Focusing on Him for three days

I want to let you know, I won't be blogging until Sunday. I have been praying and I am convinced that I need to take the next three days and dedicate my time to God, praying for Bob's family, and praying for my own. I'm also going to be praying for our church family. The point is, I believe God is leading me to take the focus off of myself for the next three days and focus on Him--relying on Him, and praying.
I will be holding myself to my committment with my eating and exercise, and I will let you know on Sunday night if I honored that. I just am not going to spend time on the computer doing this until Sunday night. God bless you all, and I hope everyone has a blessed and special Easter, especially those who I won't be seeing to spend the holiday with. God bless you, and thank you for reading my blog and encouraging me. You'll never know what it means to know you are out there in cyberspace helping me change something, with the help of God, that has been holding me back for a lifetime. Jerri

When it rains......

It was really good to be with our church family tonight. It was so good to come in on a Wed. night and see so many there, on purpose, to help get things ready for two funerals and Easter. Bruce's choice of songs and scripture for the devotional were perfect, and everyone was so warm and loving, helpful to each other. That's the way families are supposed to be--pulling together, being there for each other. It's always been that way with our church family. I don't know what we would ever have done without it. I don't know what people do without that kind of love and caring on a large scale. We should never take it for granted.

On a pathetic note, today I was standing in the checkout line at the commissary at Ft. Belvoir when I noticed a book: The Complete Idot's Guide to Healthy Relationships! Alrighty then.......have we stooped SO low as a culture....that we need the advice of a self-proclaimed "complete idiot"? Uh, I guess I'm the idiot....rereading the title....the book is written FOR the complete idiot, who wants to have a healthy relationship! OH! Alrighty then..... No, I didn't buy the book! (I was re-reading the title in my brain--I'm not a COMPLETE idiot!)

Pray for Don to get the right job for him--evidently the financial analyst 2 job wasn't the right one. They want to submit him on some more jobs, but as of right now, Don is planning to transfer over as a security officer. He has to train on automatic weapons and some others. He may have to work a night shift again for a while, but he will retain his seniority. Also, pray about another decision we have to make....when it rains, it pours...literally, I guess,judging by today. The rain felt right with everything going on.

He cares!

Okay, so this is the reason I write my blog....and I'm not going to make excuses. I didn't even try with my diet after about three today. It started with two pieces of left over carrot cake with Don, which didn't put me over by much, but then I ate meat at dinner (I've been eating a vegetarian diet) and I didn't exercise. I also ate rice and green beans (not much and only half of a pork chop.) But later I ate cashews and five crackers and two slices of cheese. It is 1:50 in the morning, and I'm stopping....and I'm not starting to eat like that tomorrow. It doesn't help that I'm feeling really down today for several reasons, but I've already proven to myself that food doesn't really help. I also have been avoiding my Bible all day. I'm not mad at God, but I just don't want to go there. Which means I need to. So I am. I'll post again tonight. If anyone else is feeling sad and down, let's all draw near to God so that He will draw near to us. He is the only answer, and He cares.

Goodbye for Now......

Probably by the time I wrote my blog last night, our dear brother, Bob Roth, had gone to be with God. I didn't find out until this afternoon, but I woke up during the night several times last night and prayed for Bob and Tresa. I know why Paul's friends cried when they realized they wouldn't see his face again. I feel that way about Bob. The last time I got to talk to him was at the elders' reception. He was hopeful that he would make it then. He said that the doctors couldn't find any cancer in his body at that time, and he was resting on that. I told him I was glad to hear he was "resting". I had been waiting to talk to him, because so many people were around him. I'm glad I was able to talk to him again, because I won't get to see his face again until I get to Heaven. I'm sure there will be a crowd around him there too! :)

I remember a lot of things about Bob. I remember him being a teen worker when my boys were teenagers. I remember his testimony about how he used to be an unbeliever and then how he came to faith....his intellectual approach to accepting the gospel. I remember his classes on Christian evidences and The Case for Christ that my son and my husband took together. I remember how brilliantly he shared his faith in God.
I remember he and Tresa taking the youth skiing the first time our oldest son ever went skiing. They came up and told me about their experience with Chris. What they told me didn't surprise me at all.... They said Chris went on the beginner's slope only one time and then took the expert slope the next time. They skiid down after him...and found one ski in one snow bank, one ski in another, hat and gloves and then Chris, slumped in the snow under a tree. They got him all together and brought him home, just a little sore.

