JerrisBlog

Parenting....the letting go.

2010-05-28T05:45:00.000-07:00

Giving birth is one of those contradicting epic moments of life. The woman becomes a mother in a moment of almost unbearable agony that turns into a moment of unparalleled love and miraculous joy! The man becomes a father in a moment of helpless agony for his wife that turns into a rush of love and responsibility for this totally dependent wrinkled beloved little person that has inexplicably come from the union of him and his wife. A life has begun, and the two have become parents, and their lives will never be the same--forever. And this is the best case scenario....babies are, all too often, born into homes that are at best, not prepared for them, and at worst, dangerous for them. God only knows how some babies survive their childhoods! But this blog is about intentional parenting.

Parenting has its joys, no doubt. Each milestone is cause for celebration, when a parent loves his child. Each fever causes sleepless nights and prayers to be sent up. Each birthday requires cake, balloons, and presents! A parent's life is measured by the life of his child. Some parents lose themselves in the raising of the child and never get themselves back, until the child says goodbye for the last time. Wise parents make room for themselves and their marriages and thus perpetuate a healthy home, with healthy parents. But this blog is about the hardest part of parenting....the letting go.

One of my favorite photos of my kids is this: we are on a path leading into the woods. All of our children are in front of us, and there is no sign of me or my husband in the picture, but you know we are there, watching all four of them run ahead with glee, down the path, toward the woods, the older boys further down the path and the younger running as fast as their little legs will carry them, following their big brothers. It is a poignant moment, frozen in time, for it is a metaphor for the hardest part of parenting....watching our children running off into an uncertain future, praying they are prepared, knowing there is no way we have prepared them completely, as hard as we have tried. And still we let them go....we do, if we are really good parents.

But what if you KNOW your child is ill prepared for that future? What if you know, in spite of all your attempts to teach him and her about pitfalls, the child is bound and determined to fall into each one? What do you do then? You see him running ahead, eyes closed, arms open wide to life and all it has to offer, knowing there is a gaping hole down the road! What do you do then?? Well, I...for one...scream bloody murder, calling him back!!! "THERE IS A HOLE IN THE ROAD!!! STOP!!" Does he or she listen. Not likely. It depends on the type of learner the emerging adult is. If he or she is sensitive and well, wise, he listens to a word of advice, however frantic. He stops in his tracks and reasons out his next actions.
If she is reactive and fearful, she retreats behind her mother's skirts and abandons all resolve to establish independence, thus becoming stunted in growth at best, handicapped and dysfunctional at worst. If he is resentful and rebellious, he plugs his ears and runs ahead, daring disaster and not availing himself to any of his parents' experience, wisdom or insight. Sometimes this reaction may have reason behind it, if the parents' lifestyle has injured the son or daughter, but most of the time, it is willful foolishness that drives this response. Unfortunately, this path usually results in one disaster after another. And then there is the rare son or daughter who stops, looks back on the instruction he or she has received and then proceeds independently and wisely, courageous but prepared. That response to parenting brings peace and joy to the mind of the parent, not unlike the moment of birth, when just watching the newborn baby sleep brought tears to the eyes, warmth to the heart and total amazement to the lives of the parent. A wise child is truly the joy of his or her parents. Ironically, the responsibility of the parent for each type of adult child is the same.... to let go of the child and put him or her into the capable hands of God, whether or not that adult child relies on his Creator.

That is a stage of parenthood that mimics the pain of childbirth, for even with the most competent adult child, the parents wonder if their endless instruction has made any difference. They wonder what dangers lie in the road, as his young adult drives away to college or work for the first time. They gaze into the love-lit faces of their child on his wedding day and pray for a joyful union that will last him a lifetime, through sickness and health, babies and careers, disasters and prosperity...his dreams are our dreams! But let go we must. And there I am.

I pray that my life has been a beacon that will draw them closer to God. I pray that our marriage has given them a tiny glimpse of Christ's love for His people. I pray that our mistakes haven't wounded their hearts. I pray that their good memories outweigh their not-so-good ones. I pray they will love their spouses and children. I pray their spouses and children will love them. I pray for their children, our grandson and future grandchildren. I pray for their hearts, that they will grow in love. I pray for their dreams, that they become reality. I pray for our health, so we won't be a burden. I pray for their wisdom, that it will ever be growing. I pray for their souls and the souls of their children and the souls of their grandchildren...that all will be saved. And I let go, because....God is really their Father. He loves them more than we ever could. And He is in control!

Peace Be Still

2010-04-13T05:12:00.000-07:00

The men had a healthy respect for the water, for they were fisherman by trade! They knew how quickly even a sturdy sea worthy vessel could get completely out of control in a storm. Every time they took their boats out, they inspected the surface for holes and weak spots. Even so, the unexpected can and will occur. So it was on the day Jesus went out into the boat with his friends, many of whom were fishermen. Jesus went down into the bottom of the boat, for He knew in Whom He had placed His trust, and it was not the men who were experts at sailing, His closest friends on earth.
While He was asleep, the wind and the waves became violent, and even the seasoned fishermen became afraid. Did they not know more about sailing than their teacher, Jesus, the Carpenter's son? Yet, the first thing they did was awaken Him! Why? Because they knew the voice of their Master could quiet the most dangerous storm. "Peace be Still!"

What do we do when storms rage within our lives? Do we imagine ourselves competent against the giant waves that assault us? Do we long to take care of troubles ourselves, and lay our accomplishments at the feet of Jesus? Sometimes it is as if we are saying, "See there....I don't need Your help. Help those who need You." Why do we treat our Savior like that? We need Him, not only to quiet the hurricanes that threaten to demolish our lives, but we need Him for our every breath! We may be able to ride the waves for a while "unassisted", or at least think we are. But soon we will find ourselves broken against the rocks on the shores of life itself....without hope. How much better our lives would be if we would go to Our Savior in our moments of need, let Him wrap His arms around us, protect us from the wind and the waves, and say to our weary souls, "Peace be Still!"

Only a minute....

2010-03-18T04:45:00.000-07:00

Only a minute...I found out yesterday--again--that a minute can change many lives forever! My daughter-in-law told me when I first began caring for my grandson, right after his birth two years ago, that she never had to worry, because I am such a careful person. Generally, I'm considered by everyone in my family too careful to the point of annoying. Yesterday I relaxed my standard a little, and it could have cost my grandson his life, and I didn't even see it coming! Long story short, we were on the way out the door when I decided to make a trip to the bathroom. Conner was happily playing with his cars at the coffee table, and my son Nathan was due to come home from work at any moment, so I shut the bathrooom door. I usually leave it open.

During Conner's nap yesterday I had been cleaning out our laundry room while visiting with son Don who came over on his way home from work. He got his fishing rods out of the laundry room, and I moved some things around on some shelves as I did the laundry, while we talked. Well, I must have uncovered some automotive lube, fuel injector cleaner that Don said he hadn't used in years. It must have been deep inside a low shelf that I couldn't see, but in just a few moments, Conner had gone in the laundry room, opened the bottle and poured it all over the coffee table and his clothes. I was washing my hands when I realized he had gotten very quiet, so I opened the door and saw the coffee table and the bottle and caught the noxious odor that was everywhere. Conner was quietly waiting next to his diaper bag right in the entryway. "Hi, Eee-Eee, Hi!" was what he said to me. I started taking off his clothes, and checking his mouth while I yelled out the door for my neighbor Lisa to come help me. Lisa and I washed him off, but the smell was so strong that we couldn't tell if his mouth smelled like the oil or not. I thought about calling 911 but called poison control instead. while Lisa scrubbed Conner off. They didn't think I needed to take him to the ER if he wasn't coughing but said he had to be watched for 6 hours for signs of respiratory distress. I also called Chris, because my thought was to take him to the ER anyway. Chris looked up petrolium distolates on the internet and agreed with the poison control, so I brought Conner home. Conner was very cooperative. Everytime I told him to stick his tongue out and I put my nose right in his mouth, he just did what I said. Once he was scrubbed off and outside, I couldn't smell the odor when I checked his mouth. I also had him suck on his paci and smelled that--thank goodness we haven't taken that completely away yet. (Lisa said this would be the day that Conner is convinced that Eee-Eee has completely lost her mind!) (true that!) :) And by the way....thank God for friends like Lisa, who came running when I called out the door to her...and for Tim Schwamb who prayed with me on the spot when I got to the church building last night! I don't think I would have been able to put together a cohesive thought last night in ESL otherwise! And thankfully Cam still brought me her precious little boy this morning! She wasn't worried about a reocurrance and even shared a funny story concerning his other grandma and a carton of ice cream.
Conner never did show any signs of distress....except by how weird everything was before he went home. As Lisa was saying goodbye, Conner grabbed her hand and said, "Want a walk, Nina!" (His special name for Lisa...) I think what he didn't say was, "Save me from Eee-Eeee....she keeps smelling my mouth!) Where, you ask, is Conner right now as I type my blog? Strapped in his high chair, eating breakfast and watching Sid, the Science Kid....maybe they will talk about the dangers of petrolium distolates. By the way, they are in many household products, which are no longer visable in my house.

Excellence

2010-02-25T21:27:00.001-08:00

Excellence. When I see it, feelings resonate within me so strongly that I cannot control the tears. God creates within us a longing for greatness! He stretches us and lets us fall like good coaches do with their young charges. Falling teaches us to stand. It teaches us to follow instructions and obey truths. I have fallen more times than I can count in my life. As I get older, it is harder to get up after a fall, but I have learned that it is not my strength that lifts me up, but my Father's.
In fact, if I stay close to Him, I am not likely to suffer a fall. Excellence. All I have to do is look at Him! "He who would be great among you must become the servant of all." That is a statement that seems counter-intuitive, especially in our culture.
"Greater love has no man than this....that he lay down his life for his friends."
Excellence--in the face of death. I see Jesus on the cross, looking up, praying for those who had inflicted Him with an agonizing death, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Grace in the midst of pain. True excellence.

Peace.....perfect peace!

2010-02-10T13:52:00.000-08:00

Admittedly, my blog has gotten lost in the avalanche of technology that is life in 2010! Can you tell I have SNOW on the brain? ALL of us have snow on the brain here in No. VA! It has been fun! It has been insane! It has been COLD and WINDY! Full disclosure? I prayed hard for snow this year! I even asked God to give us some indication if our church was pleasing Him by giving us a snowy winter--kind of along the lines of Gideon's fleece! If I thought many of my friends would actually read my blog, I would never admit this! lol!

My desperation in the previous post has cooled off with the weather, and I'm actually doing so much better than I have in a long while. It had something to do with being desperate for change and actually crying out to God in my prayers...silently but desperately! He is helping me greatly...He is carrying me! I have been snowbound mostly for a week, and I've been alone most of the time, since my family works during snow storms. I am stocked up with lots of potential for baking, and I've been doing a lot of cooking, but I'm not looking to the food for comfort. I've been writing a lot, walking and shoveling snow. God has been filling me with peace, like the unmarred fields of snow that Don and I witnessed on our walks. There is something about being in the middle of God's handiwork...his overwhelming power...under His complete control, that calms the soul! Calm is what I need, and He is the Provider of peace! Thank You God, for snow days, for the beauty of the world around us and for Your constant care!

WARNING! Honesty and full Disclosure 2010

2010-01-01T13:39:00.000-08:00

To be completely honest, I am as embarrassed as I have ever been to be posting this blog January 1, 2010. I could take the comfortable, treacherous, option of wallowing in frozen inertia and self-hate, but what would that accomplish? Here I am, Jan.1st, 5 lbs. lighter than I was last Jan. 1st, having gained back most of what I lost last year! I am not about to make promises. Apart from the power of God to change me, I have no hope of keeping promises. I have proven that once more. But, this is NOT me feeling sorry for myself. This is me sucking it up, getting back up on my chubby feet, and starting all over again! What else can I do? Give up? Read my lips. NEVER! To give up is to accept the fact that I will be following my dad on a short trip to the grave. My family deserves more from me than that! To give up is to toss aside the Ultimate power of the Holy Spirit, who raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Can He not raise me, too....regardless of how much I weigh.

I am finished eating my sorrow. I am finished eating my pain. I am finished burying my feelings under mounds of my own flesh! My Heavenly Father is able to understand my brokenness, The Great Comforter can soothe my pain, He can cope with the waves of emotion that I think I hold at bay, but really just stuff! The truth is, I am a mess on my own. I need redemption....every day. I am no different than you, however. We are all broken, and we all need redemption--every day.

Goals will follow. I need the structure. I'm not making any promises this year...only setting goals. I am starting this year, humbled by the last, hopeful for the future, because of Jesus and His love for me!

Shame on Tiger Woods...and us!

2009-12-03T14:12:00.000-08:00

Well, it's about time I dust this blogspot off! And why am I dragging my blog out of the cobwebs this evening? Because, this morning I heard an "expert" extolling at length about the reported infidelities of Tiger Woods on Good Morning America! Why was this woman considered an expert? Oh, because she is a Sexual Anthropologist!! In this era of 10% unemployment, what we need is more "Sexual Anthropologists" who can explain why men and women cheat on their spouses! (Of course! It's complicated.) NOT.

Our sex-obsessed, media and Hollywood driven culture, has made sex a public event, without great value beyond the momentary pleasure, and frankly, quite boring! Public figures seem to jump in and out of bed with "whoever", and, either people cry out in outrage, demanding to know the voyeuristic details, or shrug shoulders with the attitude of, "Whattya gonna do?" So now we need "sexperts" to tell us why an extraordinary athelete like Tiger Woods would be unfaithful. Why wouldn't he? It certainly hasn't hurt John Gosslyn much, well, except for his self-respect, the respect of his wife, much of the public and the future respect of his children. But whether people approve or disapprove, we all can have an opinion about his sexploits, because they are out there for all to see,
and it doesn't seem to matter to the media that, at least eight of those hearing all about it, whether first-hand or through classmates, will have their lives changed forever because of our "need to know" and "need to explain"!

Whatever happened to people having to do something heroic or at least groundbreaking in order to be newsmakers? Apparently, all one has to do to make the morning news is: become famous...and then jump in bed with someone other than the spouse. That will get the tongues' wagging and the keyboards tapping! Then, if you're lucky, they'll call in a "SEXUAL ANTHROPOLOGIST" to explain your actions. Afterall, we're all victims of something, and there is no right or wrong....just social illness!
No more "news" for me!

Pad Thai....Weight Watchers-Comfort Classics

2009-10-03T18:32:00.000-07:00

This morning I went back to Weight Watchers, and I was really surprised that I weighed the same as I did two weeks ago. So I've lost most of what I gained on steroids. I decided to start cooking my way through the Weight Watchers cookbooks, and since it's fall and that's comfort food season, I'm starting in Weight Watchers' Comfort Classics cookbook.

Chicken Pad Thai
Prep 15 min. Cook 15 min. Serves 4

6 oz rice noodles 1 large egg, lightly beaten
1/2 cup ketchup 1 cup shredded cooked chicken breast
1 tbs. sugar 4 scallions cut into 1/2 inch pieces
1 tbs Asian fish sauce 2 garlic cloves minced
1/2 teaspoon chili-garlic sauce 2 tablespoons finely chopped peanuts
2 teaspoons Asian dark sesame oil

Changes I made: I wish I would have shredded the chicken...I minced it.
I didn't have any peanuts, so I substitued 2 tbs. chunky peanut
butter.
Someone used my scallions, so I chopped up half an onion.

1. Cook the rice noodles according to package directions. Rinse under cold running water and drain.
2. Meanwhile, stir the ketchup, sugar, fish sauce, and chili garlic sauce together in a small bowl until blended.
3. Heat 1 teaspoon of the sesame oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. Ad the egg and cook, stirring occasionally, until set, 2 min. and transfer to a bowl.
4. Heat the remaining 1 teaspoon of oil in the skillet. Add the chicken,scallions, and garlic. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the scallions begin to soften..2-33 min. Add the noodles and cook until heated through. `-2 min. Stir in the ketchup mixture and the egg and cook, tossing until heated through, 1 minute. Divide among 4 plates and sprinkle evenly with the peanuts. 7 points

I have only had real Pad Thai once, and this tasted just as good to me! I mixed the peanut butter into the tossed noodles with sauce and cooked everything together.
It was filling and well worth the 30 minutes it took to prepare. I hope you enjoy making this. (It is 7 points for a 1 and 1/4 cup serving) Hubby liked it, so tomorrow night I am repeating Crispy Oven-Fried Chicken with Sage Gravy from the Comfort Classics book, too.

For exercise this week, I am running and doing water aerobics in the pool 3 days and walking 3 days. I am doing yoga most days and doing strengthening exercises 2-3 days.

Not About Soup....well, maybe....

2009-10-01T02:40:00.000-07:00

If my weight loss supporters have tuned in to my blog today, you're not going to read about my delicious version of Weight Watchers veggie soup, sorry John and maybe Wayne, nor are you going to read about the dismal valley I am currently traveling on my weight loss journey, at least not directly and maybe not today. This morning God woke me up and told me to write about something else--well, He woke me up, and He made me laugh about our night together last night....in the context of the past 8 years. My friends, close friends, mere acquaintances, as well as complete strangers who crossed my path, all know how ridiculously panicked I was after 9/11. I am not proud of how thrown off I allowed myself to be by the attack on my country, my city and my sense of security on September 11th, 2001, nor am I proud of how suspicious I felt of all of the people who immigrated, or fled, to our country from the East Asian countries back then. But my Father in Heaven, who knows me and loves me anyway, was not thrown at all, and He has made it His business to make sure I learned very quickly that I am not going to avoid His beloved people from the part of the world where He chose to begin His journey with mankind.

Prior to 1979, I had spent all of my life in and around the Texas Panhandle.
At that time, there were fewer than a handful of people from other parts of the world who came across my path. When we moved to DC so that my husband could play in the USAF strolling strings, I was very proud of the fact that my children went to school with children from all over the world, attending a public school in Georgetown. I felt enlightened and cutting edge as we invited a little person named Wahab, who came on the AF base with his limo driver for our oldest son's 6 year birthday party. His dad was an ambassador somewhere "over there". Our church, too, was diverse and I learned to love people from all over the world. But, when the planes hit the towers and, especially, the Pentagon, I was thrown completely off center. I was only beginning to come out of my haze of fear a year later when the snipers took our area hostage, and after that, I looked at all people who I didn't know well, with suspicion. But, as my fear grew, God stepped in and made sure I was exposed with increasing frequency to the very people I feared most. I was a teacher at the preschool at my church, and we had children from all over the world in our classes. I loved the children and their families, which helped my fear. Most of them were here to escape atrocities in their countries. But still I refused to fly, driving to see my family in Oklahoma when I could. I began to teach ESL classes, reluctantly and sporadically, thinking it wasn't my talent. I loved the people in my classes, though, and couldn't escape noticing how courageous all of the ESL students were, coming to a country where they didn't speak the language, and often giving up professional status in their countries to take jobs most would consider menial here.
My heart and mind was beginning to open. When my dad was dying I was forced to fly to be with him, because I was recovering from knee replacement surgery and couldn't drive. It was a sudden decision, so I didn't have long to pack. I had a carry on bag that I used for preschool, and since I had been making apple crisp the Friday before, and had stuck the knife in my bag to keep it out of the hands of the kids, I was confronted by a very grumpy security person, while my knees were being wanded!
That threw me off, and then, when I got on the plane, I got a further glimpse of God's ironic sense of humor! I was sitting in my seat next to the window, trying not to scrutinize every face that boarded the plane, when my seatmate sat next to me. His complexion was what my students would call dark beige. In front of him and me, sat two very large very dark beige men, and across the isle in the single file seats were two very beige men. No one talked at first, and I tried not to stare, looking out my window and praying....a song played over and over in my head, "How Great is Our God....sing with me...." Finally, I am ashamed to say, my seat mate spoke to me first. I realized right away, he was from India. He asked me if I was comfortable sitting next to the window, and I assured him that I was. The other men across the isle were also from India, and were very friendly. The two men in front were pretty quiet, but they seemed "normal" too. I was upset that my dad was dying, I was a little shaken by the possibility that I could have been stripped searched but wasn't thankfully, and I said to God, in my silent shame, "Okay, I get it, and I'm sorry."
The rest of the way, I looked out the window, spoke some to my seat mate, but he had a laptop, and was working, so I didn't need to talk to him. Mostly I hummed quietly,
"How great is our God" as I looked into the beautiful sunrise on that crystal clear fall day, not unlike 9/11. More later.....a teaser, you say? Well, for starters, my precious baby grandson was born on Sept.11th, 2007, and I am COORDINATING our ESL program now....AND directly involved with many many people from all of the "scarey" countries....more later! "How great is our God...." "How silly is His servant...."

