. Worship service was good, and then Bible class was fun, teaching the kindergarten class with Mary Jane McGibony and leading my 1st grade Prayer Circle. We met two visitors and also the wife and daughter of a friend of ours. Then Don and I went to lunch at the Olive Garden, which I was a little nervous about. But I did very well, and I thank God for the clarity of thought and purpose I had when it was time to order. I did NOT order an appetizer, (calamari, which I really like a lot!). It was so cold here today, so I ordered vegetable minestrone instead of salad, had one bread stick and half of an entree of shrimp primavera with whole wheat pasta, which was labled as low fat. I saved the other half of my entree for another meal. Then Don and I went to the art store to get supplies for my class--I'm switching to oil painting. After that, I walked for exercise in the mall for over half an hour while Don did some shopping.
Then we went to our small group and saw The Bucket List after that. That is a really good movie, by the way. We have been so busy for the past few weeks that we haven't really had a date. I was really glad to be able to order the healthiest food at the Olive Garden and stayed really close to 1500 calories today. Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. I was really tempted to order calamari today--I always do when we are at a restaurant that serves it, but knowing I would have to write it down and that it would probably put me over my calories--I resisted.
And I didn't feel deprived at all. I was able to have a little popcorn at the movie and still not go over in calories.
As for the annoyance I was feeling over something that happened last week, I felt very much part of the fellowship today and really enjoyed worship service and small group. I knew that if I owned the feelings, they would dissipate. I know that I am responsible for how I choose to feel at any given moment. Satan loves to put barriers in our hearts. He didn't win today. I probably overreacted just because I have been feeling a little out of sinc.

Purging

Today, I was amazed by what God did. A woman from my art class asked me to go to lunch with her. It wasn't amazing that someone wanted me to go to lunch, but this is what God always does: He sends the person I would least expect into my path. It always happens. Last "semester" two young women asked me to do things with them after class....one was a stay at home mom, very sweet and bright, and the other one was a prosecuting attorney in Alexandria, also very bright, and both of them were quite beautiful...neither the kind of women I would expect to want to hang out with me, a Grandma type. We are still friends, even though we're in different classes now. Anyway, last week I noticed this woman in class who was a little older than me, and who was very bold in expressing herself to the teacher--quite argumentative, actually. She also was very vocal during both the teacher's lecture time and during our work time, choosing to add something to her painting that wasn't set up on our still-life, because she didn't like what the teacher put up there. (That caused some discussion between her and the teacher, obviously). Well, after class she asked me to have lunch with her.
My instinct was to say no, because I was a little leery of her boldness. But I've prayed for God to send people my way, so I said yes. Well, I took my time ordering lunch, choosing baked salmon, rice and veggies, to choose healthier food than the gyro sandwich and fries I had last week. (Ugh!) Anyway, she chose the same food and then asked about my diet. I told her the whole story...beginning with counting calories and exercising...but emphasizing my the support I am receiving from praying, studying the Bible, blogging with my friends and family, and from my husband etc. She seemed very interested and ended up sharing with me about her daughter who has a serious weight problem--probably needs to lose more than 200 lbs. Her daughter doesn't live nearby, but she will visit in the coming weeks. I hope to meet her, too. Our talk was great, and we learned a lot about each other.
I'm thinking God has a purpose in mind.

I am also hoping after I lose my weight that God will use me to help people who have significant, life-long struggles with serious weight issues. I have already been told by several of my water aerobics instructors over the years that I should get certified to teach water aerobics. What I would like to do is start some kind of program that would draw out (I AM NOT going to say "morbidly obese" people, because when I was a lot heavier than I am now, a doctor called me that--and it sounded like he was saying'You're too fat to live!' which he really was) anyway, seriously overweight people who might not even want to leave their homes. Most of the time, people who have those kinds of problems--are isolated by choice, because it is too painful--or impossible--for them to go out in public. I would like to do something to reach the souls of people--start a ministry--something someone who has never had a serious weight problem wouldn't be apt to do. But first I have to deal with my own problem--take the giant log out of my own eye. :)

