Parenting--it's not for the faint hearted!

Mike Miller posted the following article on his blog. I commented on it, and Mike suggested I post my reply on my own blog. I decided to follow his suggestion, so here are the article and my response: (Thanks, Mike....)
Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their own
actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators
in the lives of their children and shrug, “It’s their life,” and feel nothing?
When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to
put a few stitches in my daughter’s head. I asked, “When do you stop worrying?”
The nurse said, “When they get out of the accident stage.” My Dad just smiled
faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how
one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a
career making license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher said, “Don’t
worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy
them.” My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring, the
cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said, “They’re trying to
find themselves. Don’t worry, In a few years, you can stop worrying. They’ll be
adults.” My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.
By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was still
worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was nothing I
could do about it. MyDad just smiled faintly and said nothing. I continued to
anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in
their disappointments.
My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my
own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my dad’s warm smile and
his occasional, “You look pale. Are you alright? Call me the minute you get
home. Are you depressed about something?”
Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one
another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the
fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that elevates us to
the highest form of life?
One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, “Where were
you? I’ve been calling for 3 days, and no one answered I was worried.” I smiled
a warm smile. The torch has been passed.
-Author Unknown
My reply:
1. Jerri Harrington Says:
December 10, 2007 at 8:14 pm
Exactly! That article says it all! The advantage of believing in the God of the
universe and Jesus, our mediator between us and Him is that we have hope, even
when our kids disappoint us, when they scare us, when they render us (almost)
speechless by their seemingly thoughtless choices! The difference is that
instead of worrying, we can decide on a minute by minute basis to give over our
worry to our all knowing and powerful God, all of the while we are trying to do
what He would have us do as parents. I’ve noticed that every stage of our
children’s lives has its worries and concerns. When they are newborns, we are
constantly checking to make sure they are still breathing. When they are
crawling around on the floor, we spend our mornings scrubbing and inspecting
those floors for hidden germs and dangers. When they are almost walking, we
wonder why they aren’t yet. When they are walking, we run around doing
interferance with all of the things they might fall down or climb up and then
fall down. Before school, we agonize over which school they should attend and
how these strangers might influence their lives. In school, it’s a constant
concern about whether they are learning at the right speed, whether they are
being damaged or influenced by people around them. When they are beyond our
daily reach, we insist on knowing their friends–but even at that, do we really
KNOW their friends? We have to decide how much to trust each child–and to not
treat one child unjustly because another one has pushed our limits in the area
of trust. When they disappoint us, we have to remember that we probably have
disappointed them, too. And listening is so important! So how many times do you
listen to the same excuse? And if you think you are being manipulated, you
probably are…. Then they are adults and you think you are finished….you, are,
really unless they come to you for advice and with their own concerns. But you
never stop worrying/giving your worries over to God!! Just don’t be like me and
get more creative with your worries than you have to be. For instance, “What
if…..you fill in the blanks….” I can have a family member dead, buried and me
wracked with guilt over a seemingly innocuous decision that I MADE….like, “Sure,
you can go over to John’s house, spend the night and then go with him to his
grandfather’s house and ride 4 wheelers.” Wait, that one actually DID almost
result in the death of my son, Nathan, who by the way, is the one who just about
made the stock go up in the company that sells the dye I use on my hair. I wish
I could say that being a Christian parent takes away all of the worry! I can say
that being a Christian parent makes you expect more of yourself and your
children, your marriage and your friends…..sometimes that is a hard thing to
live up to and even a harder thing for your children to live up to. Grace has to
be taught and given on a daily basis, along with the teaching about right and
wrong. And no matter how tempting it is to speak your mind about people who come
into the realm of influence in your children’s lives, don’t be judgemental.
Teach your children to judge behaviors, not people, and don’t ever pronounce
judgement on another person, especially another Christian….even with your
attitude. Our kids, more than anyone else, are hurt when we don’t love one
another (and them) the way Jesus wants the church to love one another. I think
that right there is what breeds cynicism, doubt and unbelief in our kids. Good
luck with all that! Having said all of that, I wouldn’t trade being Don’s wife,
the mother of our four sons, and the grandmother of our little grandbaby for
anything. I only would choose to do it all better!