Commitment or Just Interest?

2009-09-28T01:32:00.000-07:00

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." - Unknown
This is the longest I have ever been a member of Weight Watchers. I had been going strong since Jan. 1, 2009. The problem is, I have not lost any real weight since May, because I have been letting obstacles get in my way. Obstacles come to everyone, and the difference between success and failure is how we deal with whatever gets in our way. I was excited that, in March, in the face of a horrible obstacle, ie the critical injury of our youngest son, I actually continued to exercise and count points. But since then, I have lost my resolve. I am not sure why, but it really doesn't matter.
Yes, there have been problems, but there always are!
My number one obstacle has been my health. I continue to struggle with both diabetes and lupus, but the remedy for both includes diet and exercise. The second problem has been stress: stress about Nathan's head injury, Nathan's unemployment and Don's and my financial challenges. Again, neither of these things is negatively affected by my continued diet and exercise. In fact, again, the finances could be
positively affected. I could go on: concerns about extended family, family vacation, a really bad staph infection, killer antibiotics, a lupus flare up, a REALLY bad case of systemic poison ivy, subsequent KILLER steroids, subsequent sleeplessness and subsequent ravenous appetite....but again, none of this is adversely affected by diet and exercise. I'm really tired of my own excuses. They are getting me nowhere fast! So, today I am not only committing myself to eliminating the whiney baby in my head....I am committing myself to committing myself. I am accepting no excuses. I am getting my rapidly expanding behind back out there and exercising AGAIN. I am weighing in at Weight Watchers every single week, regardless and I am making another appointment to see my doctor. If I get swine flu....I will drink hot tea and stay in bed, but I will not feed the flu! (oink oink! I couldn't resist!) If a terrorist attacks somewhere in the vicinity of my Weight Watchers meeting, I will employ all of my evasive talents, formerly used to EVADE Weight Watcher meetings when I am doing poorly, and get there somehow! If all of my family members need me at once, I will tell all of them they can wait one hour while I walk four miles and stretch. Also, for any family member reading this, I am going to join my movie watching passion with my cooking passion and come up with my own version of Julie and Julia! I am going to cook through all of my most modern Weight Watchers books and report here. From now until the end of this project....or until I weigh 150 lbs., whichever comes first, I am going to cook a recipe a day from the Weight Watchers books I have and report here. I am going to report how I distributed my points for the day, and I am going to report my activity points for the day. Any of my friends out there who want to see how Weight Watchers works, I want to be a good spokesperson for you! Any of my friends and family who want to see how our Heavenly Father works, please pray for me. I cannot do this alone...no woman is an island unto herself...and my all time favorite Bible verse of all times for getting myself back on track is Phil. 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." I know that to be true. I have done other things that were as hard as this. He never lets me down. I have been the one to let myself down. But no more. Hold me to it, friends. "There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." - Unknown

What is the value of a life?

2009-08-27T04:25:00.000-07:00

What is in a life? I have been feeling nostalgic and sad with the passing of Ted Kennedy. I watched the lives of the Kennedys, as most people my age did. I was 9 years old when John Kennedy was asassinated, and I remember the gravity of those days. In my mind, as I was growing up, the beginning of the Cold War as well as the death of President Kennedy was the end of my feeling secure in my little world and the beginning of my realization that the world was a big, scarey place. My family was glued to the TV most of the 60's and 70's, with the death of both Kennedey's and Martin Luther King,and all of the riots, the Vietnam War, the student protests, and finally with Watergate. What I remembered about Ted Kennedy, before yesterday, was that he was the youngest of the Kennedy's, that he was involved in a vague scandal at Chappaquidick in which a young woman...not his wife...was drowned, and that my husband played at his second wedding 17 years ago! Not until I listened to all of the tributes yesterday did I realize the contribution that Senator Kennedy made to both his family and his country or the accomplished generation of children--both his own and his brothers', that he raised. I didn't realize that he had a strong faith in God. I didn't know he was responsible for the minimum wage, COBRA and worked hard for health care reform. I was vaguely aware of his political leanings, but I didn't realize his passion for helping the poor of our land. I heard a comment he made yesterday, "My mother read the Bible to us every day. She taught us that to whom much has been given, much will be expected!" I am so touched by the life that he lived! It made me cry this morning, hearing that members of his family are taking turns in a vigil sitting by his body the entire time he is in repose in the family compound. His neices and nephews spoke of him as they would have a father who died. All of this devotion does not happen unless someone lives a life that inspires it! Because I received most of my information from the TV growing up, I have patchy information about people and events, most likely centered around the most sensational news events. I am going to make it my business to study the history of my time, so that I can learn about the lives of men and women who led extraordinary lives. God created an eternal purpose in each of our unique lives. He wants us all to fulfill that purpose. I want to find out who He created me to be and what He created me to do with my life, so that, on the day I, meet Him face to face, He will say to me, "Well done, my faithful servant!" I hope that Ted Kennedy heard those words when he went home yesterday.

Now I know....

2009-08-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

Now I know why people travel to other countries! I have been hating my hair lately. I went to my hair salon about a month ago, but my usual stylist, Sameeda, was out on maternity leave, so a stylist I had never experienced cut my hair. She spent all of 10 minutes--15 tops on a $40 hair cut, but since she didn't cut much off, which is what I like, I paid for it and left. Later I was dissatisfied. I asked my neighbor, Lisa, who seems to always get a good cut, how she communicates with her stylist! She has a love/hate relationship with her ex-favorite hairdresser, who she no longer trusts, and she's managed a bartering relationship with another hairdresser. Lisa is not easy to please when it comes to her beauty services...her lunch or her coffee,either, by the way. So I was really interested in the very words she uses in order to come away from her hair stylist looking beautiful as always. The magic words she uses? The same as mine: long layers!
Today was my Weight Watchers, Freecycling and commissary day. I drove to Ft. Belvoir and stopped at the Starbucks in the base "town center" and sat on a bar stool examining my new cookbook, writing my list.
By the time I came out into the afternoon sun, the sun was missing. Noting the change in temperature, I decided to exercise before going to get groceries, so I put my stuff in the car, locked it up and took off down the street. As I walked by, I noticed a children's hair salon...they were selling hair cuts for $15. I also passed an adult hair salon as I rounded the corner, but my attention was drawn to the darkening sky. Hmmmm...maybe a long walk was not a good idea. At that moment, a strong breeze warned me that the skies above me were about to open up, so I turned on my heel and headed back to my car, and as I turned the corner by the adult hair salon, I saw a sign for $15 hair cuts!
I walked in and spoke to the lady at the desk.
"Do I need an appointment to get a haircut?"
"Usually," she replied, "but we are closing in 45 minutes, and you have just enough time to get a cut, and we have an opening."
She led me to a young man, about my height, of who was not of European, African
or Hispanic descent.
Being an ESL teacher, I listened to his broken English and with startling accuracy asked, "Where are you from?"
"Turkey," he replied, "I no speak English good."
Oh. Ummm...I have a hard time communicating what I want in English to an English speaking stylist. In fact, I had yet to be completely satisfied with a haircut by stylists of any nationality. But, I also can't leave any hair stylist without a LOT of guilt and embarrassment, so I decided to take the risk, especially since I had already had my hair washed and was sitting in his chair, as the young man asked, "What do we do today?"
Hesitantly, but with conviction, I asked for his name and said, "I don't want too much cut off!"
Engin replied with confidence, "You want long layers?"
Relieved, I answered, "Yes! Long layers! And a little bit of bangs!"
Engin took a bit of my hair in the front and combed it forward, "About this much?"
I nervously replied, "Yes...", and, "SNIP!" I had bangs.
Then the haircut began. Quickly I ceased to be a customer and became an admiring audience as my new hairstylist (forever) worked his art on my sun bleached, chlorinated, worn out hair. Immediately I could see this was the best haircut I would ever have! Engin had two small round brushes that he used like hair rollers, twisting my very fine hair around and blow drying very closely to the brush, steam rising in a cloud as he did so. As the rain poured in torrents outside, Engin was focused on everything he did, and when my cell phone rang, he didn't even look up.
"It's probably my husband," I said apologetically, wondering if I should interrupt ....Engin didn't notice.
"Hi, Don!" I said.
"Are you finished getting groceries?" he asked. "I just worked out for 105 minutes."
"Um..no, I was about to exercise too, but it started raining, so now I'm getting the best hair cut I have EVER had!"
All of the other stylists, also in need of ESL services, looked up and smiled. They actually understood English and said something to Engin, who smiled for the rest of the time he worked on my hair.
By the time Engin turned me around to look at my hair, if it weren't for my face and the rest of me, I would have looked JUST like Marilyn Monroe!! He and the other stylists smiled at me, and one of them said, "Beautiful!" I was totally amazed. I shook Engin's hand and asked if I could bring my friend Lisa, who is a not a military dependent, to him. He gave me his card and smiled. Engin had spent an hour on my hair! I WILL come back!
I have to add that, although there was a sign on the window that said "Haircuts $15", that was only advertising the children's salon next door. My haircut was $40.
It ended up being $45, because I gave Engin a tip. I wanted to give him more, but, had I known coming in that the haircuts were $40, I couldn't have justified getting another $40 cut only a month after my last cut! I'm so glad I didn't have all of the information, because I would have missed out on the best haircut EVER! NOW I know why people visit other countries....because there are all kinds of people in all kinds of professions who don't take their customers for granted and are not to rushed to offer personalized service with pride and joy! I took a picture of myself with my cell phone, in my Marilyn Monroe hair,to show Don, complimented Engin profusely to him and to the lady behind the desk, and then with great regret, walked out into the pouring rain.

Happy Half New Year!

2009-07-25T19:38:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those pivotal days in my life. I need to reevaluate my goals, and I've discovered that I'm quite happy with how I've focused so far this year.

These were my goals that I set on Jan. 1, 2009

1. Bible Study and Prayer 1 hour per day
2. 45 minutes cardio and 30 minutes strength/yoga per day
3. Weight watchers meeting every week 1 hour
4. 30 minutes to write down all food eaten per day during meal prep.
5. 2 hours per day Tue-Fri cleaning...4 on Fri. because of groceries
6. 4 hours of writing daily....6 on the weekends. Contact publishers weekly
7. 8 hours of sleep daily
8. Winding down, stretching and praying for others 30 minutes daily.

I've actually been consistent with my prayer and Bible study during the school year. This summer, I still haven't gotten my set time established. I have been doing more than an hour a day.

I am exercising 90 minutes per day most days of the week (5-7), but I have not been doing as much strength training and yoga as I should. It's all been aerobic.

I have only missed 3 WW meetings since Jan. 1st.

Most days I write down all of the food I eat.

I've been very consistent with the housework, but I have not with the writing/publishing commitment.

I've been sleeping 8 hours per night most nights.

God has been blessing my efforts and my health has improved by "leaps and bounds" since Jan. 1st. All in all, I am progressing in my goals, and that is encouraging.
I was once told by someone I admire a lot that success builds success. So I am praying that I will build on the success of the first part of the year on the second.
My weight watcher leader, Wayne, told us that when we reach a plateau, a good idea is to "start over". I think it's time to start over with my goals. I will be writing a list for the second part of the year. Happy Half New Year!

Praying through Ephesians Part 1

2009-06-17T12:26:00.001-07:00

Geoffrey Athey, our new executive minister at Fairfax, has been meeting with people from our church and leading us in group prayer every Sunday morning at 8. I have found it both meaningful to pray before worship and helpful in growing my personal prayer life into something more than it was. One of the things we have been doing on Sunday morning lately has been praying through the book of Ephesians, for ourselves as a group but mostly, for our church. Since I was reading through the book of Ephesians anyway for my own personal Bible study, I decided to slowly pray through the book of Ephesians. What resulted from that study has been very meaningful to me, deepening my relationship and intimacy with God. I thought I would share some of what I learned here.

It is God’s “good pleasure” to make His will known to us. God is not waiting for us to mess up so that He can punish us. His good pleasure is to make us aware of His will for us. His timing is perfect, and at the right time He sent His Son, and at the right time, He will return and bring all things under one Head. If it is God’s good pleasure to make His will, and Himself, known to us, then we should be seeking His will with our every prayer.
There is a “right time” when Jesus will come again. It is not going to be about our convenience, or at just the specific time we decide to be obedient to His will. His will is known to us now, and we are responsible for seeking it.

It is a privilege to be able to pray this prayer, “God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, please give us the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that we might know You better.” Eph. 1:17. Paul prayed that God would give the Ephesians the spirit of wisdom and revelation…so that they might know God better. We can pray that for ourselves, and when you think about it, what a miraculous thing that is. We can ASK for the spirit of wisdom that we can know the Creator of all things….better. That is the purpose of godly wisdom…to know God and Jesus better. That is enough to think about right there. We have the internet, and most of the time now, people go to the internet to find out answers to life. I find that risky, to say the least. What is the internet but a compilation of the wisdom of man, which, granted is vast, but in comparison to God’s wisdom? We don’t need man’s facts to the exclusion of God’s truth and wisdom.
The only place we can go to find wisdom is before God.

About worship and love......

2009-04-14T21:52:00.001-07:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking about worship lately. I never really gave much thought to whether or not we should consider having an instrumental service until a few years ago. I began visiting the Christian church and instrumental churches of Christ with my friend Lisa, who travels and speaks to women in both churches. One of the most meaningful worship services I have ever participated in was in a small church of Christ in Pennsylvania. It took place during a women’s retreat, and, since the church never existed without musical instruments, and since praise and worship styles were part of their natural worship, no one questioned the presence of instruments, the raising of the hands or any other expression of worship during the singing. I found myself participating in worship with abandon, completely focused on God and not wondering how I was coming across to these women, who I had only met hours before. It was a fruitful weekend, with several baptisms (scriptural ones), and one woman who was baptized studied the Bible with me prior to her baptism! That retreat took place the week after I returned from my father’s funeral, and it was a definite changing point in my spiritual walk.

We traditionally use these scriptures to address the issue of music in the church:

1. Ephesians 5:19 (Whole Chapter)
addressing one another in [Acts 16:25; 1 Cor 14:26; Col 3:16; James 5:13] psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,
2. Colossians 3:16 (Whole Chapter)
Let [John 15:3 ] the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, [ Eph 5:19 ] singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, [Colossians 4:6] with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

The argument against having a praise team was that the praise team is entertainment, and we should not be having entertainment in worship. Well, I can personally say that my voice is not and never has been entertainment quality. I sing on the praise team, because I love to sing, and do so joyfully, I can read music, so I can help support the sopranos when we have a new song, and I can sing on key. I do not have a solo quality voice, even though I would love to be able to sing a solo and may do so someday. But I do believe God has given me a gift for singing. Many times I have been in congregational worship, and either the song leader missed the melody, or the people around me didn’t know the melody. I just sing out….not to show off, but to help. And I love to do this. I guess someone could call that leading. I call it serving…..and singing to one another! Now the two Valeries, Andi, Jennie and Jody all have quality solo voices. I love hearing them sing, and my soul praises God, not them, when I hear their voices. I never have had any sense that any of these beautiful women ever wanted attention for themselves…..they gave the glory to God. If it bothers anyone to hear them sing, then I say, maybe your focus is on the fact that they are singing, not what they are singing or to whom they are singing. My soul has never failed to be lifted when I have heard any of these women sing.
I also know that my husband spent his life worshipping God with his music…..not at church, but every time I have heard him play “the Old Rugged Cross” or “Abide with Me” on his viola….I marvel at the work God has done in his life. When Bruce preaches a great sermon that makes me want to change something in my life…..and is still able to get me to take the focus off of myself and onto God, I am thankful for the gift God has given him.
I have grown up seeing a lot of things in our fellowship…..and never have I been distracted by singing….not even really poor singing. But I have been distracted by unkindness, gossip, rudeness, exclusion and judgemental sneering even during worship. It has caused me to believe that the only thing a person needs to do is do ANYTHING to get a LOT of criticism. We say we have no creeds but the Bible, but the Bible does not forbid the use of musical instruments, the raising of the hands in worship or singing to one another, as in a praise team. I have heard preachers and their families criticized so cruelly that I wondered why any man would want to be a minister. In almost every church the elders have been criticized and blamed for the problems of the body. I can’t help think that if we were busy concerning ourselves with the mission that Jesus gave the church—that of seeking and saving the lost—we wouldn’t have time to point fingers and spread vicious rumors about our leadership. Jesus didn’t spend one second in John 17 praying that we would all be right on every little detail….he prayed that we would be ONE…with Him…with God…and that we would love one another so that the world would know we are HIS disciples…not members of the church of Christ. I have seen Christians fighting over bus verses Bible class ministries, over inner city kids who got excited and loud after a baptism, over whether or not the leadership were truly committed….in a fellowship that grew from 250 members to over 1000 in several years….and the very people who were converted as a result of their leadership were the ones accusing. That church split and many precious souls became disillusioned and left fellowship. We left there as soon as we saw what was about to happen, because we didn’t want our children scarred by the increasingly public ugliness that hurt many people. I think it is time that we owned our public sin….as the church of Christ. It isn’t the sin of compromising scriptures to praise God by raising our hands, it isn’t the sin of either wanting or not wanting musical instruments. It is the sin of not loving one another deeply from the heart. There is a lost world out there that cannot tell us from any ordinary person on the street, because we are not loving one another in such a way that the world knows that we are the body of Christ. When our camps are used to criticize groups of Christians, when our teens hear whispering about one another or experience condescending conversation toward their parents, when our fellowship is tense and there are sneers on the faces of those among us, we cannot be pleasing God with our worship, with or without musical instruments, hands raised or not, voices mic’d or not. Most likely we sound like clanging cymbals to God. I LOVE the church of Christ. I was drawn to Christ because of the home I found there and people loving one another. I do not want God to have to raise up another people…perhaps from the stones on the ground…to go out and proclaim His word to a lost and dying world, because we are busy squabbling about what goes on within the walls of our beautiful buildings.

Blogging Again.....

2009-04-07T12:28:00.001-07:00

I can’t believe how long it has been since I’ve blogged! I won’t even try to catch up, but if you have Facebook, and you’re my friend, you probably already know what ‘s been going on with us.

I will catch you up on my weight loss journey, since that is what I last wrote about. I have lost just over 20 lbs. since Jan. 1st, and I give thanks for that success to God, Weight Watchers and my other support systems, like the Biggest Loser club, and my husband and children. Now if I can only do that about 5 more times!