That brings me to something I know I need to deal with more than just in my prayers.
I have been noticing that I am angry more than usual since I have been seriously working on my food issues. It's not like some buried anger that bubbles over--I dealt with that years ago in counseling. I get angry when I think I am not being respected by others, especially by people I think should automatically treat me with respect, i.e. Christians, extended family members etc. When I'm not using food as a buffer, I seem to feel the pain and indignation of this more acutely. I don't react immediately to people outside of my family--and I don't have a problem with telling my family how I feel...and sometimes even just letting something go if I know the other person is having a bad day. But what is bothering me is repeat offenders....people who are rude to me on a regular basis...who don't know me...and who I can't even
recall a reason why they might treat me a certain way. Don says, "You can't let it bother you--just realize it's that person's problem." I know he's right....and I'm not saying I'm impossible not to like...but it still bothers me. Maybe, now that I've admitted that it bothers me, it won't anymore. I just don't think there should be snobbery among Christians. But, as my wise husband also says, every sin known to man will find its way into Christian circles--that's why we all need Jesus. My tendency is to want to call people on it when they ignore me or exclude me in subtle ways--women are so good at that. I also have a real tendency to avoid being around large groups of women because of that--so I exclude, first. But most women don't treat me that way, and it's silly and probably sinful of me to avoid being around my sisters just because a few of them are rude to me. I know the key is focusing on other people....and keeping my mind off of myself. I do that most of the time, but now that I'm not comforting myself with food anymore, I am more annoyed. Don't worry, I'm not going to run around demanding respect and wreaking havoc in the church. And I imagine that if you're reading my blog, you aren't someone who excludes me from your fellowship circles. And I know this to be true--Jesus wouldn't have prayed that we would be able to love one another if it was easy to do. He was certainly excluded, spat upon, tortured and murdered....thinking about those things usually help me, too. Why should I expect far more than Jesus did--why should I expect anything? But, I'm realizing, chewing away on something I shouldn't is easier than swallowing my pride, and giving people the benefit of the doubt. A very wise person--actually the person from whom I received counseling years and years ago--acknowledged my feelings about being marginalized. He sat in the fellowship hall observing a group of women as we prepared for a meal one Sunday. Later, in counseling, he asked me about that day and how I thought it went. I told him I had felt shoved to the side, and he told me he had watched it happen. Then he said something I will never forget,
"If someone doesn't like me, I assume they just don't know me yet, and if they knew me, they would like me. I think that's true of you. If those women let themselves get to know you, they would like you." That statement really did change my perception of myself. What a generous thought. Now I feel better.

Digging Deeper

Today was really nice. I thought I would sleep in, since Prince William County schools had a two hour delay, but I actually got up at 5:30 and got quite a bit accomplished before Conner and Cam got here. Last night I stayed up until 11:30 doing my Bible study....I studied about how God's anger was dissuaded by Moses when He had planned to wipe out the Israelites for idolatry. Moses convinced Him to keep the promise He had made to Abraham, Isaac and Israel, even though the descendents were rebellious. I thought a long time about that. God changed His mind, even though He had a very good reason to wipe out the Israelites. He allowed Moses to convince Him. So I prayed again for people I know who have turned their backs on God. Moses sought to be righteous before God, and I need to do that too, if my prayers are going to be answered on behalf of others. That is one more reason to stay with my plan to rely on God and get closer to Him as I turn over this part of my life to Him.

Although I hesitate to be a "follower of Oprah", there is no arguing with her success in her weight loss efforts, and I admire her wisdom in surrounding herself with people who are experts in whatever her pursuits happen to be. So I have Bob Greene's book....I got it for Christmas a year ago. But now I'm reading it. One of his suggestions was making a list of important things in your life and assigning a + to the things that are going well and a - to the things that are not. Whenever tempted to mindlessly (or emotionally) eat, the idea is to go down that list and work on whatever needs to be fixed. He says people should make amends where needed, take initiative where needed, be creative where that's needed--basically, take action rather than mindlessly or emotionally eating. Eventually eating for other reasons will take a backseat to actually living life and taking action on things that will make a real difference in life.
Here are some things I want to improve:

-Write every day...pray that God will lead me and FINISH things
_spending more of my time with Don NOT talking about the kids (doing things we like)
quality of conversations with my mom and brother
-plan something extraordinary to do with Don to serve God together
-use time with friends wisely
-Finish some of my sewing projects for my family
-Write in Conner's journal
-develop our pictures
-Think about Don and Elise's wedding and plan some time with Kristen to talk about it.
-Plan something special to honor Don and Elise
-Become the best artist and writer I can....glorify God with my work
There are some deeper issues that I won't blog about, but God and I have a list. Some things I can't change, but I am praying that He will change them. God knows the desires of my heart....and the value of eternity.

