Beginning Again

Today is our son Steve's birthday. I didn't get to talk to him, because of his work schedule, but both Don and I left messages on his phone. We are getting together on Friday night for birthday cake for hubby Don and Steve. 27 years ago, I had a precious, sweet little baby boy! He has been easily pleased and very caring towards other people all of these years. I am thankful to know Steve as a man...he is the kind of person I would want for a friend if he wasn't my son.

I had a pretty low day today--I knew it was coming, and I decided to give in to it--for a day. It's one thing to be broken hearted for myself--but it's another thing to see my husband and our whole family broken-hearted. I'm sure Nathan is broken-hearted too, even though no one has heard from him. We have always been a unit....even after we went into different units, especially the brothers. I have always wondered about Jesus saying, "Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted." I have thought a lot about that statement. There is an implication there that we have a choice whether or not we mourn. Maybe denial is a refusal to mourn--"everything is oookay". And when we are in denial, it's not like we don't know there is a problem--we just are not mourning, so we can't be comforted. Today I didn't want to get out of bed. Don had to work, and I don't watch Little Man on Mondays, so I stayed in bed until almost 9. Then I got up and made coffee for son Don who goes to work at 10. (He and I stayed up talking from 1 until 3 this morning...a really good, meaningful conversation.) Anyway, after I finished making the coffee, I went back to bed and stayed there all morning. I can't remember the last time I did that....and I cried out to God. All of the rest of the day I felt sad, but better. Tonight I feel comforted, and Don does too...God is answering prayers. Chris has been so supportive even though he and his brothers are sad about Nathan, too, and Chris and Cameron have been having some of their own stress. I was expecting to see Nathan today--he hasn't picked up his tax forms from here. But I didn't go looking for him...he's a man, and they are his taxes. (Boy, is he going to be mad at himself if he misses out on his tax rebate.)
Tomorrow is a new day...I am beginning again with my daily self-discipline. I actually have been keeping up with most of it this past week...I've been doing my Bible study and prayer, and I've been exercising most days. I have also been doing fairly well with calories. Today, I didn't count calories or exercise. I decided making the bed, picking up and washing the clothes is good enough for today. I put the trash out for Don, since he had to work late. He appreciated that. I got almost everything I needed to do for tomorrow done this afternoon, and I decided to stay up a little late and write in my blog. For a while, I am going to focus on my daily discipline in my blog. I have heard that when we are going through trials, we should rely on our daily routine to feel more normal. Also, I am going to try hard not to be a burden to my loved ones. God can sustain me and meet my needs.