I guess I will catch you up on the news about Nathan. He is recovering from a very serious traumatic brain injury. It happened over 3 weeks ago, when he had gone over to walk his girl friend’s family’s 3 Jack Russel terriers at lunch time, while they were at work. He accidentally dropped his keys with the leashes and locked himself out of their house. He called my cell, but his cell died before he could speak, so he got on Katie’s skateboard, (a longboard that goes highway speeds), and he was coming home to get his spare key, when he found himself going down a steep hill at too high of speed, and before he could slow down, he fell backwards and smashed the back of his head into the pavement. The impact knocked him out, and when he came to and realized he was bleeding from the head, he made his way up the hill to the road and a couple picked him up and brought him home, calling 911. Nathan knocked on the door, the ambulance came and Don got home at the same time. Don took Conner from me, and I rode in the ambulance with Nathan to Fairfax Hospital, where he was in the trauma ICU for a few days….and then in the neuro ward off and on for two weeks. He is home now recovering, coming off of pain medicine and still in a lot of pain. He’s dealing with it, though. He’s off of everything except one med. He has a skull fracture, an arterial epidural hematoma, a subdural hematoma, contusions on the frontal lobe and a percussive brain injury. He will be recovering for several months, but is so lucky to be alive.,,,not lucky, really…blessed.

Don and I are so thankful not to have lost our son. We also are thankful he has so many people who love him. His brothers were there for him, and his girlfriend, Katie, has been a huge support for him. Don and I are praying that God will keep working in Nathan’s life, and in all of our boys’ lives.

April is our big birthday month in our family. We celebrated Don C.’s birthday last week, we will celebrate Don’s this week and Steve’s next. It is fitting that after all of that celebrating, May is when Mother’s Day happens! 

I am the Weirdest Loser.....

2009-01-23T07:34:00.000-08:00

I'm up to my third week on Weight Watchers, so it's become a habit, theoretically and in reality. I hope I lose more this week than I did last, but I do believe it is about being grateful for every oz. lost. My second week I didn't even come close to eating all of the points I am alotted AND I exercised almost every day, with all of the intensity I had in me, and I only lost .8 of a lb.! My first week I lost 7.4, so I've lost 8.2 lbs. as of last Saturday. Tomorrow morning I'm hoping to have lost at least 3-4 lbs., as my scale shows. This week, I have eaten all of my points and have exercised, but I missed Sat. and Sun., because I was sick. I also missed yesterday, because I had a busy day....I did do a lot of running after Conner and running up and down the stairs, so that probably counts for something. Today I hope to exercise twice to make up one of my exercise days, and maybe I will get up really early and exercise tomorrow morning. I need to be at Weight Watchers at 7:15, because last week at 7:45, the line was all the way through the weigh in room and across the meeting room, with hardly a chair left in the meeting! So I'm getting up with Don at 4:30 on Sat.

Tomorrow is my second advanced oil painting class and my first multi-media color pencil class. I'm excited about both. Also I am going to a meeting Feb. 11 at George Mason to check into getting a Bachelor's of Independent Study degree. I have been researching it, and I am beginning to compile a portfolio to submit all of my experience since I was last in college, to gain credit for life long learning. What I am truly interested in is a Masters program at GMU in creative writing. I want to incorporate my art in my BIS degree, and focus on writing specifically in a master's degree. I always shrugged off the idea of a BIS degree thinking it was a wimpy way out, but after reading the requirements, I don't think so. They will give me credit for volunteer experience, job experience and lifelong learning, such as my art classes and writing workshops. It's something worth looking into.

Well, my Little Man is half naked, watching Sesame Street and finishing up breakfast. I was about to get him dressed and took off his shirt, when he let me know he wanted to finish up his toast and cheese. He is mesmerized by Grover and Elmo! Pray for me to know and accept God's guidance through these endeavors. I don't want to take anything away from Don and Conner. I really have always had a yearning to finish my degree, and my sister/friend Jennie Jackson, inspired me by getting her BS in Criminal Justice. Jennie is one of my favorite heroes! She is right away going after her master's. You go, Jennie! Yea!

Wedding Pictures

2009-01-11T02:30:00.000-08:00

Scroll down for Biggest Loser Posts after the pictures

praying

vows

sweet picture!

Don and me with the bride and goom

their first dance

the brothers

I received all of these pictures recently, so I decided to share them! I'm really happy to be able to share these joyful moments in our family...Facebook friends have already seen them!

I AM the BIGGEST LOSER, and yes, Nathan that is a GOOD thing!

2009-01-11T02:09:00.000-08:00

I went to Weight Watchers yesterday, and I lost 7.4 lbs the first week!! Yea! I got two stars, and I'm pathetic, but I'm so proud of those stars! I logged in 67 activity points for the week....exercised an hour 6 days with combined aerobics and weights. I only used 13 of those (exchanged them for food points). I hope not to use any activity points for food this week...kind of the point, you know. But our leader encourages us to use all of our points every week. I just didn't need them, because I felt like I had enough food all week. My points will go down as my weight goes down. I already subtracted one point from my food points this week; although, we don't have to readjust our points except once per month. I feel so relieved NOT to be bouncing from one diet to another. I think most well balanced diets work, but you have to stick to something.

I also got some tentatively good news from my rheumatologist last week. He examined me and all of my joints. I was diagnosed 14 years ago with systemic lupus erythmatosis, which is a pretty scarey disease. At the time I was also recovering from a case of Hepatitis A that I got at a salad bar where there was an outbreak of Hep A, and I came very close to death. My liver function was running in the high 2000's and 3000 is liver failure. I lost 40 lbs. in two weeks and couldn't walk because of weakness for a month. Anyway, my rheumatologist told me last week that he thinks the Hep A caused my immune system to overreact and that either my lupus is in remission or it is very very mild now. I test positive for two other autoimmune diseases, so he ran a battery of blood tests and xrays on my hands and spine, and he will call me this week. He said that if my lupus had continued as it was when I was first diagnosed, we wouldn't be sitting in his office having a conversation. At first, it was attacking my red blood cells and the lining of my lungs, maybe my heart....as well as my joints. He said I do have evidence of having degenerative joint disease in my hands and that was probably what made my knees so bad. He said my weight didn't help my knees but probably didn't cause the destruction that was evident when I had surgery. All of this is really good news, if the blood tests prove him right. The other good news is that my diabetes doesn't seem to have damaged my eyes, my nerves or my feet...all areas of concern. I am seeing a diabetes specialist on Jan. 27th to help me get things under better control. I requested that, because she is in Fairfax, as opposed to having to drive all the way to Walter Reed for care. I just can't do that very often...especially with the little man.
So, Don and I are thanking God for all of the good news and the weight loss. I feel like I have been given a reprieve, which I don't really deserve, but I will embrace and let God's grace change and discipline my life. Praise God!

God's Heart

2009-01-08T08:01:00.000-08:00

Conner is walking all over the place, and he's listening to Grandma! I'm so proud of him...and busy! This morning we've stayed at Chris's house for awhile, and I love watching him in his own home. He knows his boundaries. We're having fun now!!

On my own front, I have done well with my plan to lose weight. I have stayed right on the Weight Watchers program, and I've exercised every day...most days for an hour. It looks like I'm down 9 lbs. I knew it would be big...I did the opposite of that over Christmas. I did really well right up to and past Thanksgiving. Then the force of my own worst nature took over! I also decided to do Jaime's plan for reading through the Bible. I already have read through the Bible doing the three part readings. Now I'm reading 12 pages a day...6 in the Old Testament and 6 in the new. (No wonder I've lost weight this week...I've been up diverting Conner at least 6 times in the past two paragraphs!):)

In my readings so far, one of the things that moved me was in the story of Noah. People are always blaming God for all of the violence in the world...as in He doesn't stop it, so He is responsible. Well, in the days of Noah, the Bible said that every inclination of the hearts of men were evil all of the time...and the world was full of violence, so God was sorry that He had created man. It also said God's heart was full of pain! I think of God's heart and how forgiving He is. I think of Him and His patience, and his uncomprehendable love for us...how He condescended to become a human--He who created us and who is perfect in His holiness!
And his heart was full of pain because of the evil and violence of men. There are things that scream injustice in this world--the most heinous is that men blame God for the evil in this world! His every action and every intent was to save us from evil. But often, we won't be saved! So He gives us our way, and it fills His heart with pain! The only reason He hasn't destroyed us completely is becuse He is patient, not wanting any man to perish!

I have to go chase a baby now...more calories burned! (Burn, baby, burn!)

Ummmm....sorry about the pictures

2009-01-04T23:22:00.000-08:00

Well, I just now noticed the "running pictures" to the right of my blog. They had seemed okay when I chose them...in case you don't know, how you do that kind of constant photo feed is type in a word on the blog setting section, and the pictures pop up for you. I didn't look at all of the pictures, and I just noticed the kind of provocative pictures of Dallas cowboy cheerleaders, some woman eating a cherry in a weird sexy way, some woman with a piece ice in her mouth....hmmmmm...not the kind of change I'm really interested in achieving....so my apologies for the provocative pictures, and I changed my live picture feed to "puppies", because how can you go wrong with puppies? (I almost changed it to "bunnies", but......)

Final Goals

2009-01-04T23:04:00.000-08:00

Well, I joined Weight Watchers on Saturday, and it wasn't pretty~I thought, going in, that I would have gained back half of the weight I lost in 2008, which was 32 lbs., but I gained back all 32 lbs! But facing reality inspires me to do something about it, and I have been writing down, measuring, calculating points and walking like crazy since Sat. Don has been supportive, especially since I told him..."If I find out the world is coming to an end this evening at 6PM, I'm going to get my walk in by 5!" I have to be that determined, or everything else comes before my exercise.
(You know carrying a 31 lb. toddler up and down stairs a gajillion times a day COULD be considered exercise!)

So here are my long term goals for 2009:

1. Read through the Bible and take notes daily/continue to pray daily/pray for someone whose life can be touched by the gospel and "step in".
2. 45 minutes of cardio at least 6 days per week.
3. 30 minutes of weight/strengthening exercises 3 times per week
4. Yoga or stretching daily
5. Be the biggest loser in my friend Jaime's Biggest Loser Challenge
6. Lose 15 lbs. per month until I am down to 150 lbs.
7. Publish at least one children's book and one book of poetry in 2009
8. Send an item in to be considered by someone weekly (writing)
9. Write for four hours per day
10. Stay on my housework schedule so I don't have to play catch up.
11. Make sure our Writer's group meets monthly
12. Host a Writers' retreat in the spring
13. Plan one adventure weekend per month with Don and /or our family.
14. Sell 4 paintings

I know these goals don't seem spiritual, for the most part, but they are. All of these things are things I need to do to enable me to live my best for God. I appreciate prayers and accountability.

Too fat to live? Maybe....

2009-01-02T21:53:00.000-08:00

I spent all day yesterday putting away my Christmas decorations, organizing them for the next time we use them, doing laundry and watching shows about "super morbidly obese" people. I hate the term "morbidly obese". It sounds like the person in question is too fat to live. Watching these shows on the learning channel, however, I realized that some people are too fat to really live. When I was younger and full of self-loathing for my own weight problems, I used to watch those shows with mixed feelings of "morbid" curiosity and some measure of contempt. Last night, as I watched the largest woman to ever have gastric bypass surgery, I felt profoundly sad for her and the other people in her condition. This young woman looked like a young, beautiful face, fully made up, and floating in a mountain of flesh. She wanted her life back, so she was willing to risk it to have gastric bypass surgery, and she survived the surgery, but she had a massive heart attack a few days later. I watched all of the stories about the super overweight people, I was looking and listening, trying to figure out why they kept on eating....and to find out why I haven't been successful with my life long struggle with weight. I have about 80-100 lbs. to lose, and I have lost it many times...only to gain it back.
There were a few things that all of the people had in common. They were either in denial about the actual immediate danger they were in, or they felt paralyzed by their inability to do anything about it. The young woman who died was only 29. She had huge fat tumors growing all over her body, and she said, "I know they're there, but I've never seen them. I don't look down there." She took maticulous care of her face and hair. Her body actually looked like it didn't belong to her...her face was a sharp contrast to her body. There was a disconnect in who she saw herself to be and who she was physically. I can relate to that. I have listened to women of much smaller sizes,and all ages, most of whom aren't fat at all, disown and criticize parts of their body. I also understand her "leaving" her body behind and saying to herself, "That's not who I am." It is impossible to be motivated to change my weight permanently if I don't own my weight and size. So that is why I am going to Weight Watchers....and I am not going to wait until I starve myself and get to a smaller weight.

The other common factor was that each person was carrying around either their own emotional baggage or someone else's and the weight became a manifestation of pain, anger, loneliness, or grief. One young man, a teenager who weighed almost a thousand lbs., seemed totally emotionless. His mother, who had a weight issue herself, ran around providing food for him, talking to him like he was a baby, asking what he wanted to eat. I was immediately angry at her, for some reason. It turned out, later in the show we found out that she had lost her first baby boy at 19 months old. She had this teenager six years later and just poured herself into raising him. I think he was supposed to make up for the other son she lost, and she was literally "mothering" him to death. I just wanted to shake her. She kept crying about losing her first son and how if she lost her second son, she might as well jump into the casket with him. But what about the boy's life? As sad as it was that she lost one son, what sense did it make for her to kill the other one with food? I'm sure a lot of psychological things were going on, but it didn't seem fair that that mother's grief came out as 1000 lbs of flesh on her other son. It wasn't about her...even if she lost the second son. It was about her son needing a life.
He survived the gastric bypass surgery, and he was in such pain. The mother just kept on with her behavior...Unless he got into a healthier environment I don't have a lot of hope for him to survive his mother's grief. The woman had a husband, but he didn't seem to be important to her, even though he seemed to be trying to be supportive. Her grief was overwhelming her and her son. I actually had to turn off the TV at that point. Then I had to ask myself why that bothered me so much. It was that the son was so enmeshed in his mother's emotional baggage that he had no real self, as big as he was. There was a disconnect between this boy and himself...just like the woman who died. The only hope for him would be if his mom owned her own feelings and gave her son room to have his own life. Hopefully they all got some counseling. The boy needed his invisible father, too. It was depressing to me.

Then there was this angry, rebellious, gangster 800 lb. man! He would lose an amount of weight and then just demand and order in food in this rehab center--where he had begged to come. He was abusive to the doctors and nurses who tried tohelp him. He had been rebelled against his father as a teen, and then his father died, and that multiplied this guy's anger. He took it out on the world as well as himself. I didn't really relate to this guy, except for the fact that when I get off of my plan, I feel rebellious against my own rules...which is kind of silly. I say things to myself, like, "Why can some people eat whatever they want, and I have to...." Poor me! I don't think that way for long, because I know that I should be ashamed of myself. Three fourths of the world can't even eat every day. How dare I bemoan my efficient metabolism?

Which brings me to the depressing reality of all of the lives that I saw depicted. What a waste of life. Each one of those people had a unique purpose and potential that only God knows, because their lives were literally consumed by what they consumed, and then their bodies consumed whatever was left of them. I no longer look in morbid curiosity or any sense of contempt. I look with compassion, humility and gratitude, because were it not for my Heavenly Father, His grace and the determination He has put in my heart, I could have become a woman with a pretty face floating in a surreal mound of flesh, totally checked out of my life. I had a mound of pain in my heart when He healed me, and His grace makes me try try try again. So here I am, with the same main goal in 2009 that I had in 2008, beginning again. I have hope--because He lives in me.

Daily Goals for 2009....Long Term in Another Post

2009-01-01T09:17:00.000-08:00

Don has to work today, but I'm not complaining, because that gives me time to be work on my goals for 2009. I really like beginnings of things, and I reset goals a few times a year, so I don't call the goals I set at the beginning of the year resolutions. I have been thinking about these goals for a long time. I want them to be specific and practical. I am writing down the daily goals first, but I actually got them from my long term goals, which I will put in a different post. I wrote down my process and then scrolled up and put my final results on top, in case you aren't interested in what got me here. I wanted to post it all, because it was helpful for me to see why I feel like a hamster on a treadmill sometimes....without the cardio benefits! :)

2009 Goals FINAL RESULTS (See below for my boring working out the details process...)
1. Bible Study and Prayer 1 hour per day
2. 45 minutes cardio and 30 minutes strength/yoga per day
3. Weight watchers meeting every week 1 hour
4. 30 minutes to write down all food eaten per day during meal prep.
5. 2 hours per day Tue-Fri cleaning...4 on Fri. because of groceries
6. 4 hours of writing daily....6 on the weekends. Contact publishers weekly
7. 8 hours of sleep daily
8. Winding down, stretching and praying for others 30 minutes daily.
Okay that works better. That is about 16-17 hours scheduled....my hours with Conner and Don fit into the remaining 7 or so hours. I just can't set myself up for failure, and I will have to delegate...especially cleaning up after people.

1. One hour of focused personal Bible study and prayer per day...no more no less.
2. One hour of cardio and one hour of either strength training or yoga per day. AM and PM
I know it sounds like a lot, but I've built up to it and it is necessary to keep the mobility in my leg, change my metabolism and keep my morning blood sugars low.

3. Attend one Weight Watchers meeting every week in 2009

4. Measure and write down everything I eat in 2009

5. T-F follow my cleaning schedule and do no more or less than 2 hours of housework per day....keep up, not catch up.

6. Use Don's teacfhing times/nap times for writing. Write at least 4 hours per day....6 on days Don teaches.

7. /8. Sleep 8 hours per day.

8. End my day by stretching/physical therapy/ hot tea and praying for others.

Okay...I used the calculator. At least now I know where my problems lie. I have to schedule 22 hours a day to do everything I need to do....and I'm not scheduling the time I spend with Don, Conner, friends, ESL, going to church, talking to people either in person or on facebook...AAAHHH! I'm going to work this out.

1. Bible study and prayer not negotiable...one hour per day min. Nothing else works without that.
2. Okay so maybe I can do 45 min. cardio and 30 min. strength/yoga per day
3. One hour per week Weight watchers...on my way to art class. Sat., so no need to count in schedule
4. Writing down food/measuring is essential...works into meal preparation...at least 5-10 min. per meal
5. Cleaning...I would delegate, but I'm the one who cares the most, and that really is my job now that I'm a stay at home Grandma...taking care of Conner and my home and husband are my daily responsibilities....at least 2 hours for the house and more for Conner....I follow Don's schedule, so my free time is with him.
6. Writing...if I'm serious I need to use all of Don's teaching/Conner's and Don's nap time for writing. ....I need about 4 hours a day every day.
7. Sleep is non negotiable for health reasons
8. Winding down/stretching 30 min.
Okay that works better. That is about 16-17 hours scheduled....my hours with Conner and Don fit into the remaining 7 or so hours. I just can't set myself up for failure, and I will have to delegate...especially cleaning up after people.

Almost a New Year.....time to reflect on 2008

2008-12-30T15:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,
I have decided to take myself more seriously. Those of you who know me well may be collectively groaning and reaching for your "mice" to click off of this blog. Be patient, my friends, I don't mean that I am going to try to find my navel and contemplate it....the world has had quite enough of that kind of introspection from me. However, it is time for me to take myself seriously as a writer, and it is time for me to pay better attention to my health. I am not going to use my blog to hold myself accountable this year, though. Today I evaluated what I actually accomplished in 2008. I lost 32 lbs. and gained back 15....not much of an accomplishment, but something. The only time in my life I have lost weight in a healthy way was when I was on Weight Watchers. So, today I signed up for the monthly plan at Weight Watchers. I absolutely will not waste money by skipping meetings I've already paid for, and the fees will come out of my bank account monthly, so I have to make an effort to stop the payments. My pride will not let me step on the scales week after week with no weight loss, so I think I've made the right decision. My conscience was bothering me all last year when I thought of shelling out money to help me lose weight....as in, I have to pay someone to help me not eat too much food, when three fourths of the world is starving to death??? But how am I going to be of any use to the rest of the world if I am dead from diabetes?
I do not want to go the surgical path....I would rather eat less than be forced to eat less by going through the trauma of abdominal surgery. I will let you know how I'm doing--Jaime, especially. Pray for me. It is my hardest personal challenge.
The other health issue is my right knee. It has not bounced back after the knee replacement, like my left one did. I am rebeginning my own personal physical therapy, and if I don't see an improvement in the bend, I am going to go back to the surgeon and allow him to force the bend in my knee, which he said could break bones. I was released by physical therapy before we could get a complete bend in it, because I have huge scar tissue in there. I don't want any more surgery, and I sure don't want a broken bone, but I can't exercise properly with so little bend. Don and I walked all over downtown yesterday, but I had to stop every half hour and try to stretch out my leg. Today it was much better.
Now, as for my writing. My new writer friend, John Shore, who I met on Facebook, told me that I need to focus either on the writing or on the painting but not on both if I want to be successful at either. Resistant as I am to that idea, I know he is right. Since writing is where God has gifted me most, I am going to focus on that, without giving up my painting completely. I really want to publish the work I have already done as well as finish some work I have begun. I will illustrate the children's books I have finished, but the ones I have yet to finish sketching out, I will submit without illustrations. I am also going to publish some of my own writing on my blog, for comment or just to do something positive with it. Feel free to comment, criticize or share with others. I am not sure how many people read my blog, but several people have been commenting to me personally. That's encouraging. Finally, if you are my friends, you know that my desire is to please God with my life and all of my efforts. I know being responsible with my health and body is God's plan for me. I know He would like me to use my gifts to serve Him, as well. Please pray for me about both of these areas of discipline in my life. Happy New Year....I will be posting some specific goals on Jan. 1st...corny I know, but I need icons.