I remember the year Bob and Karin Kerby were chosen by the youth group to speak at the senior banquet. I remember Bob talking about his relationship with Tresa and how much they loved each other, and how they had waited a long time for their marriage. He encouraged the seniors to wait for marriage and to marry a person who loved God first. For years I watched Bob and Tresa bring their babies into worship, and I have always loved seeing them become great parents. When I was first finding out I have lupus, Bob asked me every week how I was doing, and he told me that he and his daughter were praying for me. I knew they were, too.

Then I decided Bob was an angel one day when he and Tresa rescued me and my kids off of 66, when I had a flat tire and couldn't get the lug nuts off of our van on the way home from Camp WAMAVA. Tresa took a few of the kids home and Bob waited with me and the boys until the tire was changed and rode back to Centreville with us. He warned me about how dangerous it was to be broken down on the side of the road.

Then, on 9/11, Bob was a comfort to our congregation. Seeing him calmly sitting in worship with his family, made us feel safer. I looked for them every Sunday.

Throughout his ordeal with cancer, Bob has been faithful, wanting to glorify God with what he was experiencing. He has been an example of courage and faithfulness, and so has Tresa. His children have a legacy of faith that they will be able to remember throughout their life. We need to be there for them and Tresa, as Bob has always been there for our children and our congregation.

We have a great cloud of witnesses, as my friend Becky has said. Bill Edwards, Helen Baither,Chris Baither, Margie Hampton, Betty Bridges,Sarah Bergquist, Dave Callerman, Carmello Caffi, Tim Keesling....and others whose faces I can see in my mind....and now our brother Bob Roth....all spending time with Moses, and David, and Paul, and Peter....and Jesus. It is amazing...sad for everyone today....but awesome for Bob! Let's pray and be there for Tresa and the children.

A Sad Day...with hope for eternity...

Today was a sad day for us at church. The focus was on worship and Heaven, but all of us were thinking and praying for Bob, Tresa and the children. One of their children is in my Bible class, and we talked about the resurrection of Christ in class. We talked a lot about eternal life. We hope that our lesson was comforting to our little friend. The children were all talking and praying about Bob in Prayer Circles too. Little Brennan Schwamb asked us to pray for his sister, and he told me something technical that was wrong with her lungs. I said, "That must be scarey." He answered, "It is until you get used to it!" (Brennan is in the 1st grade.) I am amazed at how children can word things simply and efficiently when we adults struggle to express ourselves.....of such is the kingdom of Heaven.

Then, tonight, we heard Darla Robinson's mom died. It was expected, but it never really is when your mom dies. Pray for Darla, too.

Bob is now in the hospital in hospice care. Pray for all involved--that God will be glorified. That is Bob's and Tresa's wish.

Cooking and Conner

Today I cooked all day getting ready for a get together at our friends Grace and Roland's house. I love going to their house, because it is so warm and friendly, relaxed and cozy. I love getting together with them and the Kerns who were in our original small group. Now we only meet once in a while, but whenever we do, it's great. Tonight we brought Conner with us, because we had agreed to watch him this evening for Chris and Cameron while they went over to friends' house. We all passed him around. He loved it. Now it's Spring break, so I won't see them until next Sunday for Easter. That's weird. I'm used to seeing them most days.

I'm going to turn my house upside down, then turn it inside out and then back rightsid in and upside right....and then baby proof it and paint it--all in one week.

The only exercise I got today was cooking and carrying Conner around. I need to do more tomorrow...I missed two days of exercise. I ate well though.

Still praying for Bob and Tresa and their kids. Bob's port came loose, so they had to take him to the doctor yesterday. That's the last thing I heard.

Have a blessed Lord's Day tomorrow.