Knee Mail--special blog edition

My brother-in-law, Les, always sends me great emails. I'm not a "passer on" of emails, but this one was great and falls in line with my blog this year.

Here it is:

Sounds like some great resolutions to me !




Rules from God for 2008
1. Wake Up !! Decide to have a good day. "Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" Psalms 118:24
2. Dress Up !! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart." I Samuel 16:7
3. Shut Up!! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. "He who guards his lips guards his soul." Proverbs 13:3

4. Stand Up!!... For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything.. "Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..." Galatians 6:9-10
5. Look Up !!... To the Lord. "I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

6. Reach Up !!... For something higher. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, And He will direct your path."
Proverbs 3:5-6
7. Lift Up !!... Your Prayers.
"Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING."
Philippians 4:6

Send this to the people you care about.
I thought this was mighty special, just like you.
Pass this on and brighten someone's day, and remember:

God answers Knee-Mail.

Thanks, Les! (He is a reader of my blog who doesn't comment here, but who encourages me anyway.)

Needing a "Do-Over"

I had kind of a weird day today. First of all....I didn't get my sleep last night.
Don was up and around organizing his vitamins and then reading with the light on after I had fallen asleep and accidentally woke me up. I couldn't get back to sleep until 3 AM. I had to get up at 7, so I only got four hours of sleep. I tried to nap when Conner did, but I don't sleep well when I know he is here....I put him in his little bouncy seat next to me on the couch, but I only dozed. But I didn't study my Bible or exercise like I needed to while he was sleeping. I had planned on going to water aerobics tonight, because other plans we had were cancelled due to the snow. But I fell asleep after Cameron picked up Conner (I usually drop him off, but her car is better in the snow.) I woke up when Don came downstairs and said he wanted to make it up to me for waking me up last night by taking me out for dinner. I didn't get a salad, but I didn't get anything awful for me. I got a breakfast supper with whole wheat pancakes. But that put me over, because I ate the lunch my son packed today but forgot to bring, which was a sandwich with tortilla chips. So my calories were up, and my exercise was down....all due to a mess up in my schedule.
My plan is to do my Bible study now and do some stretches before I go to bed. If I do aerobics now, I won't sleep again, and the whole process will start over again. So, I'm going to consider today a lesson learned.....don't let anything deter me from getting my sleep, AND as sweet as the intention was, taking me out for dinner is not a good way to make up for my lack of sleep! Tomorrow is a new day....

A fun day with Conner.

Conner and I had such a fun day today. I know everyone will probably think I'm delusional, but I'm almost certain he said, "Grandma" twice today. He was intently watching my mouth as I kept saying words to him. When I said, "Grandma" he said something that started with the letter "G", so I repeated it, and he made the same sound! Okay, you can laugh at me now! Also, we were practicing rolling over today...well, Conner was....I already know how to do that. Anyway, he hates being on his tummy, because he's so used to being on his back. So I got down on the floor with him and his toys and put him on his side and kind of tipped him over on his back. (Don't worry...his pediatrician said it was a good idea.) He tumbled over on his back, and kind of looked like he wanted to fly....looking very startled as he did so. I remember that look on my babies' faces when they accidentally rolled over on their backs from their tummies. I applauded and cheered, so he decided, reluctantly, that we were okay....but only twice. The third time, Conner decided he wanted no part of that experiment, and so we were done. I made it up to him by rocking him in my rocking chair for a long time. He promptly went to sleep, keeping one eye slightly open so he could keep an eye on Grandma just in case she got any more bright ideas. When Grandad got home, we had a competition to see which name he would say, and then Uncle Don came in and got in on the fun....Conner enjoyed being the center of attention. I was IMing his daddy while all of this was going on, so Grandad put Conner in my lap and he "typed" lots of gibberish to his daddy. Chris said he typed the way he talked. When I waved goodbye to Little Man tonight, as he was sitting in his Daddy's lap, he kept moving his hand like he might wave bye bye.

Tomorrow we're going to go to the commissary before the snow is supposed to hit us in the afternoon. Conner's an old pro at the commissary now. I guess I'm getting to be more of a pro....our first trip back in November took four hours, because I kept stopping to feed him, change him etc. Now I'm in and out in an hour. I used to take four little boys to the commissary when Don traveled....and the youngest were babies at the same time! I can't remember how I did it! Of course, we lived on the base most of that time....only a block away from the commissary.