Santa Baby!

2008-12-23T13:22:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm on Conner break for about 2.5 weeks. I miss him already, but we will see everyone Christmas eve and Christmas day. Little Man and I have been all over Northern VA Christmas shopping since Thanksgiving. It's getting where Conner knows that we're going somewhere whenever he sees me. He smiles when he hears Christmas music playing, except Sunday when he was with us at chorus practice for Christmas Eve. He wanted to be on the stage with us.

Tonight Don and I are finishing celebrating our engagement anniversary. Last night we had dinner out at PF Chang's, and tonight we are wrapping presents together and watching Christmas movies. We were engaged on Dec. 22, 1974. We always exchange a gift and our Christmas cards on that date. It's my favorite Christmas tradition, because it's just between Don and me.

I went grocery shopping today, and it was busy at the commissary! It was weird being there without Conner! I was in and out in an hour. I didn't spend any more than I usually do for a two week grocery run. Our grocery bill is going down. I'm trying to cook just for the two...or three if Nathan's home...of us. Sometimes Katie eats with us, too, but she doesn't eat much. Rarely Don and Elise will come over, and sometimes we invite people over, but our food bill doesn't change much. I have been evaluating our spending on food, utilities etc and trying to do my part to cut expenses. I have been feeling nudged by God to spend less and give more...I have become more aware of ways that we waste money. I can't do it anymore. We have everything we need and more. We gave up our expensive gym membership, because Don has a gym at his work, and I wasn't getting there during the day with the Little Man. They said I could bring him to the nursery, but I just couldn't leave him there yet....he isn't my baby, and that does make a difference! Also, the germs...it's one thing exposing myself...but Conner...couldn't do it. (Some stranger could try to pick him up....) Then, there was just the logistics. I had enough trouble having the two hours to get me over there in and out of the pool, shower and go home...in winter. But with Conner....it just makes me exhausted thinking about it. So, I have been utilizing the hundreds of dollars worth of exercise DVD's and weights I have here....I love the newest Firm DVD's I bought last summer as well as Leslie Sansone's 3 mile walk DVD. I really feel convicted that I need to use what I have and stop looking for new answers. I think God's already sent me rescue boats, (no, I wasn't in Bethesda!), helecopters, tug boats.....a Hummer....and I'm waiting around for something new to change me. I need to use the tools God has given me, and start looking for more ways to serve Him with my strength and gifts. I still have my goal of getting down to my goal weight by the end of 2009. I could use prayers, but I'm optomistic. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (I'll let you know what my engagement anniversary present is...I have a feeling that it will be inspirational!) :)

A Rant about Rudeness

2008-12-11T18:54:00.000-08:00

I took a wimpy little journey into self assertion the other day. Most of the time I ignore it when someone is rude to me, but it seems that women my age start taking chances, calling people on their oversights, or downright meanness. My anger reflexes are a bit slow sometimes, but a so-called sales person in the CVS at Fair Oaks Mall really burned me up last Saturday! I was looking for a Wii game for Don, and I had looked all over the mall for it with no success. I went into CVS for something else and noticed they had Wii games. The salesman was a few feet from the Wii display, and I looked his way for a couple of minutes. Then I said, "Excuse me, do you have such and so game?" He stared at me in the eyes for a minute or so...and then a friend of his walked into CVS, and he pointedly ignored me, turned his attention to his friend and began about a 5 minute pointless conversation about some party and some girl. I was really angry, but I looked through the games....ignoring the conversation. After his friend left, the young man tried to talk to me, but I wouldn't even look his way. Then he said, rather obnoxiously, "That game you wanted, I sold the last one just a minute before you walked through the door!" Then he said it again. I ignored him and walked out of the CVS, but I was still thinking about it yesterday. After telling my family about it, everyone said I should have talked to the manager of the store. So I decided to call the store. I know it was too little too late, but I wanted to show that young man that he couldn't just discount people without consequences. BUT I had to call the 411 operator for AT&T. I have never spoken to a nice AT&T operator, and this one was no exception. She asked me for the address to Fair Oaks Mall. I told her Rt. 50, and she proceeded to give me an attitude, naming all of the streets in Fairfax county. I interrupted her and said, "You know, I have never once spoken to a curteous 411 operator from AT&T. I am going to file a formal complaint." She said, "So do you want the number?" I hung up. Then I tried to call the AT&T 0 operator. There isn't one. So I gave up. See, I told you it was a wimpy attempt. I think I waste a lot less time and emotional energy by just telling myself that other people's rudeness is their problem, not mine, as long as I am polite. But, if you decide to be rude to me, know this: I am not blind, I am not stupid, and I do have a voice, and I notice your rudeness. I just choose to rise above it. If that makes me arrogant, then what does it make you? Just asking.....

Thanksgiving!

2008-11-28T07:44:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was so much fun this year! We had a change in eating schedule, because Don and Elise had to go to Elise's grandparents for dinner prior to our dinner. Normally we eat at 3, but this year we ate at 6. Don and Elise got here at 6, but the stuffing and other sides weren't ready until 6. That gave me some time with my daughters in law, and Conner and Andrew, Marie Henderson's little boy, who is a doll baby, too. Marie played basketball with the boys and Don. Nathan played for about 2 minutes. He didn't feel well all day yesterday, and still doesn't feel well. The doctor said all of his abdominal organs are bruised, including his liver. The way it happened was, the boys and their friends--about 20 people....played "touch" football....but their first play involved two lines charging at one another. Chris, our oldest, and Nathan, our youngest charged each other, and neither one of them backed down. Both of them ended up getting hurt...Nathan more than Chris. Yesterday, before they played basketball, I mentioned disability insurance and how easy it is to damage spinal cords. I am reading the book, Wild at Heart. Maybe I'll begin to understand....

Anyway, first Cameron and I hung out with Conner and Andrew while I cooked....and that was a lot of fun. I'd almost forgotten about cooking with little ones underfoot. We had little cars, a high chair, sippy cups and cookies in my little kitchen. It was fun. The kids were excited and Andrew and Conner played sweetly with one another. When Elise and Don got here, Cam took the boys downstairs to play and Elise hung out and helped me finish up dinner. We fit ten people around our dining room table, with hardly an inch to spare. Don and I are going to have to get a longer table! We prayed and intended to go around the table saying what we are thankful for, but we never did that, because everyone was so hungry--except Don and Elise--who ate at her Grandparents. They ate though.

After dinner and dishes, we went downstairs for Wii bowling. Andrew and Conner were all excited, and my living room was full of action! I forgot to mention, our granddog Dylan was there, too. He is a border collie, and before Conner's birth, he was the "baby" in his family. He still thinks he has to sit in my lap and lick my face. So if Conner or Andrew wasn't taking a rest on the couch with me, Dylan was squeezed between me and Elise or on top of both of us...kissing us on the face. He reminds me of a 5 year old suffering from sibling rivalry.

It wasn't hard for me not to eat meat, even though I gave myself permission to have a piece of turkey. I just didn't eat it, because it didn't sound good to me. Everyone said it was the best turkey ever, but I couldn't eat it. I did eat other things with milk products and eggs, so I had a vegetarian meal...not vegan.

I am thankful for all of my family, especially my daughters in law and baby Grandson. I am thankful for my husband and our 33.5 years of marriage. I am thankful he knows me better than anyone on earth, and he still tells me I'm perfect. No one knows better than he does...except me...how imperfect I am. But he truly loves me. I am thankful that God has created this family from the two of us.
I love and respect my children....the boys and their wives...our little grandson. I am thankful for Marie and Christine and little Andrew in our life...and all of my friends and church family. I feel like my life is a painting with all of the little nuances and rich colors...lights and darks....brights and dulls...warms and cools...that make up a great painting. God has blessed me richly. I am so undeserving, but His love and grace has rained down upon my life. How can I help but thank and praise Him. Thank You, God!

Continuity and Wise Adventure

2008-11-26T17:30:00.000-08:00

This is the 34th Thanksgiving dinner I have made;although one year when I was sick, I coached, half-conscious from the couch, in between trips to the bathroom--it was the year I had Hep A. I am always up the night before Thanksgiving, making pies, cornbread, salads and cleaning. Every year I ask what everyone wants for dinner, and they always mention the same things I have made for all of these years. They only want that dinner once per year, but they always want the same dinner. Usually, we go to devotional the night before Thanksgiving, but this year Nathan spent the afternoon at the hospital. He was diagnosed at the medical clinic with appendicitis. After a CAT scan at the ER, it was discovered that what he really had was extremely bruised internal organs, to include liver, kidney, and all of his abdomen, from a game of "touch" football he played with his brothers last weekend. I am not happy. They are grown men, and they should know how fragile the human body is....even young 20 and 30 something bodies. One of them is a daddy, and he should know how valuable his spinal cord is! When they were little and hurt each other, there were consequences. When they hurt themselves, the consequences took care of themselves.
This year, I am considering taking Thanksgiving dinner hostage....and banning the basketball game altogether. At the very least, I am sending the voice of sanity, their dad, out in their midst. They have always known there will be "heck" to pay if they hurt their dad....or me. But I quit playing with them after they started getting taller than me. But this is serious....a liver can be ruptured so easily, and if the liver is ruptured, death from hemmorage happens almost instantaneously.
I told Nathan that if he even thinks about playing basketball tomorrow, I'm cancelling Thanksgiving dinner. He promised he wouldn't. Just wait until Little Man is big enough to play....I think they all will curtail the rough stuff. If they don't, there will be "heck" to pay....from Chris, Cameron AND all of the grandparents. I know boys need adventure....but wise adventure! Happy Thanksgiving, friends.

Praise, Pounds, Phil and Rainbows......

2008-11-17T10:04:00.000-08:00

It was an extroidinary weekend! I learned so many things about our brother, Jeff Dalling! It was inspiring to hear how many people connected with the selfless service of Jeff and how everyone knew that he was the way he was because he loved (loves) God. I was inspired by how many people attended his funeral, provided food and ministered to the Dalling family. I admire the courage and faith of Wanda, Lizzy and Ben. They were here and serving all weekend. I admire that they let us share in their sorrow and yet were willing to humbly serve and be served by the family at Fairfax. That is the way families are supposed to operate, and I am so grateful to have witnessed such faith in action. I am also grateful to be a part of the family at Fairfax.

Also, I was proud to be part of our church family last night as we welcomed the McKinney family. Pound parties were new to us when we moved to this area. We moved to the DC area on a prayer (we didn't even have a wing). We became members at University Park church of Christ, and some really dear friends gave us a pound party.
We felt part of a family, and we really needed to find family in this big cavernous world up here. I was happy to hear Phil say that they felt they were "home" here. That's the way everyone should feel--that our church family is home,to our old and new members, even people who are not yet part of our church family. I miss my family at University Park, too...the way it was then, and I miss the sister who gave us the pound party.

It was great to see the faces of everyone in the congregation from the vantage point of the praise team. It was like Phil said, we weren't singing to each other....we were singing to God.

Oh, and I forgot to mention....Saturday after the funeral and after my art class, I looked out the window right on the Potomac River--from the Torpedo Factory. There was the most beautiful rainbow I have ever seen....a brilliant double rainbow with 8 different colors...I always thought rainbows only had 7 colors! I looked around the elevator and beckoned a young family to go outside and look at the rainbow with me--I just wanted to share it with someone. We were just staring at the rainbow, and I was trying to think of something to say to the family, when the young woman said, "Wow! This is just PERFECT for the gay pride event downtown!" Um...not exactly what I was planning to talk about, so, as my mind drew a blank, I decided to call and share the rainbow with Don...over my cell phone! He had already seen it from his Centreville vantage point and had called me during art class. I had whispered, "....still in class!" Anyway, I guess wherever you were, you probably saw it, too. (I'd like to think Jeff asked God to display it for his family.)

Losses

2008-11-13T20:13:00.000-08:00

This week we had a tragic death of the father of a young family, Jeff Dalling. It is the second such death in our church this year. He was a public servant who traveled into harms way in both Iraq and Afghanistan in the past several years. He was also on our prayer team, and we all prayed for him and felt relieved that Jeff didn't have to go back overseas. He died of a brain aneurysm. I am so sad for his family....his wife and children are going to miss him so much, as will our church. He was a good man, a true servant from what I knew of him.

I've been thinking about the Roth family, another family who lost their dad this year. It must be really hard going through this again with another family in our church, at least for Tresa and the older kids. Pray for the Roth family, too.
I know we know we will see our loved ones again, but it's so hard when Heaven seems so far away, especially to children.

Other upsetting news came from my family. My brother, who has polycystic kidneys, like my dad had, went to see his nephrologist in Denver, CO. My brother's kidney function has gone down from 60% to 47%. He is only 49, and he seems to be losing function a lot quicker than my dad did. He will most likely have to have a kidney transplant...I thought about giving him one of mine, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't let me, because of my lupus and diabetes. Pray that my brother's kidney deterioration slows down and maybe that there will be a cure for his disease. He's had to quit his job because of pain and will hopefully be on long term disability and then social security disability. He has a good attitude. He said that he has an opportunity to be home with his 15 year old son now, and he may not have that time later. That makes me sad, too, but proud of my brother. I'm going to go see him this Feb. I think.

God Bless America!

2008-11-04T21:22:00.000-08:00

I am amazed by the distance our country has traveled in the last 44 years! Today I turned 54 years old, and I have a picture that is engraved in my memory from 44 years ago. I was standing on a street corner watching a parade. I was holding hands with another little girl, with dark skin, and she and I were oblivious to everything except the sights and sounds of the parade before us. Suddenly, we were ripped apart, and, as my father grabbed my shoulder, bent to my level and shook his finger in my face, so did my friend's father do the same to her. She and I stared in bewildered silence at one another, and never again were we allowed to play together in our fathers' workplace--where my dad was a credit manager and hers was an elevator operator. It was the first moment of my awareness of racism, and fear was the shadow on both of our fathers' faces, fear for what could have happened to two little girls standing on the street in Wichita Falls, Texas during the racial tension-filled sixties, holding hands, watching a parade.

I remember the fires that my parents watched burning on the TV screens, and I remember the muffled whispers and furtive glances and they worried about what would become of our country. I remember Martin Luther King's speeches on racial equality and I remember wondering why anyone would deny someone their rights just because of the color of his or her skin.

Later, as a young woman I was angry to find out that parts of towns in Texas had what was called "colored town". I read books like "Uncle Tom's Cabin" and "Diary of Anne Frank" and I made comparisons of the cruelty in both worlds. I was already outraged by injustice, but then I became fearful of the capability of men to believe in the superiority of one race over another. The murders of Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy added to my fear of the reality of our world. And there was always the looming mushroom cloud of the cold war.

Tonight, I am amazed. Although I voted for Sen. McCain, because of my strong belief that abortion is wrong, I am proud of our country for electing an African American President. And it is gratifying to know that most of the electorate who voted for him were not black. Our country has come a long way.

This was the first election that had me undecided until a week before the election. It was the abortion issue that pushed me onto McCain's side, but I think both men would be good Presidents, and unlike most of the hype I've heard about Palen, I respect her as well. I don't know much about Biden...or at least I didn't until tonight. I am sure you all prayed, as I did, for the outcome. I miss talking to my dad about the election. He used to take me to vote. He would have been amazed and proud tonight, too. And unlike me, he would have voted for Obama. And that would have been an amazing thing, too! Thank you, Dad, for taking me to vote with you...you gave me a love for my country, and you made election day have a wonderful sense of anticipation for me. I did the same thing for my boys, and all of them voted today....basically, our whole family cancelled out each others' votes! :)
But at least we live in a country where we can do that! God bless America....and please, dear God, let us glorify You by our actions.

2008-10-30T18:27:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow night Don and I have GREAT tickets to see Michael W Smith and Stephen Curtis Chapman. Then we are planning to spend the night at a hotel in Rockville.
I'm excited. This will be the fourth time we've seen Michael W, but the second time we've seen Stephen Curtis! We are kind of celebrating my birthday early. Next week I am going to a Ladies Retreat with New Life Christian church. I'm going straight to my art class both Sat. after we spend the night in a hotel and I'm leaving early from the retreat for my art class. (I have my priorities right, right?)
Roan Rickards comments had me in tears Sunday morning. He talked about the Marines, their willingness to die for one another and their respect for their fellow Marines...both dead and alive. My dad was a Marine. I knew what he was talking about. I miss my dad more this year than I have in the past two. There are a lot of things I would like to ask him. I think I've been dealing with so much change--good and not so good--since he died. Now, I'm sad. That's so weird. I'm getting close to the age he was when he had his first major stroke. I'm going to be 54 next Tuesday. He was 62 when he first had a stroke. It's hard to imagine being handicapped so young. Happy Halloween out there. I'm putting a bowl of candy on the front porch next to our jack o lantern with a sign that says, "Please take one." Don laughs at that idea. Hey, I have faith in our youth! :)

Jumping Out of the Boat....I'm not a Boat Potato!