Don and I took Conner home and then spent some time with Chris and Cameron. We really enjoyed that time with them. They are really enjoying being Conner's mom and dad. It's a great thing to see your kids grow up and be good parents. I'm really tired, so I'm going to bed early again tonight.

Last Night's Post

I didn't post last night, because I needed to spend some time with Don and didn't want to be on the computer. He's supportive and patient with me being occupied with my weight loss efforts, and he's even changed his diet, but sometimes he needs his wife's attention. Go figure! :)

I did a killer water aerobics work-out last night. It was good, but I was really tired afterward and I had to eat dinner. I still ate the right type of food, but I have been skipping dinner to make my morning blood sugars lower. Well, when I woke up this morning, my blood sugar was lower than it has ever been in the morning! So I may do like I did last night and eat a small supper after exercising at night.

Don and I have been praying about so many intensly important needs lately....in our family and in our church family. The most important has been concerning Bob and Tresa and their children. I don't know how to talk about them apart from praying....thank God that this life is just a shadow of the life to come. This life can be so painful for everyone....and joyful.

Speaking of joyful, our Little Man is 6 months old, and he is so sweet! (Not to sound like an old repetitive Grandma....or maybe that IS the point.) He has been on his little rainbow quilt on the floor behind me rolling around on his back holding onto his little red socks and crowing, "BABABABABABABA!" Now he's starting to fuss! Gotta go!

Shoes and Grandma's hands

Today was an awesome day with Little Man. He was adorable, as usual. He was smiley and "talkative". His new words are, "BA BA BA BA BA BA" when he's playing "MA MA MA MA MA MA" when he's hungry, I think. And "NA NA NA NA NA NA"! Of course, I could choose to interpret the "NANA" as Grandma, loosely translated! :) Whatever he is saying, it is cute as anything and makes me want to "eat him up"! He likes to stand up (with my support) and so I sit in my rocking chair with him standing on my lap, singing "Wipe out" while Conner "Grandma surfs!" I rocked him and sang to him a long time this morning, and then I put him down in his crib/play pen with his toys while I made lunch. He was "BA_BA_BAing" and then I didn't hear him anymore, so I went to check on him and found him fast asleep! (Usually during the day he sleeps in my arms--my earlier report that he mostly sleeps with Chris and Cam was erroneous--he mostly naps with Cam during the day but sleeps entirely on his own in his own little crib at night.) I cleaned the entire second level while he slept and got two loads of laundry washed. He woke up and went back to his "BA BA BA"game, and didn't even cry! So I went to get him, change him and feed him. He was happy the whole day today....he's usually happy, but doesn't usually sleep on his own. I was proud of him.

Another funny thing he did was notice Granddad's really white, velcro, (nerdy) new Dr. Scholl's shoes--he knows they're nerdy. They are only for walking comfortably.
Conner was staring at Don's shoes, looked over at my shoes and then looked at his feet over and over again. He was figuring SOMETHING out! :) He also looked at my hands and then his hands over and over today. I imagine he was thinking "Old Hands!" "New Hands!" I remember my grandmother's hands. She worked hard in her garden and her house, and she had "no nonsense" nails and wrinkled hands. I think I have my grandmother's hands these days. I remember my "new" hands....just seems like yesterday (but it wasn't). I need to post pictures. Don says he has a book to show me how to download from our camera. I promise they are coming.

God made us family!

It is such a blessing to be part of God's family at Fairfax. Everyone who has emailed me or spoken to me on the phone says the same thing....Bob and Tresa and their children are on their minds, in their hearts and in their prayers all day long.
The first time I realized the bond that God creates in the hearts of people who love Him and give their lives to Him was when Don and I had our oldest child. We didn't think anyone knew much about what we were going through. I had to be hospitalized twice--the second time for 12 days, and we had no medical insurance. I had worked to pay the few days I was supposed to be in the hospital for--and then I went into premature labor, and had to be hospitalized early. Then I had pre eclampsia and ended up having an emergency C section after a long labor. There were doctors everywhere that we owed, and we had only been married 15 months--and were college students. We didn't tell anyone...but the church gave us a wonderful baby shower, the college students collected money for a money tree, and at Christmas when Chris was a couple of months old, some of our friends came in with bags and bags of groceries, baby supplies and gifts from anonymous friends who signed the card "Santa Clause!" We were so shocked that we were speechless (NOT normal for me!) and both of us cried. The same type of thing happened when Don was critically ill twice in one year back in 1999 and 2000. In between those times countless things were done for us...and we are just one family! I'm just sharing this to say that we are family to one another, and we aren't the ones who decide to be family. It is a miraculous heart change that happens when we become children of our Heavenly Father.
That is why we are filled with sadness and burdened by the suffering of those we love. We can mourn with those who mourn, and we can rejoice with those who rejoice--as they enter the eternity we have been promised--because Our Father creates love for one another in our hearts. Praise our loving Heavenly Father, who is love Himself.