This evening I walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes...and I didn't let myself hold on....aka the instructions of the personal trainers on the Biggest Loser. People kept getting on and off of the treadmills next to me, and I kept on going. After my 45 minutes, I tried running on the elliptical machine. It kind of made my right knee bend a little too much, which it needs to do, so I may do that again in the future. I've also discovered the fitness channel. Don got a kick out of me trying the "shimmy" last night....he said he liked that exercise, but I'm not sure I'm going to let him watch that channel with me. :) (I did use some muscles I haven't used much before.)

The rest of the week, I am going to blog about my Bible studies. I really appreciate the encouragement I have been getting from everyone. It's amazing how much it helps--thanks especially to Barbara and Jaime!

Learning to Perservere

I am going to get a little more particular about the make up of my diet and try to stay at 1500 calories. I have lost 7 lbs., which is pretty good for two weeks. My goal is 10 lbs. per month. I need to make sure I get the nutrition I need, and I don't want to slow my weight loss down. I am going to read some of Bob Greene's book on weight loss, because it has some biochemical knowledge included in its advice. I'm also going to make sure I get 8 hours of sleep every night. I think my lupus is flaring up, because I have been putting a little too much stress on my body. Getting the sleep I need will relieve some of the stress that the changes I'm making will cause.
I have noticed that I use food to avoid strong feelings of sadness, grief and stress. Since I haven't been eating irresponsibly, I have been feeling a lot more frustration, sadness, and annoyance. But I've also been having a lot more feelings of peace and joy, because I am giving my problems over to God and His care. I'm feeling taken care of by God. I realized that, although I have believed in God and prayed to Him, I have been relying on myself. Not now....I can't change these eating habits by myself. God is giving me self-control and thoughtfulness.

I am starting to notice some changes in my blood sugar and my clothes, so both of those are gratifying. Also, several people have told me they are following my blog, and that is encouraging. I know God is giving me some answers for myself, and I know He will continue to help me as long as I keep asking Him....and acting on my committment.

Conner had his four month check up Saturday, and the doctor said he is doing great. He weighs 18 lbs. and is in the 95th percentile both in height and weight. He had two vaccines, and so today he wasn't as smiley as usual. He still smiled and laughed at me, and I promise it sounded like he said, "Grandma!" He's such a sweetie pie....I want to be around to see this little one graduate from college...and my other grandbabies.

Don and I watched part of Biggest Loser tonight. It is definitely inspiring to see people putting their all into getting in shape. I love watching people be successful at difficult things. I love getting inspired. I want to be inspiring to others. I want to" Let my light so shine before others that they will see my good works and give glory to my Father in Heaven." So many have inspired me in so many ways--Bob and Tresa Roth--the Schwamb family--and others. I am thankful that I know them and their faith.

Good but Stressful Day

Today was a stressful day, but I didn't eat in reaction to stress, and I exercised too, so I feel good about today. I'll write more tomorrow, but I'm exhausted from the day and ready to relax with Don. Thanks for the feedback I've been getting--it's nice to get encouragement. I hope to encourage you, too.

Day with Don

I didn't do any exercise at all today. Tomorrow I am getting back to exercising.....part of the problem was my legs still hurt. The other part was that Don and I had so many things to take care of today. Tomorrow we are going to the gym together to lift weights and I'll do water aerobics.

Worship was wonderful this morning. Don and I talked about our giving today. We give a pre determined amount every week, but we are thinking of upping that a little and then more after we know what Don's job situation will be. Please be praying about his job. A lot of things are up in the air right now.

Pray for our friend, Bob Roth and our little friend, Lauren Schwamb. Both are really struggling right now.

A Little Off Today

Today was kind of a hard day for me, because I didn't feel very well. I think it was the combination of an allergic reaction to carrots that I had last night, the Benydril I had to take to get rid of the hives I had on my face and the fact that I've been in a lupus flare up. I did make it to art class, but my knees and legs hurt really badly whenever I went from sitting to standing or walked upstairs. I really wanted to walk today, because it was a beautiful day, but after only going to a couple of galleries, I gave up and went back home. I also ate too many calories for breakfast and lunch, so supper put me way over. I'm not worried about it....according to Fitday, I burn a lot more calories than I ate today anyway.
And, even though Don and I treated the kids and their friends to pizza, he and I had chicken noodle soup and a sandwich for dinner. I could have skipped dinner, but I would have been too hungry by morning, because I didn't eat a lot of food at breakfast and lunch...just too many calories, because I ate a gyro for lunch and a breakfast sandwich for breakfast. I really do better eating at home, but I usually eat lunch out on Sat. after art class. I should have had oatmeal at home, but I was up late....Benydril....so I drove through McDonald's. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. I'll swim tomorrow if my legs still hurt, and I'm going to do yoga before bed tonight. Art class went well.....