2008-10-26T23:25:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure how many people read my blog, but any who do, please feel free to comment. I have decided to vote for John McCain; although, I don't think he is the best choice, as far as his ability to run this country at this time in history. I like him and respect him as a person,I respect his military and political service to our country, and I will respect him if he miraculously becomes President. I think Obama has a better financial plan, and I agree with his plan to exit our troops from Iraq as soon as possible. But I cannot vote for a candidate that is pro-choice, because I believe abortion is WRONG! I listened carefully during the debates to Obama's stand on abortion. He said, "I am against partial birth abortion, as long as there is a clause that allows for it in order to protect the health of the mother." Even before Roe vs. Wade, babies could be delivered early when the pregnancy was a threat to the health of the mother! And, why is no one asking this question: What in the world does it have to do with the health of the mother to KILL the baby after he/she is partially BORN? With my first son I had pre ecclampsia and was close to dying after 21 hours of labor. My son was past due, and they did an emergency C section to save both my life and the life of our son. Okay...there was never a question that my baby being born ALIVE would affect my health negatively! Of course we desperately WANTED our baby!
Partial birth abortions are performed during the last trimester, when, with our advanced technology, a near term baby can be viable. Why, why why KILL the baby after he/she is partially born....in the guise of protecting the health of the mother?? The baby would still be OUT if they didn't kill him or her!!! The only thing that protects the life of the mother in this circumstance is getting the baby OUT! Why NOT allow this precious CHILD....a life that God considered important enough that He knitted him or her together in her mother's womb...why not allow that child the chance to live? If the mother doesn't want the baby, someone out there will!
It is not ours to say when life begins. As a mother of four, I knew there was life inside me early on. There was a relationship between me and my unborn children.
I do not pass judgement on anyone--God alone knows a person's heart. But I do question the logic here. I definitely disagree with the morality of protecting a mother, who actually has many choices to prevent an unwanted pregnancy by sacrificing a life that God created from the union of two people. I have had a couple of friends who had abortions when they were young. They were emotionally scarred because of the experience--and I have compassion on young women who make the choice to abort their babies, because it takes a toll on them, and sometimes they realize too late that society is not always right. But I cannot think of even one argument that could stand honest scrutiny in support of partial birth abortion. Take the baby, if you must, to save the mother, but give the baby a chance to live....and give someone else the chance to parent him or her! There are many people out there who can't have babies who would give everything to give love to an unwanted BABY!
I have heard the argument, "Well, what about the lives that are being lost in Iraq?" I hate war. My father was completely traumatized for his entire life because of fighting as a Marine in WW2 and by being the only survivor from his division who fought in the Korean War...and he nearly didn't make it because he was shot in the stomach. I love soldiers, and I hate war...even necessary wars. But any good soldier would risk his own life to run into a battle and drag away the body of a fallen comrad. That's the way they are trained. My dad was a Marine. I know about the horrors of war. But the Marines are a volunteer branch of the service, as are all of the branches of service during our times. Men and women VOLUNTEER to go into battle. They are trained. They know where they are headed. They have choices.
An unborn child is at the mercy of the vessel that carries him or her. And even then, sometimes aborted babies live a few minutes after being cast from their mothers. Those little babies have no choice. Who knows who they may have become?
They have no voice of their own. Only people with voices and choices can speak for them! We are outraged when we see the genocide that occurs around the world. We cry out for redemption...not nearly enough...but we do...when atrocities happen around the world. But we have for almost two generations stood by while generations of our OWN children have been massacred in the name of "pro-choice". What about the choice of our babies? I would love to see a change in our country, but I don't think it is going to come from our President alone. The change has to happen in our hearts! I do not hold to the dogma that there is only one political choice for Christians. I always vote for the man. I will not have anyone telling me for whom I must cast my vote. My dad used to take me to the polls when he voted. He considered voting his patriotic duty and right. He always told me that who I voted for was my business alone! I honor the duty, the right, and my father. If he was alive, he might vote differently than I will on November 4th...which is also my 54th birthday. But he did defend almost to his death before I was ever conceived, my right to cast that vote. Do I care about the lives that are being lost in Iraq? Yes! But I have to speak up for the lives that are being cast away every day in our own increasingly self absorbed society. A life is a life. I am thankful for mine.
And that brings up another question that is looming on the horizon. If we humans have the power to decide when life begins, then how far away is it in this perilous economy in which we live, before someone raises the question of: When does life END? I had a 16 year old friend in Texas who was thrown from a horse many years ago. She landed on her head and was in a coma for years. She woke up sometime around our senior year in high school. She was herself again...with a few minor glitches. Her parents got to finish raising her and she rode horses again. She had a life, even when she was in a coma. I have other friends who have passed on from cancer, most of them very young. Until they breathed their last breath, there were thousands of prayers being offered on their behalf, because their lives were precious...even though all they could do was lie in a bed and interact with those around them. I have to wonder how far we are from a society that considers the sick and the handicapped a drain on our economy and our precious "way of life" to the extent that we no longer consider the rights of those people. Even today, a person with no health insurance is not very likely to get adequate health care. And I know, the Democrats have a great plan for national health care. They also recognize our need to actually care for the poor, instead of making them wait for
money to fall out of the sky and land on them! AND my last point is this: Republicans have been standing on the pro life platform for many years, and I think several have been elected while proclaiming to be pro life. If they can't produce some meaningful legislation...take a real stand for life....then why should we keep voting for them? I'm getting a little sick and tired of talk. And I am really tired of hearing about our bulging pocketbooks here in America....when a whole segment of our population can't even conceive of having money to invest in the stock market, because they can barely live from day to day. AND even they are far richer than most of the world we live in. Anyway, I'm voting for McCain...and I'll see if he does anything about abortion.

God is always watching!

2008-10-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

Conner has had a cold all week, but as of last night I was still undecided about cancelling my dr. appt at Walter Reed for today at 1PM. I felt unsettled, because I haven't taken Conner into WR yet, and I was concerned he might pick up a flu bug or something. But I haven't been to the dr in a long time, and I've been sick off an on since August. I finally decided to cancel when I couldn't shake the feeling that I shouldn't go. My appt. was easily rescheduled, and I felt good about taking good care of Conner.
This afternoon, Nathan and a friend discovered that my valve stem on my car was leaking air....so badly that we could hear the air escaping. Nathan and John changed my tire, and I took my car into Goodyear. Turns out my tires had been recalled, and they replaced all four tires and didn't charge me a penny! If I had kept my appointment, Conner and I would have been on 495 rushing when the valve stem started leaking, and many people have crashed as the result of a faulty valve stem. That is the fifth brand new tire that has gone bad on my car since August 2007. I was stranded with Conner twice, once with my nephew and once with Conner and Mary Jane McGiboney! Hopefully, this is the end of my tire issues....but it could have been SO much worse! God is good! I have been all over the area this week, and my tire started leaking in my own driveway! I drive Conner on two way roads every day. I consider it a huge responsibility. Chris, Cam and I just switched Conner to a bigger car seat, because he was getting to the weight limit on his. Anyway, I'm feeling loved and cared for. I am thankful for Nathan and John, too, and for Goodyear's integrity. I have changed my opinion of them.

Not giving up.....giving it up....

2008-10-21T20:28:00.000-07:00

Well, my drawing class is annoying me! It's because we do three minute sketches for 2.5 hours straight...with a break, but just when I start to get a concept, it's time to change. I know I'm learning, because my paintings are getting better , but we never finish anything in drawing class! I'm always ready to go home after class, though. On the other hand, I could paint all day long...I am never ready to go home on Sat. I'm thankful I can take these classes, though.

Conner has another cold, and yes, he slimed me again. I hope he feels better really quickly, and I'm hoping my resistance is higher this time. I don't want to end up sick in bed again.

I'm excited about a few upcoming events. Don and I have really good tickets to see Michael W Smith and Stephen Curtis Chapman at the Strathmore with the National Symphony on Halloween! I had to get the tickets as soon as I heard the first advertisement, because Don's dream concert was to hear the two of them at the Strathmore! I had the same dream.

We also have a free night's stay up on Skyline Drive on November 23rd! We go there every few months, so they gave us a thank-you night. We are going up after church.

Don and Elise, Chris and Cameron and another couple are hiking up a mt., camping out and hiking down this weekend. Cam's mom is watching Little Man. It should be a beautiful hike. I hope the weather is nice for them.

I'm going to be 54 in a couple of weeks, and I'm not near my goal weight again. I don't know what to say about that. I see my doctor this week, and I'm about the same as I was the last time I saw her. She doesn't get after me about my weight...she's mainly concerned about all of my other numbers. She's a good doctor, but I wish my weight was going to be down. On the positive note, I've weighed more, and I'm not far from the weight I was when I got married. I still am sticking with my goal of getting to my goal weight in 2009. God will get me there, if I give it up....but not give up.

Restoring communication--return of my cell phone!

2008-10-13T01:29:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I got up early and trekked out to Rt 29 where my cell phone flew off the roof of my car...still feeling DUMB! Anyway, I didn't find it! I did, however, get my jeans legs really wet, as well as my shoes...with the morning dew, and some really tiny seeds were all over my shoes and pants. Lovely look, but I was going to art class....people show up all kinds of ways.

It was a two art class day...making up for lost classes on Don's wedding day and my weekend away with Jennie. So I was painting from 9:45-4:00. I still didn't want to quit. My art teacher was quite pleased with both of the paintings I was working on, and I got some very good feedback. I just can't learn enough about painting right now! I'm loving it!

And to my surprise, when I checked Don's cell to see if he'd called me on it, I saw 2 calls from MY cell phone!! Yep, my sweet husband found my cell phone!! He said it took him one minute! He was more certain of where I'd lost it than I was. It had a few scratches on the back, but other than that, it was perfect! Did I mention that I have the BEST husband ever! (No you don't, I do!!!) :) He stopped on his way to Warrenton area to play a wedding--in his tux, no less! No, he didn't get wet pants legs or tiny seeds. He didn't park on the OTHER side of 29 and run across 29 like I did. He didn't go down in the ditch and up the other side. He just stopped where he thought it was and there it was waiting for him! I didn't mention how efficient he is, either! It's a good thing he is with a wife who leaves her cell on top of the car--I lost my best Bible that way, too....on the FFX Cty parkway once. I stopped and picked up all the pieces and tried to put it back together, but I couldn't. So I missed all my years of markings and the "flip open" spots. In that case, I started all over, and it was okay. Now my new Bible has those things.

Bruce talked about resolving conflict today and all of the things that we do but shouldn't in the face of conflict. I have to say that I have visited most of the wrong ways to deal with conflict. I'm still thinking about it. I'll write more about this later.

Birthday, Cold Stone and Flying Cell Phone!

2008-10-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

Tonight we celebrated Chris' 32nd birthday! You know you're getting old when your kids start getting old! :) Sorry, Chris, just couldn't resist! Seriously Chris is getting up there! We were 35 when we moved to Fairfax county from DC, and that seems like yesterday! Don and I took Chris, Cam and Conner to PeiWei for dinner and then to Cold Stone for ice cream. I got to see Chris and Cam in action with Little Man--in public. They were great! Conner seemed to know what to expect from them, and they worked as a team. Don and I were quite proud. I'm always proud to watch my son with his son! He loves Conner so much, and Conner loves him back. Same with Cameron! Conner expects love wherever he goes, and that is because he receives love from everyone around him. Pei Wei was good, but I didn't like what I ordered. I ordered a Thai dish with coconut and chicken. It was kind of slimy, spicy with a weird taste that I can only compare to some kind of charcoal lighter. Chris agreed with me. But everything else was good. I had never been to Cold Stone except to buy an ice cream cake one time. The ice cream was good, but I didn't know how to order. I ordered black cherry and French vanilla ice cream and then sat down to watch Conner. Don asked if I wanted it "mixed", and I said, "No." The next thing I know, Don is semi-shouting over to me, "Are you sure, because it's going to be HUGE!"
Did I mention that I dislike eating ice cream in public places, because I shouldn't be eating ice cream at all??? I muttered, "Fine, just have them mix it and put it in a cup." Don came over and said, "I told them to put it in a cup, and they put it in this big cup! So, I kind of huddled next to Conner, holding a BIG cup and feeling like a pig! Of course I fed Conner some, and I only ate off the top...who eats dessert anyway after eating dinner at a Thai place? Don didn't mean to be LOUD about ice cream in PUBLIC...and using the word "HUGE" about my portion....we just never have ordered ice cream at Cold Stone before....and probably won't until I am 50 lbs. smaller.
On the way to meet Chris and Cam, my cell kept ringing. We couldn't find it! I always carry it next to me when I am driving, and I was driving. I assumed it was in my purse, but it was ringing near me...not on the floor where my purse was. We were in stopped traffic, so Don took off his seat belt and was crawling around trying to find my phone. He kept calling it, and it kept ringing muffled near me. I made sure I wasn't sitting on it, and then we decided it was under my seat. It rang again as the traffic finally sped up. Then we heard it! A couple of clunks across the roof of my car and a crack on the pavement behind my car! Don called my phone again....no ring! My phone was lost from the top of the car! I was really sad, because I love my phone. Don reminded me we have insurance, and I cheered up a little, but I knew I would lose numbers I probably couldn't get back. Then, after we got home, I remembered all of the adorable pictures of Conner since birth...all on my phone. I have to go back and try to find my SIM card. I'm going to do that tomorrow morning before art class.

Next time--wedding pictures!

Sept. 27th--one of the BEST days

2008-09-30T15:29:00.000-07:00

The wedding was more than we could have asked or imagined! Don and Elise were so joyful, and I don't think there was one person at the wedding or the reception who didn't share their joy! Tim Jones did a wonderful job with the wedding ceremony--it was absolutely perfect for them. Elise was a beautiful bride, and she was so happy, which made her glow! Her dress was elegant and beautiful, and she picked out really nice dresses for the bridesmaids. Don looked very handsome...his tux was longer than the rest of them, so he looked really TALL and handsome.

A really great thing that was unexpected was that Don (son) and I ended up having a manicure and pedicure together. He wanted a pedicure, so Don Sr. gave him some money and told him to meet me where I was going. The only thing was I decided to get mine done where I was getting my hair done. Don came over thinking I was having my hair done, but ended up sitting in the chair next to me and getting his nails done. We had fun. Don had never had a pedicure before, and wanted to get rid of his rough feet for Elise. I thought it was hilarious that we ended up doing that together--I had felt a little lonely getting mine done by myself on the wedding day.

I don't think there was a dry eye in the church during their ceremony. Both Don and Elise were teary, and so were her mom and I. It was really special. Don and I are so happy for them. At the reception, Elise's grandad was supposed to say grace, and he did a great job. First he explained what grace meant in the Bible, then he told us what "Amen" meant, and then he had us say "Amen". It was cool. Then we all danced the night away. Don and Elise like "oldies", so there were a lot of Beatles and 60's and 70's music. It was great. Don and I felt young again. What was most gratifying was to hear what Elise's dad had to say about Don, and that he believed their match was really made in Heaven. Tim, our neighbor, friend, and Don and Elise's minister at New Life Christian Church, said that he really believed the angels were singing and God was smiling down on Don's and Elise's union. I truly felt that way! Thank you God for September 27th. It was one of the best days! Pictures later.

Counting Down....and some random pictures

2008-09-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

Top picture is of Nathan and his girlfriend, Katie...no, they aren't getting married right now, but it was Nathan's birthday Sept. 13th. The other picture is of our family on vacation in NY state several years ago.....just because.

We can't believe Don's and Elise's wedding is only days away! We had such a joyful weekend the weekend before last and last week with Nathan's and Conner's birthday and Elise's wedding shower. Her wedding shower was so much fun, because her bridesmaids planned it, for the most part. Then, this past weekend, Don's brothers and friends took him on a bachelor party camping trip in the Blue Ridge. I'll post pictures soon.

Don and I are going to miss Don around here. He comes in and talks to us, and he always has something positive to share. He is really a joyful person and a joy to be around. He's always been like that. I can't remember a time when he wasn't like that. We are happy for him, though. He has chosen a wonderful woman to marry, and she has chosen a wonderful husband too.

Okay...enough mushy stuff. I need to make a list of what I have left to do:
Finish the card for Don
<em>CALL PACINOS and CHANGE TIME OF REHEARSAL DINNER TO 15 MINUTES LATER
<em>Type up the poem I wrote for the wedding
Buy some frames for pictures of Don and Elise N/A
Take care of LG's gift
Be on the lookout for TJ's gift
GO TO ART CLASS TOMORROW NIGHT--GO EARLY FOR SUPPLIES
GO TO PRACTICE ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT
color my hair
get a manicure and ped
Look for some dress shoes for Nathan
Keep checking FreecycleMissions money
send puppet play to Grace
get decorations out on Thurs. (Print email from Kristen)

Pray for the wedding to be beautiful and just what Don and Elise have dreamed of.
Pray that God will be glorified
Meet Kristen to decorate
Decorate the tables for rehearsal dinner
arrive early for rehearsal
hair appt for styling 11 AM Sat. Creative cuts

I'll check back in before the wedding. Pray for everyone...pray I'll be well. I've been sick.

Conner's Big Day! One Joyful Year!

2008-09-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

One year ago today on September 11, 2007 Conner Steven Harrington came into this world, and 9/11 gained a new significance in our family forever. Today was very emotional for me and for our family. As always happens, my heart became heavy when I remembered what happened in our country...and our area...7 years ago today. But, unlike any other year, that sad feeling was followed by immense gratitude and joy for the birth of little Conner. I thought about the day of his birth, when his whole family waited for his arrival. We were excited and concerned for his well-being and then anxious and prayerful as he was put in the NICU for the first five days of his life. I remember how brave Cameron was as she awaited the C-section and how nervous Christopher was as he waited with her. I remember how excited everyone was and how all of Conner's grandparents and uncles waited to see him. I remember that, when Christopher wheeled him out for us to see, Conner was wrapped in a PINK blanket and I stared at him for a moment...wondering....was he a boy or a girl? We had been told he would be a boy....but the pink blanket threw me a little. And then we saw him, SO precious and perfect...just a little premature....at 8 lbs. and 3 oz!
Precious little Conner, we love you--your Mommy and Daddy, your grandparents and uncles, your aunt Marie, Christine and your almost Aunt Elise and Mrs. Lisa! You are a precious gift from God! Thank You God for Conner!

Getting over the flu....

2008-09-09T06:52:00.000-07:00

Conner's germs are pretty potent! I guess what he had was the flu, because I was sick Thurs-Sun, and we ended up not getting to go to NY. I still have a really bad cough, but I don't feel as miserable as I did for more than 3 days. I was actually in bed under the covers all day Fri and Sat and most of the day Sun. Yesterday we went out shopping for the wedding for a few hours, and I was exhausted last night. But this morning I made myself get up and exercise. This is the second major physical problem I have had in a month. I hope it's not a trend. I spent the last 3 days of our vacation time in bed, too, because of dehydration/dizziness. I'm going to get the flu shot as soon as I can.

Conner's 100% though. He's not having any part of me feeding him except that he still loves his hot cereal, so he puts up with me for about 10 minutes.

I am interviewing to teach a preschool music class for 2 hours three times a week this afternoon. I'm not sure if I'll take it,or if I'll be hired, but I'm hoping it is an opportunity to pull in a little money to help out with our budget. Anyone who is reading this, please offer up a prayer that God's will will be clear in this situation. I don't want to get overscheduled.

Kind of an off day for the Little Man

2008-09-03T14:07:00.000-07:00

Conner is sick today, and all I did was hold him most of the day. He was only able to be consoled if I was rocking him, and even then, he was still miserable. So I didn't get much done, but I got a lot of snuggle time. Snuggle time doesn't burn many calories, though. I think I'm going to start going to Weight Watchers again. I need accountability with faces attached! I'm disappointed, because I was hoping to be a lot closer to my goal by Don's wedding, but I'm not. It only matters to me...Don Sr. tells me I'm more beautiful than ever. I told him I'm thankful for his poor eyesight! :) Don Jr. only has eyes for his sweet Elise, and she will be beautiful at the wedding, no doubt. She's beautiful every day. Well, I have almost a month....a busy month but a month!

I Found a Dress!

2008-09-01T06:13:00.000-07:00

Well, this morning I got my dress! I'm taking a chance ordering it online, but I know that it will be flattering on me, as long as it is what it says it is. I can send it back. I also ordered my shoes, so I'm a little nervous. This whole weekend was about birthdays and the wedding, except for Sunday. We went to church at New Life at the last minute, because we were running late. (I woke up dizzy again...) It turned out to be what we've been calling a "God thing". Our neighbor was preaching, and his lesson was on what works to bring people to repentence. He went through all of the things that didn't work in the OT and new....people only immediately respond to miracles but forget. What works is God's love....He knows us...really knows us and loves us anyway. And that works. His love transforms us. That settled a lot of things for me. Also, we surprised Don and Elise, driving up behind them at church, and Marie, Andrew and Chris were there, my "adopted daughter" and family. Speaking of Marie and Andrew, we went to Andrew's second birthday party Sat. He was so cute....he got a drum set from his uncle, and we all circled up around him as he played it. He actually played it really well, beating the bass drum with his foot and using the drumsticks on the snare drums and cymbals. Then he would stop and wait for us to clap. Conner was sitting in his stroller taking it all in, so as soon as Andrew was ready to play with something else, I put Conner on the stool, and Andrew graciously handed him the drumsticks. Conner loved that.