Blessed be the tie that binds.....and Dizzy Day

It was gratifying to receive so many prayers concerning our brother Bob in my email today. It solidified in my heart that we are truly a family in Christ. We are so different in so many ways, but we all have the same Heavenly Father and He binds us together in ways that no man made institution could ever do. That alone could convince me that God is who He says He is. God is love. We humans cannot manufacture what He has put into our hearts...the bond He creates is stronger than any bonds mankind creates.

I am sure that anyone who is reading my blog who knows Bob and Tresa Roth have been in prayer today for them. Don and I are praying for them whenever we get the chance. God is love, and I am praying that He fills their hearts and minds with Him and His love....that casts out all fear.

I had a very sudden drop in blood pressure today which made me wake up extremely dizzy....and I stayed that way until late afternoon. My blood pressure was 122/55, which is really low for me. I think it was the result of me exercising so much and not eating dinner last night, and not drinking enough water with my evening medicine.
I have been skipping dinner because of a book I have been reading about curing diabetes, written by a doctor who has a clinic out in Oklahoma. My morning blood sugars, which are normally my highest, have been going down, but the dizziness this morning made me rethink my plan. I had a bowl of soup and a salad and a piece of whole grain bread for dinner tonight, and I feel much better. I also may need to cut out one of my blood pressure pills. I'm going to talk to my doctor about that.
I'd like to come off of all of my medicine, but it's going to take time.

Our dear brother.....

I can't write about anything but our dear friend and brother Bob, his beautiful, sweet wife Tresa and their five adorable children. I just found out, as many people did, in church this morning that Bob is in hospice care right now. I know Bob and Tresa are trusting God. I know that without anyone telling me, and I don't get to talk to them that often. It's just always been obvious to me by the life they live among us. They are quiet servants, giants in faith. I do not understand many many things in life, and I don't understand what is happening to Bob--maybe biologically--but not in any other way. I just know this. Bob and Tresa have always trusted God with their lives, and they are trusting Him now. How can we do otherwise in the face of such faith and in light of what God has already done, I cannot comprehend.

How do we pray for Bob? I think we pray as we always have for him--that God will be glorified and that He will comfort Bob and Tresa and the children (their family, too). We pray and we serve as much as we can, if not the Roths right now, we serve anyone who is in our lives. How do we talk about such suffering and maybe tragedy?
With hope, like the Bible says, knowing that a better life in Heaven awaits us all.

Loss is the part of this life that makes us long for Heaven. While we are here, let's remind each other that our hope is in Jesus Christ. That is what Bob and Tresa have been doing all along! Having said all of that....I still don't understand.

Last Art Class....

We finished our final project in art class today, and I am happy to say our instructor decided to form an intermediate oil/acrylic painting class out of our class, because so many of us were interested in it. I am just not ready to paint nudes yet So, I'm going to intermediate oil painting class.
I came home right after class, and Don and I met at the library and then we walked two miles together after that. We were going to go to a movie, but when we came home to drop off his car, we noticed no one was home, and home was cozy, so we stayed home and watched Annie Hall. Neither of us had ever seen it, as unbelievable as that is! We laughed a LOT!