Four Months of Blessings!

Sorry for not posting any pictures of Conner in a long while....I have a lot of pictures to develop, and my printer/scanner is broken. Today is Conner's 4 month birthday! He is so cute and sweet. He let me get a lot of work done today, but I couldn't resist holding him and rocking him. He and I brought some food to friends and we got really lost together. Conner seemed to be singing along with 91.9 with me while we were looking. He's really the best little baby!

We need to be praying for Bob Roth. He is not getting over the pneumonia very fast, and yesterday was the first day he had been out of bed in three weeks! His brother is coming in from Germany to take the kids to visit him next week. For anyone who doesn't know Bob, he and his wife are the most awesome people with such a strong faith in God. Bob has multiple myeloma....he was in remission in October, and his bloodwork looked good in November, but he had a rabid outbreak of cancer in December!
He's had extensive chemo and a bone marrow transplant (his third)....and now he has pneumonia. Still Bob and Tresa are sharing their faith with others. Bob and Tresa have five young children, and Lesa, Tresa's sister who is caring for the children, has five of her own. They are an inspiring family.

Tomorrow is my art class--for real this time. I hope to make a quick trip to the commissary and then back home to work on my illustrations for my book. Have a great weekend!

Long, good day

I am tired tonight, so this will be short. For some reason I have been tired today, but I did I have a lot of energy for my workout; although, I didn't have enough time to do a full hour. I did a LOT of housework today in between taking care of Little Man. He was great today, as usual, but on the way home he kept fussing, even with 91.9 on....he usually sings along with the music with me. When I got him home, I saw why....his stocking cap had fallen down over his eyes and face! I'm taking the cap off in the car from now on! Thank goodness the knit on it is pourous. Well, I'm going to bed....Don's already gone up. I hope you all aren't too bored by my blog today....too tired to be unboring.

A Day Among Days--in a Good Way

Well, today was one of the best days I've had so far this year! Little Man and I had so much fun together! He has been so much fun lately anyway-- with his little toothless sideways grin.....and he's laughing ALL of the time now. I have to say that taking care of him is really deja vu back to Christopher, who also had that little sideways toothless grin! Conner sat with me while I did my Bible study this morning, which I did out loud part of the time, because he thought I was talking to him! He really thought that Matthew 4 and 5 were funny! :) Then, I bathed him and fed him, fed me and we went for a 4 mile walk out in the beautiful sunshine. We went to the bank and Starbucks where I fed him a bottle and me a iced venti Americano (zero calories except for skim milk that I put in....) (Did I mention that hubby got me a Starbucks card for my stocking...oops I mean Santa.) Then it was time to take Little Man home, and he sang along with 89.1 all of the way home. Chris called while I was driving, and Conner thought I was talking to him, so he started "talking" really loudly. (Did I mention that we have a very LOUD family?)
Anyway, after I dropped Conner off, I came home and made dinner for Don and me--seriously, I think our food bill is going to shrink considerably when it's just Don and me at home. I made a meal out of three chicken thighs, one baked potato, which we split and some peas. (We're both trying to lose weight--I'm not being stingy.)

My Bible study today was from Matt. 4 and 5--Jesus' fast and subsequent temptation by the devil and then on into the sermon on the Mount, because I think "the blesseds" are important whenever I'm trying to make a change in my life. Change almost always brings both encouragement and criticism from those closest to us, so it's good to remember that we shouldn't be discouraged about things people say to us. I try to remember how hard it's been for me when someone close to me makes a lifestyle change, and then I don't get discouraged when I meet resistance. Luckily for me, Don is enthusiastic and encouraging--the boys are kind of sort of interested but not really--they've seen me go through similar but not the same committments before. Grace was really encouraging yesterday, and so was Jaime and my cousin. I like it when, although I've been through the motions of trying to change something and failed, people still believe me and encourage me when I try again. Don has always been that person for me--I can't understand how, after 32 plus years of watching me lose and gain weight, that he still believes me that I will do it this time...and that I will become a published writer! That is really love, and he makes me realize how valuable it is that Christ does that for us ad infinitim! (I think that means forever!) And, just like Christ, even when I mess up, Don still believes in me, and loves me. I think Don is one of the reasons I haven't given up on myself...he just keeps believing that God and I will do whatever we want to do together! I hope I do that for him...he deserves that from me!