Yesterday after church Don and I spent the day together....having fun. We ate at Red Robin, and I had a salmon sandwich on grain bread. It was really good. I can't remember what Don had...I was enjoying my salmon sandwich too much. :) After that we saw TRAITOR. That was a really good movie. I usually don't like that type of movie, but I was interested in the fact that it was Steve Martin's creation, and it was about Al Quaida sleeper cells. He evidently did a lot of research on this movie, and it was an accurate portrayal of how the terrorism network operated in our country and others. It wasn't graphically violent, but it was intense and interesting. After that Don and I went to Cub Run Rec center, and I worked out in the pool while Don lifted weights.

I woke up this morning at 6 when son Don was getting ready for work...and I had no dizziness...first day since our trip to the mountains. I started the laundry and washed up some dishes left for me by various sons and visitors who ate at our house last night...and didn't take care of their dishes. Oh well, the clock is ticking....soon I won't have any sons here to clean up after.....nope, still not too sentimental about that. But Sat. I felt it. I'm going to miss my early morning and early evening talks with son Don. I'm going to miss him coming in and making Conner's day by saying, "Hi, BAAABY!" and picking him up. Conner can't smile big enough to express how excited he always is to see Uncle Don come home from work.
But I can't wait for Don and Elise's wedding! They are such a great couple. I'm excited to see them start their life together. And I'm really happy to have another daughter-in-law! Have a happy Labor Day!

Lists and Loved Ones

2008-08-27T16:37:00.000-07:00

Sweet Elise....almost Sweet Elise Harrington!

Sweet Conner Steven Harrington--"Do I look almost 1 year old?"

After Conner left this afternoon, before picking up all of his toys and starting dinner, I did two self-portraits. I looked overwhelmed in both of them.....that's because I am right now. I have so many things coming up that I'm finding too many things crowding my brain. Here's what is in my brain:

Things to get for the wedding: (Items in italics completed or on schedule)a dress
shoes
a cake for the rehearsal dinner N/A
punch for the " " (get my punch bowl back from Chris.)
a card for Don and Elise
a gift for the wedding and one more for the shower
a cake for the ss
fruit for the ss
cook out food for the bachelor camping trip (Chris and Nate did this.
get surprise for " "

For Birthdays:
Get Andrew a gift
Get Conner a gift
Get Nathan a gift
Get Elise a gift

Things I've promised to do:
Bring cake and fruit to the shower
Get groceries for the bachelor party/camping trip (For Don and Nathan)N/A
Set up time for Kristen and Elise to see the stuff at the house for decorations
Attend Andrew's birthday party on Aug. 31st
Make a birthday dinner for Nathan on Sept. 13th
Attend Conner's Birthday party on Sept.14th, armed with camera,film and video camera.
Help with surprise eventPick Ansel up at the airport and drop him off (He can't come... :(
Babysit Conner on the AM of the bachelor partyDecorate the tables for rehearsal dinner
arrive early for rehearsal
Go to NY with Don to see his family (work on sewing project) (sick...didn't go)

Things I need and want to do:
Continue daily God time (not daily)
Pray for others (almost daily)
Exercise
Sign up for my fall art classes
practice sketching
work on paintings I started in the workshop
go to Pennsylvania with Jennie
Clean house from top to bottom
Keep the laundry done (so far--Don helpeed when I was sick)
Get the yard ready for fall.

Summer's End....Here comes September!!!

2008-08-26T15:24:00.000-07:00

This is NOT a universal wedding invitation! :) I just want to share the beautiful job they did on the invitations!

I usually feel a little blue to see summer end, but also have a feeling of expectation when fall arrives. I enjoy all of the seasons, but none is more beautiful to me than fall in Virginia! This year, September should be phenominal in our family! Almost 23 years ago, on September 13th, our youngest son was born, making Friday the 13th a great day for us. Now, September 11th has become a great day for our family, because our little grandson, (nephew, and son, Conner Steven, was born almost a year ago! (I can't believe it!) And this year, we are adding another new member to our family, our sweet new almost daughter-in-law, Elise, who will marry our son Don on Sept. 27th! This is a day our family has been eagerly awaiting for at least a year, and philosophically for over 24 years. I prayed diligently for my future daughters-in-law when my boys were babies and growing up. Cameron is a blessing to our son, Chris, as he is to her, and now Elise will bless Don's life, as I'm sure he will hers. Our September is already completely booked up! The first week, Don's brother Les is going to his 50th high school reunion--YES 50th! We are meeting Don's family in NY state for that weekend.
The following weekend, we celebrate Nate's and Conner's birthdays--Conner's first so it's going to be a huge gathering...Nate's a family event...and another wedding related event! The next week, the boys and Don (hubby) are giving Don a bachelor camping trip up in the Blueridge..... (I will be chillin' at home, panicking in peace, I'm sure...), and I hope to attend another wedding related celebration for someone NOT in my family. The following week, my nephew comes into town for the wedding on Thurs., we have the rehearsal dinner on Friday and the wedding on Saturday!! Sunday the newlyweds will fly to Jamaica for their honeymoon, and Monday we will take Ansel, my nephew, to the airport. AND the first weekend in October is both Christopher's 32nd birthday AND a Ladies Retreat in Lancaster, PA where I am going with Jenny Jackson! So don't expect to see many blogs here for a while! (Or I may be doing a lot of processing here!) It's really an exciting time for our family! I am so thankful for God's blessings!

Long Time no Blog.....

2008-08-25T04:56:00.000-07:00

Don and I had a wonderful couple of weeks on our anniversary and staycation. We didn't stay home, though! We spontaniously decided to take a trip up to the BlueRidge and the Shenandoah and stayed at Skyland, our home away from home about four times a year. We got a beautiful room with a king sized bed overlooking the valley. We really love it up there. I'm really excited about what I was able to do!
Throughout our time raising the boys up until my knees got bad and I got lupus, Don and I used to hike White Oak Canyon trail, usually with a baby in a backpack on me and at least one on Don's shoulders. We would bring sandwiches for lunch, hike down to the waterfalls and back up. Well, in the past several years...more than 10, Don and the boys have had to make that hike without me! Well, Tuesday I told Don I wanted to try that hike. I don't think either of us thought I would make it all the way down to the first falls, because we decided since we had just eaten breakfast and I had had coffee and water that we didn't need to carry water or a snack! Well the trip to the first falls is straight down the mountain, with some pretty steep climbing in places. I did great, and we even played on some rocks and waded in the first waterfall. We actually hiked a bit past the first falls but decided it was too steep for us to go any further. Don decided we would rock "hop" across the stream instead of going back over the bridge like "normal" 50 something year old people would do. I tenatively agreed, SO he threw my tennis shoes across the stream and said, "NOW you're committed!" (He's always trying to help me challenge myself!) SO I was the first into the ice cold stream....and the walking surface choices were....REALLY slimey slippery rocks on which to balance on my very tired knees....and sharp gravel! I started out on the slippery rocks and quickly switched to sharp gravel. Luckily I had my walking stick we found at the trail head! Once we were across and I assured Don that he wouldn't be getting his hands on my shoes again any time soon, I climbed on the rocks looking for a better view of the upper falls from just above it while Don hiked up a horse trail to investigate what ended up being a ranger's truck with an igloo cooler on the back, and a water bottle with a hole in it. Don filled up the water bottle and dranks some and brought some back to me.....told me to get off the rocks and drink some water. As soon as I drank the water we started back up the trail, and I realized my blood sugar was getting low....and the road kept going and going. We were looking around for blackberries but didn't see any, although people were picking them up the road from where we were.
It was over 2 miles back to the top--straight up, and about 3/4 of the way up I just couldn't go on anymore. My knees weren't the problem...my blood sugar had gotten too low and I was really dehydrated. I sat down on a rock and Don was going to run the rest of the way up to get me an apple when we heard a BIG noise in the woods, so he wouldn't leave me...and I didn't want to be left in case a bear thought I looked like an easy meal! So I stumbled the rest of the way up the path, and made it to the car, ate an apple and an oatmeal cookie and drank a bunch of water and started feeling better. That night we listened to a really good singer and had dinner and then watched the Olympics in the lounge, and the next morning I felt great. SO we decided to hike up Hawksbill (Upper Hawksbill) Mountain which is the highest mountain on the drive, but only a 2 mile round trip hike. I was fine going up and coming down, because I had hydrated and eaten before hiking, but I must have gotten more dehydrated than I realized the day before, because when we got in the car after hiking up, climbing on the rocks at the summit and hiking down, I got very dizzy again and also nauseous. Don stopped and got me come candy, but that just made it worse and we had to get out of the mountains, because the curvy roads were making me sick. We had planned to go through Front Royal and have lunch, but we just went home and I managed not to get sick or pass out in the car. By the time we got home I just wanted to lie down, so we went straight home, and I fell down trying to lie down on the couch. Don helped me upstairs and I tried taking a shower--in case I had to go to the ER, and after that I was just so tired, I went to sleep. The next day I couldn't walk without being dizzy, but I was slowly getting better because Don was giving me bananas and potassium salt in water, and by Sat. afternoon, I was back to normal. Saturday afternoon we walked at Meadowlarke and yesterday after church we ate lunch with our son and his fiance and some friends and then went to our friends' TR and Cynthia's house and swam for a long time. I feel completely back to normal, but I'm not going anywhere with out water and maybe diluted Gatorade. I still feel a great sense of accomplishment that I can hike such long and challenging trails again! I'm really thankful, because Don and the boys and I have great memories of hiking in the Blue Ridge. The boys have been backpacking twice a year together since they were in high school. Maybe I'll practice carrying a backpack....at least I'd be sure to have water and a snack! I'll post about the rest of our "staycation" later.

Tags......

2008-08-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

TAGGED BY JAIME: (I'm guessing at the questions...my answers)
1.Do you like being pregnant? I LOVE being pregnant, too. I'm not pregnant either....I would probably be a widow if I was! :)
I really sometimes feel "lonely" knowing I won't ever feel that feeling of having a baby inside, moving etc, and I felt beautiful. (Don always thought I was beautiful pregnant.) I feel affection for pregnant mommies...especially my daughter in law when she was pregnant.
2. Do you have any quirky sleep habits? I sleep with one foot out of the covers, and Don always covers up my foot--I've never told him that I put my foot out on purpose, because I think it's sweet that he takes care of me that way. (He doesn't do blogs.)
3.How do you feel about fake nails? I hate fake nails--they are oppressive to me, and I fight biting my nails. It helps me to put polish on my nails and occasionally get manicures.
4. Do you like fans in the bedroom? We both like fans blowing year round for noise and air circulation.
5. Which do you like best--fruits or vegetables? I love all fruits and veggies, but I can only eat 2-3 fruits a day.
6. Do you write "To Do" lists? I keep lists in my head but recently have had to start writing them down. I also cross off and carry items from the list to the next day, for the same reason.
7. Do you like organizing or cleaning best? I enjoy organizing, and I love the smell of the house on days that I clean, but I try to finish quickly. I'm a fanatic about making the bed and changing the sheets often, so I make the bed the minute we get up. Don just told me the other day how much he likes it that I do that.

Tag: Erin L and Erin G, Lisa G and Lisa J, Jill Y

FROM ERIN G's BLOG

1. What time did you get up this morning? I woke up at 5 AM and got up at 5:30.
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Dark Knight
4. What is your favorite TV show? Dancing with the Stars
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Oatmeal or a boiled egg and E.muffin
6. What is your middle name? Aleecia
7. What food do you dislike? mango
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Michael W. Smith "Rain"
9. What kind of car do you drive? Hondai Elantra Station Wagon and PROUD of it!
10. Favorite sandwich? homemade hamburger
11. What characteristic do you despise? deceitfulness
12. Favorite item of clothing? jeans and a white t shirt
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? France (countryside)
14. What is your favorite way to pass the time of day? Other than spending time with hubby and grandson and our family, oil painting, writing or playing the piano/clarinet, or reading
15. Where would you retire to? Virginia countryside in a homey country house with a little land for a garden and some animals.
16. What was your most memorable birthday? All 33 of the ones since I've been married
17. Furthest place you are sending this? France (to Claire)
18. Person you expect to send it back first? Jaime
19. When is your birthday? Noevember 4
20. Morning person or a night person? Morning person...I am sometimes up at night, but I don't want to be.
21. What is your shoe size? 9
22. Pets? We HAD an adorable toy poodle, Charlie, until a month ago. (He died.) :(
23. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I had a very successful art workshop this past weekend, and Don and I went away to celebrate our 33rd anniversary
24. What did you want to be when you were little? a teacher,a Mommy and a writer
25. How are you today? Happy to be with my grandson today!
26. What is your favorite flower? lilacs
27. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Sept. 27th, our son's wedding
28. What are you listening to right now? Conner eating sweet potato puffs
29. What was the last thing you ate? a chicken pot pie
30. Do you wish on stars? I used to...can't see the stars anymore.
31. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? yellow
32. How is the weather right now? Beautiful, sunny and cool
33. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Don
34. What is your favorite soft drink? Diet Dr. Pepper
35. Favorite restaurant? Pacino's
36. Hair color? blonde with white (without color...white with dirty blonde)
37. What was your favorite toy as a child? my doll
38. Summer or winter? summer
40. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla
41. Do you want your friends to email or blog you back? yes
42. When was the last time you cried? On Saturday
43. What is under your bed? Don's vitamin books on his side nothing on mine...
44. What did you do last night? Watched Olympics and read
45. Are you afraid of Death? No, but I want to be here for my family and see what happens.
46. Salty or sweet? salty
47. How many keys on your key ring? 3
48. How many years at your current job? 33
49. Favorite day of the week? Sunday
50. Do you make friends easily? yes
51. How many people will you send this to? everyone who reads my blog
52. How many will respond? 2-3
53. Do you like finding out all this stuff about your friends? yes

TAG: Jaime S, Erin L and G, Lisa G and J, Jill Y

Eventful Week

2008-08-06T11:38:00.000-07:00

33rd Wedding Anniversary August 9, 2008

After today I am going to post calories/exercise every few days, because I am doing really well, and posting on both Sparkpeople and here takes a lot of time. I did the express Cardio overdrive with the Firm, and that wasn't enough, so I also did the regular workout this morning before Conner got here.
I am feeling so strong now. Also, I forgot to take my meds this morning with breakfast, because Conner was here. I remembered at lunch time, so I took my blood sugar before lunch, and my reading was normal without having taken my blood sugar meds. this morning--and I had two pieces of toast for breakfast! I am making some really important progress now. Thanks to God, because I have been asking Him to help my body function the way it is supposed to. Just last week, AFTER exercising and before eating breakfast, my blood sugar was 100 pts higher than that.

I am also going to do the weight lifting DVD from the Firm and yoga to stretch out. Wed. I have more time to exercise, since I'm mostly finished with my work around here....I just remembered I left the water on in my garden. Well I now have a nicely meandering stream in my backyard, and I'm sure the garden eating critters are just having a ball about now! My neighbor and I were talking today, and I was looking out at the backyard when I noticed the squirrels out there--about 6 of them--going from one plant to the other. Now I know why my plants keep making flowers and growing bigger but are not producing cucumbers, tomatoes and squash! Charlie may have been a little pipsqueak toy poodle, but he kept the squirrels and birds at bay! I'm going to rent my neighbor's cat, Seven--he brings home squirrel tails as trophies. He's the wildest long hair beautiful cat I've ever known! I usually don't
get too mushy about cats, but if they serve a purpose.... (Cats are too aloof--I need constant adoration!) :)

Speaking of constant adoration, have I mentioned how much I adore my grandson? Well, he has a cough that has not impressed his pediatrician much, but it has mommy and grandma concerned. He and I played with the bouncy balls I bought him and the stacky rings, and I got down on the floor with Conner to take pictures. Then I read him one book and he was too sleepy for anymore, so I put him down. He had just fallen asleep when he started coughing and got strangled, so I picked him up and camped out with him on the couch until he fell asleep. Cameron found us both asleep when she got here--I got up at 5:30 again this morning. I don't see him again until Friday, and then we have only two days next week, and he'll be going to the beach with Chris and Cam and two other couples for a week! After that, we are back to school schedule.

This weekend is our 33rd anniversary and also my art workshop, which lasts all weekend....for 2 hours Friday night, for 6 hours Sat. and Sun. In the evenings Sat. and Sun. night, Don and I are going to do things in Old TowneAlex. and DC, like take a ride on one of the riverboats and eat in one of the sidewalk cafes. This is our gift to each other. While I am in class, Don is going to enjoy our hotel, which is really nice, with a pool and a workout room and a two room suite. The class is on Developing an Idea, and I am supposed to bring all of the media I have. I am bringing oil, acrylic, pencils, charcoal and ink....as well as canvas, a sketchpad and canvas sheets. I only have to buy ink. I am also supposed to come with ideas of things I would like to accomplish with my art. I am bringing a few of my children's book ideas and some poems. I feel like I'm really making progress with this part of my life, too. I haven't decided what classes I am going to take in the fall, but I plan to take 2. I'll post my calories later. So far I've burned 864 and eaten 1300 and something.

For our vacation this year, Don and I are staying home and pretending to be tourists, and do the stuff we usually don't have time to do. I hope you all are enjoying your summer, too.

Things are changing....

2008-08-05T15:11:00.000-07:00

I'm finally starting to see some progress in my muscle strength and my weight loss. Don noticed that my legs are looking better, and I've noticed that my knees are definitely functioning better. Yesterday I didn't get online and figure out calories, but I did eat healthily and exercised in the pool at Bull Run Park. I tried to sign online, but after about 5 tries, I gave up. I finally had to unplug everything and restart. At that point, I just didn't care anymore.

I'm also seeing progress in my attitude. I'm reading a tidbit of scripture and devotional from the Lose it For Life materials with Don every morning. I have been asking God to be in control of my appetite, my health and my energy. I have seen and felt a change in my perseverance.

Thurs. Son Don is getting the apartment he and Elise will be living in after they are married. He said he'll probably just move in their stuff and stay here....he said it would be weird sleeping there when everyone is here and Elise is still at her parents' house. I'm going to miss Don. He always comes in and talks to me and seems to enjoy it. I know I do. Conner really will miss him.

Tonight Don Sr. hollered up at me, "Jerri, I'm going to walk Charlie!" I almost answered, "Okay!" Then I remembered Charlie isn't here anymore. I went out and took a walk with Don, and he didn't even have to wait for me to sniff the trees etc.
:)

We will be married 33 years on Sat. It's been a great 33 years, too! God knew what he was doing when he gave Don and me to each other. We may not be perfect (by any definition of the word), but we're perfect for each other! :)

Oh, by the way, Don loved the 8 by 10 of him and Conner. I framed it and put it on the piano to surprise him.

Great Day

2008-08-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

Do you think this will be a good 8 by 10?

It was a really good worship service this morning. I was ready to worship....sometimes going to worship is like finding an oasis in the middle of a desert! We sang some really great songs, Abbie Mills was baptized, and Bruce preached a really great sermon about Paul's conversion. It was encouraging to me to consider how Paul, when he was Saul, persecuted the church (and Christ) and how God's plan was carried out in his life. I want God's plan for me to be carried out in my life. I need to learn how to just give myself over to His plan....I'm always striving. I need to be still and wait for Him. I'm not good at waiting. He's always faithful to me, though.

Don and I went to see The Dark Knight--we were peer pressured into it by Bruce. :) Actually, Don has been wanting to see it, and I've been promising to go see it with him. Afterall, he saw Mama Mia with me last week! :) It was pretty well done, if you like action packed, bloody movies with lots of really ugly bad guys. When I got tired of the non stop action, I got up and got myself a cup of coffee. The coffee was really good! :)

Today I went to Walmart and bought Little Man two bouncy balls and a stacky toy. He really loved the bouncy balls at VBS last week. I can't wait until Wed. when I get to play with him again. I also copied some prints to send to my mom. He's growing up so fast! I got a really nice picture of Conner and Don made into an 8 by 10. We need to get a good one with me....I'm always taking the pictures. He won't remember what Grandma looks like when he gets older if something happens to me!

