Parenting....the letting go.

Giving birth is one of those contradicting epic moments of life. The woman becomes a mother in a moment of almost unbearable agony that turns into a moment of unparalleled love and miraculous joy! The man becomes a father in a moment of helpless agony for his wife that turns into a rush of love and responsibility for this totally dependent wrinkled beloved little person that has inexplicably come from the union of him and his wife. A life has begun, and the two have become parents, and their lives will never be the same--forever. And this is the best case scenario....babies are, all too often, born into homes that are at best, not prepared for them, and at worst, dangerous for them. God only knows how some babies survive their childhoods! But this blog is about intentional parenting.

Parenting has its joys, no doubt. Each milestone is cause for celebration, when a parent loves his child. Each fever causes sleepless nights and prayers to be sent up. Each birthday requires cake, balloons, and presents! A parent's life is measured by the life of his child. Some parents lose themselves in the raising of the child and never get themselves back, until the child says goodbye for the last time. Wise parents make room for themselves and their marriages and thus perpetuate a healthy home, with healthy parents. But this blog is about the hardest part of parenting....the letting go.

One of my favorite photos of my kids is this: we are on a path leading into the woods. All of our children are in front of us, and there is no sign of me or my husband in the picture, but you know we are there, watching all four of them run ahead with glee, down the path, toward the woods, the older boys further down the path and the younger running as fast as their little legs will carry them, following their big brothers. It is a poignant moment, frozen in time, for it is a metaphor for the hardest part of parenting....watching our children running off into an uncertain future, praying they are prepared, knowing there is no way we have prepared them completely, as hard as we have tried. And still we let them go....we do, if we are really good parents.

But what if you KNOW your child is ill prepared for that future? What if you know, in spite of all your attempts to teach him and her about pitfalls, the child is bound and determined to fall into each one? What do you do then? You see him running ahead, eyes closed, arms open wide to life and all it has to offer, knowing there is a gaping hole down the road! What do you do then?? Well, I...for one...scream bloody murder, calling him back!!! "THERE IS A HOLE IN THE ROAD!!! STOP!!" Does he or she listen. Not likely. It depends on the type of learner the emerging adult is. If he or she is sensitive and well, wise, he listens to a word of advice, however frantic. He stops in his tracks and reasons out his next actions.
If she is reactive and fearful, she retreats behind her mother's skirts and abandons all resolve to establish independence, thus becoming stunted in growth at best, handicapped and dysfunctional at worst. If he is resentful and rebellious, he plugs his ears and runs ahead, daring disaster and not availing himself to any of his parents' experience, wisdom or insight. Sometimes this reaction may have reason behind it, if the parents' lifestyle has injured the son or daughter, but most of the time, it is willful foolishness that drives this response. Unfortunately, this path usually results in one disaster after another. And then there is the rare son or daughter who stops, looks back on the instruction he or she has received and then proceeds independently and wisely, courageous but prepared. That response to parenting brings peace and joy to the mind of the parent, not unlike the moment of birth, when just watching the newborn baby sleep brought tears to the eyes, warmth to the heart and total amazement to the lives of the parent. A wise child is truly the joy of his or her parents. Ironically, the responsibility of the parent for each type of adult child is the same.... to let go of the child and put him or her into the capable hands of God, whether or not that adult child relies on his Creator.

That is a stage of parenthood that mimics the pain of childbirth, for even with the most competent adult child, the parents wonder if their endless instruction has made any difference. They wonder what dangers lie in the road, as his young adult drives away to college or work for the first time. They gaze into the love-lit faces of their child on his wedding day and pray for a joyful union that will last him a lifetime, through sickness and health, babies and careers, disasters and prosperity...his dreams are our dreams! But let go we must. And there I am.

I pray that my life has been a beacon that will draw them closer to God. I pray that our marriage has given them a tiny glimpse of Christ's love for His people. I pray that our mistakes haven't wounded their hearts. I pray that their good memories outweigh their not-so-good ones. I pray they will love their spouses and children. I pray their spouses and children will love them. I pray for their children, our grandson and future grandchildren. I pray for their hearts, that they will grow in love. I pray for their dreams, that they become reality. I pray for our health, so we won't be a burden. I pray for their wisdom, that it will ever be growing. I pray for their souls and the souls of their children and the souls of their grandchildren...that all will be saved. And I let go, because....God is really their Father. He loves them more than we ever could. And He is in control!