Down Four Lbs.

Yea! Four lbs. is not bad considering I was above my 1500 calorie goal most days last week. Yesterday I went to Ladies class and then my friend Grace and I went to Meadowlarke Gardens and walked for a little over an hour. It was like a windy spring day yesterday. Then, at home, I made dinner, cleaned some, and went to bed early, because I was so tired. My calories would have been good, except I ate a bag of cashews on the way home from dropping off Little Man. Would have been better off using my Starbucks card and drinking coffee...no calories there, but I had to get gas, and I was hungry. Not a good combination, but at least I got nuts and not a candy bar or something.

My cousin lost five lbs. last week. She is using the same website I am....FitDay.com, to track her calories, her exercise and to journal. I don't journal there--I use my blog and my Bible study notebook. My studies lately have been really good. I finished all of the food related subjects from my Bible, but I decided to go through all of the New Testament and write notes on anything that might pertain to weight loss, self-discipline, and other positive aspects to getting rid of overeating in my life. Who knows, by the end of the year, maybe it will be a book. I think I am also going to post pictures of myself each month with Little Man to document my weight loss. The one above is a good start, because I don't like myself in that picture. Conner was a newborn there. I need a more recent one. I'll post that later. Well, Little Man is calling.....we're going for a walk. It's beautiful again. I'll post again tonight. Thanks for the encouragement! :)

Busy Day

Don and I had a pretty busy Monday off. He helped me catch up on some laundry, and I took down all of the Christmas decorations and packed them away. I took the tree down on New Years' Day, but I wanted to leave the lights up longer. I just couldn't bear having Christmas lights up on such a warm, spring-like day! I fully intended on getting out and walking in the beautiful weather, but I ended up cleaning all day! Don played Frisbee golf and then worked out at the gym. I went to the gym after dinner and did water aerobics. It felt so good to get in the pool. My legs are sore from all of the walking I've been doing, but the water aerobics workout is really a lot more challenging and burns more calories. The downside of exercising at 7PM is that I am wide awake at 11:21! (That also comes from sleeping late on Mondays with Don, but I'm not complaining!)

Some really great news is that one of the publishers I contacted about my children's book, Pay Attention, Andy, emailed me and requested my manuscript! Yea! I did some editing and wrote out what kind of illustrations I want to use....I actually hope to do the illustrations myself, and they are open to that.....and I emailed it back tonight. They asked me to respond quickly, so I did. I hope this works out to be something serious, but if it isn't, I'm still going to keep trying.

Well, it's officially way past my bedtime, and I'm going to pick Little Man up tomorrow, so I'm outta here! I'm weighing in tomorrow morning, and I'll report in tomorrow night! Thanks for your prayers and support.

Day with Don

Today we said goodbye to the Bynum's at church as they are going to the Dominican Republic to be missionaries. I am going to miss seeing them, even though we never spent much time together. I am excited for them, though.

Don and I went hiking together today, and we ate out at lunch, but both of us did really well with our calories--at lunch. We had popcorn at the movies and skipped dinner, but popcorn at the movies has a lot more calories than a healthy dinner. So my calories are too high today. I am going down to 1500 calories starting tomorrow. I was a little higher most of the week. It's easy to go over 1500 calories....I need to plan better. I'm tired now, so I'm going to post a boring blog today. I bought a book I really want to read. I'll post about it soon. Jerri

This morning I woke up wishing that my art class was starting next week instead of this one, because I was SO sleepy! I tried to talk myself into missing the first class, but I wasn't buying it. So I got up and got myself there on time....with breakfast and coffee I might add! I walked in and found no mass chaos....and no people....the light was on, but no one was around! My class DOES start next week!
I guess I thought the week of the 7th meant the 6th--duh! two days in a row!

I used the time though....I went to Starbucks and studied my Bible for what I imagined was an hour and a half....turned out that it was more like 3 and a half hours! I am studying on food, so there you go! Today I read the passage in Daniel about Daniel and his friends refusing to be tempted by the king's food--refusing to defile himself....and asking to be allowed to eat vegetables and water. He was healthier than the other young men who DID eat from the king's table, AND he did not defile himself.