Tired with a Headache

2008-08-02T10:25:00.000-07:00

I was too tired to go online last night after we got home at 10 PM from going out with our friends for dinner and a movie. I did well with my eating out...I just ate part of a crab cake, some mashed potatoes, about a quarter cup of corn, some broccoli and a lot of cooked carrots....no dessert and no popcorn at the movies. The bad thing was I also didn't have time to exercise yesterday at all. My friend Christine came over for lunch and stayed until Cameron picked up Conner....who was sick with a runny nose. I had just enough time to pick up and then meet our friends and Don for dinner. Since I didn't exercise, I was relieved not to be tempted to eat a lot for dinner or tempted by popcorn.

This morning I caught up on sleep for the week. I haven't slept my eight hours all week. Now my head is hurting. Go figure...my body isn't used to me getting my sleep. Today I'm giving myself some time to paint and recharge my batteries. I am going to either go to the Cub Run pool and swim or go to my friend Cynthia's house and get in the pool. I haven't gotten in the pool all summer. I've been walking and doing other exercise. I miss it, and my joints are hurting, so I think a day in the water would help.

Last night we saw Swing Vote. I am surprised it was such a thoughtful movie. I think our two party system has become such a hypocritical bunch of hot air! I don't think a person who wants to run for any political office stands for anything at all when he or she hides behind a party platform and neglects to speak any of his or own truths. I am never again going to vote for a man or woman based on his or her political party. I don't know how many politicians I have heard invoke the name of JFK, Roosevelt or Lincoln. At a time in our nation's history when we need great leaders like they were, we have men who need political parties and advisors to tell them what they believe. That's why I liked Hillary Clinton. I didn't agree with her about everything she believed, but she wasn't afraid to speak up for the poor people in our country...who are getting poorer. I'm not sure if either of the other candidates care at all about what is becoming the larger part of our population. Okay, so I am cynical about politics....but not about the what God can do.

Another busy...but fun...day

2008-07-31T19:11:00.001-07:00

Well, today was the last day of VBS, and so I'm done with my week of baby holding...except for Conner of course. It was a lot of fun to see people I know from other churches and from Stepping Stones. I wanted to go back tonight, but we had to get our adjustment at our chiropractor's, and I needed to be popped back into place for sure after all of that baby holding.

I did a lot of work around the house that I haven't had time for this past week today, and I finished up my laundry. I was planning to walk to Starbucks to meet my friend Cynthia, but it was too hot to walk, so housework has to count as my exercise today. I plan on walking in the morning and doing another session with my Firm DVDs.
I'm weighing tomorrow too, so I'll let you know how I do. Thanks for all of the encouragement. I really appreciate the emails and accountability!

It's probably a vulture.....

2008-07-30T19:53:00.000-07:00

I'm not in a great mood tonight. I get anxious when Don starts believing business opportunity letters we get in the mail. Since he doesn't go online, he doesn't see the dozens of those kinds of emails I delete every day. Don, most of the time, believes that if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck and promises lots of ducks, it's a duck. I believe if it looks like a duck.....it's probably a vulture. We're a good mix, but getting to common ground about these things takes work. The good quality that makes Don believe letters like that is that he also believes things like someday I'll be a successful writer and he can retire and be my manager.
:)

VBS is winding down. Conner came with me today, and he was hilarious! He hasn't been around babies very much, and he thought he needed to taste a few of them. He hasn't been around toddlers pushing things with wheels on them, and Conner loves to spin wheels. I ran a lot of interference. He also had never seen me holding a lot of babies, while Conner is on the floor, NOT being held. He did not like that at all. But he got over it. It was lots of fun, and we both came home and had a nap!
I am a grandmother, after all.

We're all getting excited about the wedding now....especially Don and Elise. I can't wait to have Elise in our family. It's been so fun watching Don and Elise kind of grow up together. They started dating their junior year of high school and both of them were each other's first serious boy/girl friend. They have both matured and brought out the best in each other in every way. I'm excited about them starting their life together in Sept. and about having Elise in our family!

In my devotional time this morning, I was focusing on letting God heal the things in me that need healing. I find myself trying to do things "for God"....instead of just letting Him work on me. I know I have the responsibility to obey God, study, pray etc., but the real changes come from the Holy Spirit renewing my mind daily and filling me with the fruits of the Spirit...so that I can never boast.

Busy Day

2008-07-29T16:44:00.000-07:00

This morning I walked and ended up getting two phone calls while I was rushing to get ready for VBS on time. Tomorrow I'm going out earlier.

Lately I've been thinking about what it is that I treasure, since Jesus said where our treasure is there our heart will be also. I've decided to make sure that I live my days to show what it is I truly treasure in this life. If I treasure my life here on this earth, I won't be building up treasures in Heaven. So, although it's important to keep track of what I'm eating and exercise every day, it isn't okay to turn my weight loss efforts into the center of my "free time". I need to focus on letting the Holy Spirit transform my thinking about weight/food issues. I have noticed that when I'm doing well with my program, I usually don't think about food/dieting/weight as much, but when I'm not doing what I know I should be doing, I think about it all of the time. That tells me that there is a spiritual aspect to my weight loss efforts--actually everything we do is spiritual.

Well, I'm cutting this short, because I am REALLY tired. Holding multiple babies all morning at VBS wore out this Grandma. Tomorrow I get to take Little Man with me.

If It Walks Like a Duck Part 2

2008-07-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

Same ducks, same birds, same bunnies,same squirrels, same dead bat on the sidewalk (ugh!), same sweet Hispanic woman going to her bustop, same old Indian man taking his morning walk and rotating his shoulders, same middle aged lady walking her two really old dogs....same four miles, but faster today! Yay! More later...have to go to VBS. Sorry for all of the sentence fragments.

If it walks like a duck....

2008-07-27T05:44:00.000-07:00

This morning I got up at 6, since it's the Lord's day, and went out to walk my four miles. I saw 2 bunnies, several doves, some robins a number of sparrows, two squirrels and two fat white ducks. The ducks were the same ones who started following me in V formation one day when Don and I walked by. I guess I must not be waddling as much as I was right after my knee replacement...and I must smell better (that day I had sat on under a tree that had been mulched and fertilized), because they paid no attention to me! I also met a lot of happy moring people who jogged by me or met me walking. One man walked by me with an attitude, so I said, "Good morning!" to him...at the same time he said, "Good morning!" So he must not have heard me, because he said again loudly, "GOOD MORNING!" I said, "GOOD MORNING!" back. Boy! Anyway, I did the four miles and have eaten 230 calories so far...I'll be back later.

Checking in....

2008-07-26T14:51:00.000-07:00

I started off my day by walking four miles. It was deceptively cool, because there was a breeze this morning. I got about 2 miles from home and started back, and realized I was really starting to get dehydrated, but I was on a schedule, so I just walked home instead of doing the sensible thing and stopping for water. When I got home all of my boys were meeting to play basketball, and Chris was coming to drop off Little Man. They got me water and saved my life. Well, that wore me out, and then Conner and I hung out for a while while the boys played basketball. Don got home while the boys were taking showers and we hung out with Conner, and then I took my shower and we took a nap. That has been my whole day so far. I made myself a yogurt and frozen peaches smoothie and had a cup of cottage cheese and a piece of chicken all day. Now we are getting ready to eat out somewhere and see a movie. I'm writing this part of my blog now to hold myself accountable for what I do while we are out. My plan is a salad at Applebees and no popcorn. Let's see if I do that.

I ate a salad at Applebees, we skipped the movie, Don ate homemade popcorn, but I had water! :)

Recommitted

2008-07-25T08:01:00.001-07:00

One of the things I would like to ask God when I go to Heaven, if it even matters to me once I see Him face to face, is if, when I pray for answers and one occurs to me, if that is God telling my heart the answer. I happen to believe that is true, but I'm so afraid of writing my own answers in my heart, that I question everything. When I question Him and the same answer pops in my heart, then I take that to be God answering my prayer.

That happened to me yesterday when I was praying. I haven't been working on myself lately. Nathan moved back home for a month, because the union hasn't had any jobs lately, due to the bad economy, so I've been helping him do the job search thing, encouraging him and spending more time with him and Don (Jr.) lately. Of course, I don't pay as much attention to my own needs, and I use that as an excuse not to sleep as much and not to eat right and not exercise. And, of course, my blood sugar has gone up. As an alarming side bar, Don's coworker's wife, who is about my age, died in her sleep night before last. So Don is more concerned than he should be about me, because I've been irresponsible about my own health. So I'm not taking good care of my husband either. I was praying and asking for forgiveness as well as strenghth and focus yesterday, when the answer in my heart was: You take care of everyone else except yourself. You're the one you should be worried about! Well, as true as that was, I questioned whether it was God's "voice" in my heart or my own, or perhaps my mom's. Then this morning when I asked God to help me, that admonition came into my heart again. So I got up at 6 this morning and went out for my three mile walk. I made myself an egg white omlet with veggies for breakfast and recommitted myself to Spark people, which really helps me. Again, I am posting my calories and exercise minutes here, so if you'd like to encourage me, I appreciate it. Also, I am posting the picture above for my second "before" picture. On the 25th of every month I am going to post a picture with me and Little Man for you to compare. Hopefully, he will get bigger and I will get smaller. Pray for me friends. My life here on earth depends on my sanity, strength and discipline in this area. The self control will come from the Holy Spirit, I am certain. Thank you in advance for your prayers, admonition, and encouragement!

10 months of JOY--Thank You, God, for Conner!

2008-07-11T23:39:00.000-07:00

Whatcha doin' Uncle Steve?

What's up, Uncle Don?

Smile, Grandad!

I love my Grandad!

I love my Ernie, too!

Where is Uncle Nathan, Grandma?
Today our precious Little Man Conner is 10 months old--well, technically it was yesterday, but I'm STILL up! He is a little sweetheart with A MIND OF HIS OWN! Today he took the spoon from me as I was feeding him breakfast. I let him feed himself that bite, but I wouldn't relinquish the bowl. Conner hollered at me for a minute until he realized I wasn't impressed, and then he smiled at me with his little baby cereal face. I took off his shirt, reloaded his spoon and let him feed himself another bite....when I took back the spoon to load it again....he hollered at me...Grandma was STILL unimpressed....we played that game until he was done with breakfast. Another cute thing he did. Cameron was waving bye bye and saying, "I love you!!!" to Little Man, and I was waving and saying, "Bye!Bye! Mommy!" Then Conner looked at his hand and waved bye bye to himself....with a really intent look on his face! Baby Genius, our Little Man! Happy Birthday to everyone's special boy!

That which I do not want to do I find myself doing...

2008-07-10T07:10:00.001-07:00

Okay...now about my promise to get back on track....I did REALLY well at Camp WAMAVA. Not only was I up and down the hills every day, I worked out in the pool AND I did not eat even one thing from the cantine all week long. I brought Kashi granola bars with me to camp, and I had one every day at cantine time. I did drink diet sodas, and we all went to Jalisco's for Mexican food on Thurs. afternoon. I didn't have dessert there either. My weight was down and my muscles were up when I got home!

BUT...I haven't done well since I've been back. I could make excuses about being sick, having to put Charlie to sleep, catching up on laundry, the moon being in the wrong phase for weight loss, but....I know, "that which I do not want to do, I find myself doing and that that I want to do I do not do".....(Romans 7, which Bruce talked about in class last night.) Wretched woman that I am, who is going to set me free from this body of sin and death? Well, Jesus will, but it may be at my own demise if this continues. My morning blood sugars are back to being ridiculous! So, beginning tomorrow (I already ate a chicken pot pie with my neighbor, Lisa, at a
French bakery today, after I took her to a doctor's appt.)--beginning, tomorrow! (for sure!) I am writing down my calories and exercise for all 2 or 3 of you who keep up with my blog! (I may have lost you guys due to inconsistent posting....)
I spent too much money buying The Firm, not to use it, and I have a wedding coming up in the next couple of months. No one will be looking at the mother of the groom--except the father of the groom, but he counts! Most important, I want to be here as long as I can be. Pray for me to straighten up and "do what I would do"....because I agree that the the law of (calories in/calories out) is GOOD!

Goodbye to an Old Good Friend

2008-07-07T09:10:00.001-07:00

Today I guess is the day I've been dreading for a couple of months. Don just left to take Charlie to the vet to put him to sleep. I'm glad it didn't happen while I was gone, because Don is upset, and I can be here for him. We thought Charlie's sores were healing, but they just spread and his other eye is going blind now. If it happened as quickly as the first one, he would have been completely blind in a matter of days. The decision making moment was last night. Don thought his face was healing, and then he touched his neck and it started bleeding. He is obviously in pain, and he keeps following me all over the house looking at me, his eyes pleading with me to do something. I didn't want to watch them put Charlie to sleep, but I wanted to go to the vet with Don so he didn't have to be alone, but he said he could do it on his own. I'm sure me being upset wouldn't make it easier for Don. I still feel like I should have been there....I always want to be there for the hard stuff, but only if I make things better.

We've been through a lot, Charlie and our family. He has been such a great dog. Everyone who comes to our house has commented on Charlie's personality, especially our sons' friends. Charlie just fit. I'm not sure if any other dog would do.
When I was recovering from knee surgery both times, Charlie just curled up next to me without ever even trying to get into my lap. He also loved for me to scratch him behind the ears, and would run up to me and put his head down for me to do that for him. He also used to get out once in a while and run up to children and wait for them to go crazy over him. Once he followed some little girls home and we thought we had lost him for good. His family had bought him a new leash, a collar, had done their own vaccinations and then they saw one of our flyers posted and called us on Christmas Eve. They returned him, and the little girls cried and cried. We would have probably just given him to them, except our kids were so happy to have him back, even though they were all teens and older. Once he got out of the backyard and was gone for over a month again, and we found out another family had taken him in and named him "Angel" in Spanish. That time, I prayed that he would come home on Nathan's birthday to prove to Nathan that God answers prayer. Charlie barked at the back door at 11:30PM on Nathan's birthday! Isn't that great? Anyway, I don't feel like writing about anything else. I hope dogs go to Heaven.

Mixed Emotions--and metaphors

2008-06-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

Sunday was a day to remember. First, during worship, the church said "Goodbye" to Grace and Roland Sundling, two of our favorite people, and good friends to Don and me. They are the last of our small group to pull up stakes and leave. Don and I are going to miss them, as I'm sure a lot of people will.

My neighbor Lisa invited me to a Ladies' Night Out last night, and I actually went and had a great time. I got to drive Lisa's mom there and lead a discussion group, and I felt very welcomed by all of the women. It was a lot of fun, too. They seem like a cohesive group, and they didn't question me leading a discussion group, even though I don't go to church with them.

I don't feel very good about Roland and Grace moving. I'm happy for them but bummed for us. So many really good people have moved on from here, which was the also the sad thing about raising my kids on a military base....their friends and ours were always moving away. My Bible study has been from the scriptures from the Purpose Driven Life...and I am doing the 40 days study. I have a reputation among my family members of wanting to move to every vacation spot we visit. I have started to understand why....this world is not my home. There is always going to be somewhere better than where we are living , because we have Heaven built in to our souls. I'm saying that for me, not Roland and Grace. They have pretty good reasons for moving.
I don't. My kids are here, we have a church family is here, my best friend lives next door, and my baby grandson comes to my house most days. Life is good. Still, this world is not my home.

I'm going to Camp WAMAVA on Saturday, and I'm finally looking forward to it now that I planned my lesson. I love teaching. That's built into my soul, too, so it must be one of my gifts. I never went to any camp as a kid, so camp is fun for me, too. I'll probably be going there until they have to haul me up and down the hills...which almost happened a few years ago. I always come back renewed. I haven't volunteered yet for anything during VBS, but I think I'm doing the nursery.
At least that's where my mind is headed right now.

At the moment I am going to a gallery opening for my art instructor. Don was going with me and sacrifice sleep--and probably drag me away kicking and screaming at 8, so I got the bright idea of asking my neighbor Lisa to go and celebrate her birthday, which was overlooked, because her mom was in town. Don bowed out more than gracefully, and I think I heard him muttering something about a nap, fast food and Frisbee golf. Lisa took me up on it enthusiastically, so we're going to have fun. I'm taking her out for supper afterwards. The next two weeks both of us are busy with Camp and her visit to her moms', so it's good we can kill two birds with one stone. (We seriously need to get some more relevant metaphors....we can say something like.....oh, I'll think about it at camp. Lots of time out there to think...and pray. I love it.)

Catching up

2008-06-19T20:37:00.001-07:00

I'm still keeping track of calories and exercise...just having a hard time posting now that Don's schedule has changed. I may have to post in the mornings instead of at night. Let's see...since last Tues. this is how I did:Tue 1248 cal 2 hours gardening Wed 1629 cal-5 and a half hours gardening Today 1994 calories no exercise ordinary housework. (I was tired today after all of that work I did the past two days. I burned more calories than I ate just gardening yesterday.)

I'm on day 5 of the Purpose Driven Life. I am writing down all of the scriptures, responding to them and reflecting on my life, and praying through all of the scriptures and insights. Several things I have realized: My feelings about myself and my relationships have improved so much since the last time I began this study!
I am much less of a people pleaser than I used to be. And God really does get us through everything that would have stopped us dead in our tracks if we didn't have Him! Also,Don and I really have everything we could possibly want here in our homey little townhouse with each other-- and our boys living near us. God knew what I would need to find joy in this life and seek Him, too. He has loved me and planned for me since before I was conceived, and I am grateful for my life past, present and eternal future!

Exciting Things on the horizon!

2008-06-17T21:38:00.000-07:00

This picture is of my nephew, Ansel, last summer when we took him to the Inner Harbor and aquarium when he visited us. He just left for a summer camp in Minnesota, and I'm praying that he will get a lot out of it. He is going to be learning some skills to help him through life. I am praying that he will learn everything there is for him to learn there....and has fun.

Today was my first day off without Little Man. He and the rest of the family got together for Father's day, and Conner started crawling this weekend. Chris and Cam are in a rush to baby-proof now. I have a couple of weeks to do that.

I planted my gardens this weekend, and I loved working outside. I have been getting a lot of exercise carrying big bags of garden soil etc. Right after I finished the first round of planting, I spotted the same ground hog in my backyard that was challenging my neighbor's cat one day. And then I noticed he had nibbled away my canteloupe plant! UGH! I'm going to catch me a ground hog!!!

Today I booked the restaraunt for Don and Elise's rehearsal dinner!! We are getting so excited! Hey, I need to go to bed. It's WAY passed my new bedtime!

Happy Father's Day

2008-06-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

The first picture is of my dad, who I miss very much, especially on Father's Day, because he WAS Father's Day for me for many years. Happy Father's Day, Dad.

The second picture is of my husband, who I love and deeply respect for the man he is and for the father he became to our four sons. He has devoted his adult life to serving his family by supporting us physically, spiritually and emotionally.
Happy Father's Day, Honey.

The next picture is of our first born, Christopher, when he was six months old, followed by a picture of HIS son at 7 months old--see the resemblance? The last picture is of Chris and Cameron and just born Conner, who made Chris a daddy, (Cam a mommy) and Chris a daddy! We are really proud of the father he is being to his son and our grandson! Happy Father's Day, Chris!