All in all, it's been a great day! I'm going to spend my break actually painting what I want to paint--probably our house! :)

Friends

I'm doing much better after a couple of bumpy days this week. I had a great talk with my buddy, Lisa. She and I have some of the same issues;although, she is tall thin and beautiful--and a very good public speaker. But we share some common human frailties, or rather the willingness to admit the frailties that everyone has, to each other. I think being able to share the good and the not so good, not to mention the ridiculous and the hilarious things that happen in life is what makes a good friend. I'm thankful God moved Lisa and Tim next door to us! It is so NOT a coincidence that they are our neighbors. When Sharon and Gary moved out I prayed that God would send us neighbors who would either be Christians or who we could influence for Christ. Not only are they Christians, but Tim is a minister at New Life Christian church, and Lisa is a very talented writer and public speaker. Tim is an artist and a comedien, and all of their kids are talented in music and drama. Our son goes to church with them, and their sons and mine are friends....and we have all had a profound effect on each others' lives. It's never by coincidence or human effort that such things happen...I am thankful God blessed our families with each other.

I need to get to bed early so that I feel well enough to go to my last art class tomorrow. Have a great weekend!

Dealing with things.....

Hopefully I am over the insanity of the past couple of days. I'd like to blame it on my cold, but I'm pretty sure that only caused the fatigue I've been having. I am definitely an emotional eater, and I've always thought that--but only when I'm really trying to live my committment am I certain of it.

Having realized that, I have been working on the many things that were on my mind this week. I can talk about a few of them here. Don's job is changing. We won't really know how much until right before their contract is due to end or be renewed.
Rumor has it that someone else got the bid, but other rumors have it that his company has retained the contract. Stressful not to know.... Also, Don has been hired by a sub contractor and now the prime contractor for a job he REALLY wants , but we have been waiting for over a week to hear if they will hire him. Some other people were submitted as well. We have been praying about this for a long time, and we know God has our best interest at heart, so we are both reminding each other to trust God, because He has always led us in the best direction.

I miss having my boys at church with us. There are a lot of factors that go into this, but having Conner with us at church last week made me realize how much I miss seeing all of my family together at worship. They all have their own reasons for worshipping elsewhere or not worshipping right now. I have a lot of feelings about that, too, but I respect their right to decide. But as a mom, I miss my family being together worshipping God on Sundays. Last Sunday, as I held Conner up so he could see what was going on, it was "deja-vu all over again"! How many times did I do that with my baby boys over the years? I always loved having them with me in church. I was and am so proud of my 4 boys--how many people can say they have 4 boys? :)Sundays were always special days, and even when Don would go away on trips with the band, as long as everyone was well, the boys and I made our pilgrimage down 295 and the Baltimore-Washington parkway from Bolling AFB to University Park Church of Christ three times a week...and then, after we moved here, to Fairfax. Sometimes I was up and down so many times with one boy or another that I wondered if I did any good at all coming to church, and many times older women told me how great a job I was doing and how wonderful it was that I showed up to worship God--that I was making a lasting impression on my boys. I hope so. I know many times I was frantically looking around for keys or shoes at the last minute.....hurrying everyone up, stressed. I wonder how pleasant that was for the boys, especially the older ones? Later, when I first got sick with lupus and didn't feel like going to church on Wed. nights, I would end up going anyway, because one or more of the boys would say, "We HAVE to go to church! We have agape group!" I think mothers everywhere must ask themselves what they could have done better and they may have mental lists like I do. I just pray that God's loving grace erases any negative influence we have had on them and that they remember the fun times we had driving down 295 singing at the top of our lungs! But, hey, that could be one of the not-so-good memories with me singing! :) Anyway,today I'm completely ready to keep going with my program--God's grace is awesome! I want to prove to everyone who knows I depend on Him to help me, that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength! Pray for me!

Malfunctions

I couldn't blog yesterday, because several things went wrong. First of all, my computer kept getting knocked offline. I thought something was wrong with it, but I think it was my Cox Internet service, because our phone kept crackling all day, and today my computer is working fine. Also, all of the fatigue and joint pain I've been having is because I was coming down with something. I started feeling sick last night and by bedtime I realized I have a virus of some sort. Anyway, I didn't calculate calories or exercise yesterday, but I am today. I'll post again tonight.