Then I read the passage in John about Jesus being the bread of life. What I personally gained from reading these two passages was that I want to carefully consider what I am eating and not mindlessly put food into my mouth. This has been a recurring theme in all of the scriptures I have been reading this week. I am just going through the concordance and looking up scriptures on gluttony, food, eating etc. I have already realized that one of my major problems is that I usually just eat without being thoughtful unless I am committed to change, which I haven't been until now....for quite some time. Another thing I realized is that as the result of being overweight all of my life and being on diets from a young age, I often wonder what I am missing....and that gets me off track. Daniel did not wonder what he was missing refusing the delicacies of the king's table. He knew he was refusing to be defiled by what he put into his mouth.

The food that will satisfy is the Word of God, which is what Jesus was saying. He is the bread of life. If I eat his body and drink his blood, I will no longer hunger or thirst, because I am being fed spiritually. Spiritual hunger is a hole in my soul sometimes I think. I have been trying to fill it up whenever I have been neglecting my spiritual needs.

After my Bible study, I visited the art galleries and talked to some artists, which was unbelievably inspiring as it always is. Then I drove over the bridge to Bolling AFB to get groceries. Before I went to the grocery store, I walked along the river remembering when I used to do that when we lived on the base for 9 years. My boys grew up doing "park walks" with me and Don on the base. The parks and the housing are much nicer now, but I still hear the voices of my children speaking to the heart of my memory....great times. I am thankful for them. I am grateful for the day today and glad I got up early for it. God is good!

Grandma to the Rescue

I guess I have forgotten information about babies, even after raising four of them! I knew that Conner should be on his tummy with his head popped up like a little turtle by this age. He holds his head up and has since he was a few weeks old, but when we put him on his tummy, he kept going face down on the blanket! He would lift it up but then plop it back down. Chris and I had a conference about this on the phone this morning, and I said I was going to work on him today. So instead of on the floor, I put him on his tummy on my bed, and then I made a brilliant observation--his arms need to be in FRONT instead of by his side. DUH!!! If I put my arms by my side while I'm lying on the floor like that, it's harder to hold my head up, too! So I put his arms out front and--voila! a little turtle! I called Chris at work right away! We both felt a little silly! Oh well, at least Conner won't remember these humiliations!

Okay, so I'm not going to get side tracked. I have lots to do today. I'll post again tonight....time to turn my little turtle over on his back!

I finished the day with more calories than I thought. That's what I get for calculating after dinner. Well, I'll do better with food from now on. I need to calculate as I go. Sis-cuz, I'm sorry I missed you.....we need to figure out a better time to get together online. I think evenings are too busy for both of us. Early morning works for me....how about you?

Entertaining Conner

To prevent my blog from turning into a boring weight loss centered blog, I am just going to post what I did in the bottom subject line. That way, I still am asking for accountability, but I can write about other things!

Today was a really good day. My friend Lisa was back home and we went to coffee for the first time in a long time. We need to go more often, because we both had so much to share and so little time...not a problem. We both got $bucks cards for Christmas. Conner was with us and was a little angel. Since Lisa watches him on Mondays, and I watch him Tue-Fri, and since he is such a brilliant little man, I think he looked rather confused as to why we were all three in the same place at the same time. He kept smiling and pouting as if to say he had conflicting emotions. We counseled with him and got him back on track, though!

Conner enjoyed me doing my exercise video today. I was waving my hands in the air with weights, and he kept looking at his own hands and kicking his feet. All I had to do was make eye contact with him, and he thought the whole thing was for his benefit. With babies, everything is all about them! Some of the rest of us, too.... :)

Well, with the changes I am making, I am more tired at night, so I'm going to bed. Thanks for your prayers and encouragement.

On track but pooped!

I did a 2 mile workout with weights today, and I feel good about that, because I am a little sick from the flu shot. I ate 1600 calories....but healthy food only. Today was my first day back with Conner after Christmas, and I can't believe how he has grown. Both my personal Bible Study and tonight's Bible study with Bruce were awesome today, but I need another day to write about it, because I am exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally tonight. But thank you for checking in with me....I was weak today from being sick, but God kept me on track. Thank You, God.
Tomorrow I'll check in about the Bible studies from today.

First Day 2008

This morning I got up with new determination. That's not to say that hopping back up on the self-discipline wagon after a "long winter's nap" that didn't involve a lot of napping....wasn't challenging. It was, but tonight I am grateful and energized. I had a great online chat with my sis-cuz, Reida Sue, about encouraging each other to lose weight. She and I are going to work on slimming down together. I'm very happy to be encouraged and to encourage others in this effort.

Now for the accountability part. Today I got up and went directly to my Bible study. During December I began a study on self-discipline, but this morning I used my son's Bible since it was downstairs and mine was upstairs (no comment about being frugal with burning the calories--walk around in my morning joints before you say that to me.....) Anyway, I happened upon some scriptures on gluttony and decided to jump right into a topical study on gluttony. I started the study with Deut21:18-20, which I already knew dealt with the subject of what to do with a stubborn disobedient son. No comment about that subject either.....Anyway, what I read was very interesting, because I saw it in new light: "If someone has a son who is stubborn, who turns against his father and mother and doesn't obey them or listen when they correct him, his parents must take him to the elders at the city gate. They will say to the elders, "Our son is stubborn and turns against us. He will not obey us. He eats too much AND he is always drunk. Then all the men in his town must throw stones at him until he dies. Get rid of the evil among you, because all of the people of Israel will hear about this and be afraid." Equal in value to "eating too much" is the evil of "being drunk all of the time" --evil enough to purge that person from among God's people during the times before we had Jesus' blood to cleanse us from sins. That got my attention. I will not hesitate to warn young people against drunkenness....to the point that Don and I just don't take a chance with alcohol--coming from two families wrecked in a lot of ways by alcoholic relatives. But I don't think I ever really accepted in my own mind that equal to the problem of being "drunk all of the time" is "eating too much"....or gluttony. I have been told by people who know me well that I am not a glutton. But obviously, I eat too much for my body. So I just can't do that anymore.

It occurred to me months ago that it may just be evil that, in a world where three fourths of the population cannot eat every day, many of us, me included, have shelled out big bucks to get help NOT to eat too much. Today was a humbling study.

Then the next scripture was about Jesus and John the Baptist, and I found this really good! Jesus said--after being accused of gluttony and drinking too much by the Pharisees, "What can I say about the people of this time? What are they like? They are like children sitting in the marketplace, who call out to each other, 'We played music for you but you did not dance; we sang a sad song but you did not cry.'
(From that I get that Jesus recognized the religeous people's desire to manipulate Him and treat Him like a puppett...) He continued, "John came and did not eat or drink like other people. So people say, 'He has a demon.' The Son of Man came eating and drinking and people say, 'Look at him! He east too much and drinks too much wine, and he is a friend of tax collectors and sinners. BUT WISDOM IS PROVED TO BE RIGHT BY WHAT SHE DOES." That blew me away. How many times have I read it? But this time I think I really get it! The religeous people were judging both John the Baptist and Jesus. John came "not eating and drinking", intent on making a way for Jesus, and they accused him of having a demon. Did he lose his focus and try to defend himself? NO! His focus was on accomplishing his purpose in God's kingdom that was coming. Jesus came and was who He was....did He try to appear overly righteous by obviously fasting and praying to be seen? NO! He was focused on His purpose...to reveal God to the world and to save us from our sins. But did people judge Him? YES! Did He lose focus because of it? NO....both John the Baptist and Jesus were killed because they did not lose their focus of pleasing God instead of man. NOW...in our society the focus is on either eating and drinking or abstaining from eating and drinking--and people are judged on both sides of that coin. I judge myself in such ways often. I know the focus cannot be on eating and drinking or on not eating and drinking, but it has to be on our purpose here.....to live our lives in such a way that people can see our good works and glorify our Father who is in Heaven, to love God with all of our hearts, souls, mind and strength and to love others as ourselves, to seek and save the lost, to be a servant of all.....etc. Our focus cannot merely be on whether or not we eat or drink.

Having realized that, here is what I did today. (No, I'm not going to wimp out because of that realization.....I am humbled by it though) Calorie wise I went over by 200 calories....but still I didn't go over the number I need to eat to lose weight....not obsessing here. Calorie wise I ate 1736....had I not had gingerbread biscotti at Starbucks with my half caf expresso--did I mention Don got me a GREAT $bucks card for Christmas?--I would have stayed under 1500 calories....next time only coffee. I did a three mile walking workout with weights for an hour this morning, too. I also took down the Christmas tree and dragged it to the curb, organized and put away all of the ornaments and lights and packed them away in the storage space before Don got home. He was happy just to help me with the remnants of cleaning up Christmas....I leave my snowmen out for January. All in all, I feel very good about the first day of 2008. I am thankful God spoke to me about my sin as well as about how I should focus on my purpose not obsess about what I am eating and drinking or not eating and drinking. Tomorrow I'll talk about feeding the poor.