The good news is I am having a good day with eating and may do some exercise this evening if I feel better, even if it's just walking.

Tomorrow is a new day!

For anyone who is watching my blog, I did horribly today! I had a great day until after I dropped off Conner, and I came home tired--I was tired all day and instead of resting I kept pushing myself to get more done! I was very hungry and my blood sugar was low. I didn't think, or calculate, I just ate a snack and then another....I ate as I made dinner and I ate dinner! I'm also too tired to exercise, so I'm not. I'll start over tomorrow. It was officially my worst day on (off) of my program! I'm not going to kick myself over it, but neither am I going to repeat it.

Spring is Coming!

Don and I walked in the park today, and it was such a beautiful day! We walked to get away from the phone and to exercise. Actually before we walked, Don played frisbee golf while I did my Bible study and had my time with God. It was nice to do that outside today. I do feel that I am becoming more dependent on God and less dependent on myself. I still ate too many calories today, because we went out to eat and I didn't follow my Sparkpeople for lunch and dinner. It's really not worth it to eat out anymore. Everything is always more fattening than when we prepare it at home. I made Don and me some healthy popcorn last night that Don liked as well as unhealthy. I used a little olive oil and butter flavored powder to season it. Don is going to let me start counting his calories and exercise on Sparkpeople. He doesn't want me sharing about it on my blog....so that's all I'm going to say about that! I will tell you that Don can drop 20 lbs. just by deciding to--just about that fast. I like it that he can do that as much as it frustrates me, because I want him to be around for a long time.

Today was a really great day at worship, made even more so by the fact that Conner joined us for worship service. It required quite a bit of scrambling on my part, though, because Don was singing with the miced singers, so I did all of the running around with my Big Little Man myself during church, that is. I was WORN OUT by the time we finished lunch--there is a reason that young people have babies and not us old fogies! I teach Bible class and have a prayer circle, so I had to leave services early to plug Conner into the baby security system. I have to admit it was easier leaving him in cradle roll knowing I was the only one who could pick him up! And it was obvious that he was well loved while he was there! He loved seeing other babies, and was looking every which direction as we carried him around to see whose new face was going to pop into view next. It was wonderful to Don and me to have our church family loving on our grandson. It makes us know that we are in the right place--where our family can give and receive the love of Christ!

Don and I planned to go to our small group today, but after we dropped off Conner, we went back home and went to sleep and didn't even wake up until 5:30. I have been sleep deprived for several days, so I know why I slept so soundly. We'll have to catch next month's pot luck. Don and I walked for three miles after our nap, but I was still worn out.

Denise Manahan was honored at church today, which was well deserved. She has done so much to feed the hungry in our community and has been very resourceful, using our teens to serve the needy. Giving purpose to our youth and everyone else is a great gift.

It was also wonderful to get to meet Becky Sundling, Grace and Roland's daughter. I have been wanting to meet her for a long time. She is just beautiful....like her mom...and obviously a sweet person like her parents. It was great to meet Becky.

I hope you all have a great week! Thanks for reading my blog and encouraging me! :)

A Fun Day

Today was my second day following the Spark People plan, and I didn't find it hard at all! And another good thing was my blood sugar reading was excellent tonight--lower than it has been in a very long time.

Art class was lots of fun, and it seems like this class has passed more quickly than the last one. My last class is next week. After that I think I am going to take a figure painting class with my same teacher. She suggested that I take that class. I still am not sure about it, because it cuts into my time with Don in the afternoon, but if he gets his job, then he will be off all day on Saturday anyway.

A surprising thing was that there was a St.Patrick's Day parade in Old Town Alexandria today, so I had a lot of company walking today. I hope there are muscles that get a good work out when dodging people. I got an excellent book on diabetes and an Eric Carle book to read to Conner. The diabetes book I heard about on my way to art class this morning on 91.9 radio, a show called Break Away that I listen to every week. Today they were talking about a book called The Diabetes Miracle Cure...Curing Diabetes in 30 Days. It's about the best possible diet and exercise for diabetes. Speaking of that I need to get to bed. We are taking Conner to church with us tomorrow.