I am thankful for all of the men in my life! :) (Pictures of the other three will be posted soon....uncles Steve, Don and Nathan)

My Purpose

2008-06-12T19:03:00.000-07:00

God planned for me before I was ever conceived! That realization blows my mind!ICorinthians 2:7 says, "We speak of God's wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began." Psalm 139 says, "All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before even one of them came to be." God knew that I would be where I am now, before I was ever born. Why do I ever fear? And why don't I ask Him before I act more often? It is easy to fall into the pattern of the world, and look inside ourselves for all of the answers. But God has always had a plan for our lives, based on His wisdom--a plan that will not only bring Him glory, but His plan brings us glory. We all run after things that won't last longer than the momentary desire for them, when real value is found in living a life, based on God's true wisdom. He knows what it takes for us to live abundant lives, and Jesus Himself said He came so that we might have life and have it abundantly. Abundant life is built into our hearts as something we all strive to have. But the only provider of the abundant life is Christ Himself.

I have decided to do the 40 days of the Purpose Driven Life, because I am changing gears in my life, and I want to make some life decisions. Seeking God's will for the rest of my life is my first step. Don and I were going to do it together a few years ago, but we didn't get past day 1 because we tried to do it at bedtime--that never works for us. For some reason we can read seperate books at bedtime, but getting together on one book doesn't work for us. Anyway, I started my 40 days today. I will share with you a little from each day.

Today I came away thinking about the family God placed me into when he knit me together in my mother's womb. What does He plan to do with the strengths and weaknesses that are part of my heritage from my family? What has he already done?
I don't question my heritage anymore. I am grateful my mother gave me an inate appreciation for art and music. I'm glad they taught me to laugh at myself. I appreciate my father teaching me about honesty and hard work. I'm glad he gave me a love and loyalty to my country and an appreciation for my right to vote. I love to sing in the car and used to do it with my dad when I was a girl. I did it with my boys and now I do it with my grandson. He's already singing with me and he's only 9 months old. Will he sing like that with his grandson? The older I get the more important my roots are to me. And, instead of wishing for more, I am so thankful for what I had and still have. I am a blessed woman!

EARLY to bed.....

2008-06-10T17:20:00.000-07:00

This going to bed early thing is killing me! As we speak I am about to go to bed at daylight!!! I told Don I feel like a 5 year old. Lucky for him, he didn't say I was acting like one! :) Well, I guess it's worth going to bed early to have my hubby here to sleep with, instead of off working a night shift--I KNOW it is! Goodnight,friends, Goodnight moon.....Goodnight SUN! :)

It's a matter of perspective

2008-06-05T18:26:00.000-07:00

Oprah had some great people on this week who really inspired me:

These people all have the same thing in common. They lost a LOT of weight without surgery or pills in about 18 months. If they can do it, I can lose what I have to lose which won't be as much, in less time if I put my mind to it. All of them seemed really humble and thankful. Still it was the same formula...eat less and eventually they exercised. I have exercised for years, but I really have to get the right combination of low calories and exercise to lose. I'm thinking because they had so much to lose, their bodies burned a lot of calories without exercising. Regardless, the thing that impressed me was their perserverance and their ability to have the vision in spite of the obstacles and the amount of weight they had to lose. They are truly courageous!

Challenging Day

2008-06-04T18:51:00.000-07:00

Well, this has been an interesting day!! I knew we were going to have bad storms--it felt just like a spring day in the Texas panhandle this morning as I went out for my walk. I was really glad I got it done before Conner got to my house and before the storms hit! When the tornado warning was announced on TV, Don and I were playing with Conner. We took him downstairs and put him in his carseat in the bathroom and kept an eye on the situation. It was one of the worst storms I've ever seen in this area.

So far so good with the new committment with weight loss/exercise. Yesterday I got a blister on my heel, so I wasn't sure if I could walk today, but I bought some bandages made for blisters, and they worked great. I only had time to walk 4 miles, and I intended to do the other mile tonight, but since it was stormy, I had to be happy with 4. Tomorrow I may have to do 3, because Chris drops Conner off earlier. I'll probably walk all seven days this week to make up the mileage. (I'm trying to meet a personal challenge.)

Early to Bed and Early to Rise!

2008-06-03T17:22:00.000-07:00

I took Conner out in his neighborhood this morning, in the jogging stroller. We went up and down a lot of big hills, and Grandma got a big workout. It was great.
Conner played with his sippy cup and sang songs for me while we walked. A lot of the area is in the country, so it was a beautiful walk.

Don was in bed by 7:30, and then I got him up, because I heard there was a tornado warning in Fairfax Cty. Now I'm a little too awake to go to sleep, but I'm going to bed to read. I'm hoping to get up with Don at 4:30 and go walk at 5. I hope we become healthy, wealthy and wise! (But then I won't be A Wife of Noble Character--whose candle does not go out at night!) Good night!

2008-06-02T17:13:00.001-07:00

Today I was supposed to spend the day with my friend, Jennie, but she got sick so we couldn't get together, so I spent the day doing whatever I wanted since I didn't have Conner. I have a whole lot of baby plants that I need to put out in my backyard, that I grew from seed, but I didn't do that. I did some writing and I did some reading, and I watched inspiring weight loss stories on Oprah, I rested and then I walked 5 miles again....19 minute miles. Now I'm recovering and I'm going to do some serious stretching, because my joints are really hurting.

Tomorrow I have Little Man again, and Jennie is coming over in the evening. We are going to try out Cub Run pool, and I'm going to show Jennie some water aerobics moves. Don has to be at work at 6, so he's going to bed now. I guess it's bedtime!
(I guess I'll be walking early tomorrow!) "_

Regrouping

2008-06-01T19:15:00.000-07:00

(This is an old picture of me at my current weight....it should be a good measuring stick for my future progress.)

We had such a memorable worship service today--it inspired me like I really needed to be inspired! It was Missions Sunday, and I really hope that we met our giving goals. I am convinced that a lot of my personal goals go along with giving more and taking less. The Holy Spirit was evident today especially during worship--in the singing, in the message, and in the fellowship. I'm anxious to see how the giving was.

Along the lines with giving, I am recommitting myself to daily blogging and including my weight loss efforts. Todays was a great day that way. I did participate in the fasting/praying during the weekend. Today my calories are way down, because of part of that fasting. And I walked briskly for five miles today at Bull Run Park while Don played disk golf. I am committing myself to walking four miles per day six days a week. I also ordered the Firm DVD's which incoporate strength training and aerobics in a less than one hour DVD. I have suggested to Don that he use the gym at his work and we give up our Lifetime membership to save money, but he's hesitant because the pool helps me when I have lupus. I figure I can go to Cub Run, and I have been pretty healthy lately. Walking really helps my diabetes, but my joints hurt a lot after I walk, so the jury's still out on the gym membership. Still I have committed myself to walking and following the diabetes cure program in a book I bought a few months ago. It's the only thing I have found that works for my blood sugar. My goal is to get off of all my medications for diabetes and blood pressure by fall. I still have the goal of losing 100 lbs. this year. I'm a little behind, but I can still do it with God's strength...and His strength alone. Mine is puny without Him. (non-existant, more accurately) Finally, I am posting a picture of me month to month to show my progress....I won't scare you with my actual weight, but I'll let you know how much I lose every 1st of the month.
I gained a little in May, and I've lost it. So I didn't lose any in May.

Expanding Family

2008-05-28T08:53:00.000-07:00

We are all getting excited about Don and Elise's upcoming wedding on Sept. 27th. Elise graduated from George Mason University last week. I thought this was a beautiful picture of her. I'm excited about having another smart woman in our family! (No, I'm not the other smart woman--daughter in law, Cameron, got her Masters' degree in August)

Cameron took this picture of Little Man and gave it to me. I interpret his expression as "That's amazing!" He will be 9 months old on June 11th. Grandma and Conner have had 9 months of joyful days together! I'm really enjoying having him for my grandson. He thinks everything I do is funny! Who wouldn't love that? :)

God is helping me!

2008-05-15T21:01:00.000-07:00

I was able to fast today, and I don't mind mentioning it, because, although I asked God to help me with my fast, I am not doing it for completely spiritual reasons. Since I began this year that I've dedicated to losing 100 lbs., I have studied a really good book on fasting, God's Chosen Fast. It was given to me by good friends who lived on Andrews AFB when we were stationed on Bolling. I've noticed that book several times over the years, and, even though I have fasted, I never read the book until this year. According to the author and the scriptures, there are many reasons for fasting: health reasons (it is really very good for your health and healing, to draw closer to God, to petition God, as a group a fast for deliverance for a nation, a church, a people etc., for revelation, for personal sanctity, to change God's mind, and to buffet the body. This time I am doing it for health reasons and to buffet my body--because I've been doing the bad kind of buffetting.

Conner is feeling a little better today, but he didn't sleep much all day long. I'm used to him taking a long morning nap and a short afternoon nap. I took care of him a little longer today, because Cam picked him up instead of me driving him home. He got sleepy right before she got home! I still got a lot done, in between picking Conner up and putting him back on his quilt where his toys are, putting him in and out of his bouncy chair, rocking him, trying him in his crib, where all he did was play with his feet and hands and throwing his pacifier out of his crib! I think I burned a lot of calories taking care of Little Man today. While I was carrying him upstairs, he decided to turn upside down so that he could see the light in the foyer as we walked up the stairs! Luckily I had a good hold on him, but I don't think I can carry anything else up the stairs when I am carrying Conner.

My future daughter in law, Elise, graduated formally today. She actually graduated in January, but her ceremony was today. Don took off work to go to her graduation.
She has a history degree and will eventually teach high school history, I think. Right now she is working as an accountant.

Hubby Don's twin brother, Ron, and his family are coming through tomorrow night. Chris, our oldest, is playing in a concert at Bull Run Park, and then everyone is coming to our house for Mexican food, that I am preparing.I am looking forward to getting together with my family, because we were away on Mother's Day, and we haven't all been together in a long time.

I'll be blogging daily from now on....as I work on losing the other 78 lbs. that I am determined to lose this year. Thanks for your prayers.

Coming Clean

2008-05-14T22:30:00.001-07:00

I have been blowing my diet for weeks, and I don't seem to be able to stop myself. I
spent a long time tonight asking God to help me, and I feel much calmer about it now.
So I am going to fast for a couple of days, because that helps me get things in the right perspective and begin my food program all over again on Sat. morning.

God is so much better able to handle all of the things that I am worried about than I am, including my food issues. Don and I went away for the weekend, and we had so much fun. Sunday we went to church in Hendersonville, NC, and we enjoyed the worship service, but I missed my boys. After that we went to the North Carolina Arboretum and walked for several miles. Also, before church I worked out in the hotel pool. But I ate badly all day....and all day Monday...and all day Tuesday....and all day today. It's like I'm blowing my diet just to blow it. So I'm mad at myself, and that's not a good thing either. I'm being honest, because
this is a vicious cycle that can go on for months if I let it. And I made a committment to lose 100 lbs. this year. I can still do it....God and I can still do it...if I don't waste anymore time. Pray for me, if you're reading this. I'm feeling despair over the fact that I'm losing my focus.

On the positive side, I've been doing a great job with my house, Conner, and I've been writing and painting. I'm writing devotionals and Bible studies while I'm working on a big project. I'm really trying to write for a living, and I'm learning great things through all of the resources I got at the Christian Writer's conference.

Little Man has a cold, and we aren't liking that! He's not been sick yet. I spent a lot of the morning suctioning out his nose. I forgot how much babies hate that. He kept batting my hand away and giving me his scrunchy face. He's still moving all over the place and playing with his toys, his feet, his hands and my face! :) So I guess he's not too sick.

Pray for my brother, who has been sick, my neighbor Barbara, who has an impossible situation, and my son Nathan, who is working on some hard issues in his life...he is doing well, though. I'll let you know how the fasting and the new committment goes. Feel free to ask.

My Baby Brother....and Switching gears

2008-05-05T19:25:00.000-07:00

My brother, Greg, sent me some great pictures of him and his wife Denise and my nephew Ansel. They live in Colorado in a really great area. I think they are at a meeting for Democrats here...they are delegates for the Democratic party in Colorado.
I love my brother's smile. He looks a lot like my dad did when he was younger...and my son Don looks a lot like Greg did when he was younger. People say we look alike, too, and I agree somewhat. (Poor guy!) :) Ansel looks a lot like Greg, too, but I can also see his mom in him.

Don is taking me to Asheville, North Carolina for a short little weekend away for Mother's Day. We have been thinking of retiring there someday, so we decided to go down and check out housing prices and other things about the area. Don traveled there with the AF, and he tells me that if we visit there, I will want to move there. I'm not so sure. I think it would take a really special place to make me want to move away from Little Man. Speaking of Conner, he will be 8 months old on May 11. It's hard to believe. He is rolling all over the place and sitting up to play...still a little wobbly. He will be pulling up and crawling soon I think. Then I'll really be busy.

Our weekend was wonderful. Defining Moments was the best ever because of the stories that were shared and the diversity of the performances. I feel very lucky to be part of a church that allows its members to use their talents to serve God in such creative ways. There were lots of visitors there, and I only heard positive comments from all of them. Our neighbor came and really enjoyed it...Don and I considered that a real compliment because he is the Creative minister at New Life Christian church. He said it was very inspiring. We were encouraged to see him there--Lisa, his wife was in Louisville at her neice's graduation. Our friend Christine was there too. She said it was uplifting to her as well.

NOW...back to my diet. Ugh! I have been doing awesome...until this weekend. I ate badly Sat. night after Defining Moments, because I didn't eat lunch--I was at the ER all afternoon. (I thought I had blood poisoning from having an infected foot. I didn't, but they gave me a strong antibiotic. I'm doing better.) Yesterday I did pretty well, but today I did awful....because Don worked late and I didn't really eat dinner, so I just snacked. The main thing is that I need to get back to taking care of myself. I've been dealing with some pretty hard issues that have taken away my focus on myself, but now I have to get back to self discipline. I have three friends out there who have been encouraging me to write in my blog again, so I am. Tomorrow I am beginning a walking challenge on Sparkpeople.com. I am going to walk 6 miles a day for a month. I also intend to stay in the lower part of my calorie range for the whole month. Hold me accountable my friends!

Yesterday's blog--Grace and Lisa

2008-04-23T06:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was having a sad day. I like ironing when I am sad--there is something soothing in smoothing out the wrinkles of my husband's shirts when I can't smooth out the wrinkles in my life. I decided to call Grace when I was ironing and found out she may not be living near me much longer. That's all it took to make me cry. Luckily Little Man was busy bouncing his bouncy seat and didn't pay any attention to Grandma's tears. Why do I always feel guilty when someone moves out of my life? I think of all the times I was too preoccupied in my own life to get together with Grace...and now I may not have the opportunity much longer. Grace is one of the most creative and intelligent person I have ever known who also possesses a great humility. Most people with her skills, knowledge and beautiful home might be a little proud, but not Grace. She is hospitable, kind, and she is interested in the lives and marriages of others. I love that about her and Roland. She is a great wife, mother and friend. I will miss her and Roland.

I worked every moment yesterday when I wasn't taking care of Conner. Lisa rode with me as I took Conner home, and then she called me last night to see if I wanted to go help her clean offices, which is her part time job. I've been looking for ways to earn extra money, and I always have fun with Lisa, so I went to clean with Lisa last night after I washed up our dinner dishes. Don gave me his blessing, because I was in my processing mode, and all he really wanted to do was click through the channels with his new giant remote that our son gave him for his birthday and maybe play wii....basically not process with me. Lisa and I had fun, and we got a lot of cleaning done really fast. She said that it usually takes longer with a new person, but we finished ontime, and I vacuumed more offices than I needed to vacuum. It was an hour's worth of work, and I made $30--not bad. I actually like cleaning, and as you can see it burns a LOT of calories. Today I hope to do some writing.

A Kindred Heart

2008-04-21T21:39:00.000-07:00

Now I know why we need such a diverse body of believers! I am finding fellowship with a woman with whom I have never spoken, but who could, if I could speak to her, completely understand the grief my heart feels over my son Nathan, who has moved far from us, although he lives just a block away. Ruth Graham, Billy Graham's wife, wrote a beautiful book that reads like a balm to a hurting parent's heart, PRODIGALS AND THOSE WHO LOVE THEM. I wrote away for this book months ago, and had only given it a cursory glance here and there before two weeks ago. Ruth Graham uses scriptures, her own reflections and beautiful poetry to express the agony she went through as several of her own children went through pretty long prodigal seasons. This one I really relate to:

Had I Been Joseph's Mother
Had I been Joseph's mother
I'd have prayed
protection from his brothers
"God, keep him safe.
He is so young, so different from
the others."
Mercifully,
she never knew
there would be slavery
and prison, too.

Had I been Moses' mother
I'd have wept
to keep my little son:
praying she might forget
the babe drawn from the water
of the Nile.
Had I not kept
him for her
nursing him the while,
was he not mine?
--and she
but Pharaoh's daughter

Had I been Daniel's mother
I should have pled
"Give victory!
--this Babylonian horde
godless and cruel--
Don't let him be a captive
--better dead.
Almighty Lord!"

Had I been Mary,
Oh, had I been she
I would have cried
as never mother cried
"Anything, O God,
Anything...
but crucified>'

With such prayers importunate
my finite wisdom would assail
Infinite Wisdom.
God, how fortunate
Infinite Wisdom
should prevail.

By Ruth Graham

A Much Better Day

2008-04-15T19:15:00.000-07:00

I got so much done around the house today that I counted the hours I cleaned house as exercise. I cleaned every minute I wasn't holding or caring for Conner, which was about 3 hours. I cleaned the carpets downstairs and got caught up with the laundry,dusted the piano and other furniture and cleaned bathrooms. Tomorrow and Thursday I want to work outside.

I hope everyone got their taxes done. Don did ours a week ago, and this year all of our sons did their own, so I didn't have to think about taxes today.

Tomorrow I am going to finish up my housework and write for three hours, if all goes as planned. Conner is enjoying his new mobility and plays a lot on his own now. But he still loves being in Grandma's lap.

Today was a much better day.

Beginning Again

2008-04-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

Today is our son Steve's birthday. I didn't get to talk to him, because of his work schedule, but both Don and I left messages on his phone. We are getting together on Friday night for birthday cake for hubby Don and Steve. 27 years ago, I had a precious, sweet little baby boy! He has been easily pleased and very caring towards other people all of these years. I am thankful to know Steve as a man...he is the kind of person I would want for a friend if he wasn't my son.

I had a pretty low day today--I knew it was coming, and I decided to give in to it--for a day. It's one thing to be broken hearted for myself--but it's another thing to see my husband and our whole family broken-hearted. I'm sure Nathan is broken-hearted too, even though no one has heard from him. We have always been a unit....even after we went into different units, especially the brothers. I have always wondered about Jesus saying, "Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted." I have thought a lot about that statement. There is an implication there that we have a choice whether or not we mourn. Maybe denial is a refusal to mourn--"everything is oookay". And when we are in denial, it's not like we don't know there is a problem--we just are not mourning, so we can't be comforted. Today I didn't want to get out of bed. Don had to work, and I don't watch Little Man on Mondays, so I stayed in bed until almost 9. Then I got up and made coffee for son Don who goes to work at 10. (He and I stayed up talking from 1 until 3 this morning...a really good, meaningful conversation.) Anyway, after I finished making the coffee, I went back to bed and stayed there all morning. I can't remember the last time I did that....and I cried out to God. All of the rest of the day I felt sad, but better. Tonight I feel comforted, and Don does too...God is answering prayers. Chris has been so supportive even though he and his brothers are sad about Nathan, too, and Chris and Cameron have been having some of their own stress. I was expecting to see Nathan today--he hasn't picked up his tax forms from here. But I didn't go looking for him...he's a man, and they are his taxes. (Boy, is he going to be mad at himself if he misses out on his tax rebate.)
Tomorrow is a new day...I am beginning again with my daily self-discipline. I actually have been keeping up with most of it this past week...I've been doing my Bible study and prayer, and I've been exercising most days. I have also been doing fairly well with calories. Today, I didn't count calories or exercise. I decided making the bed, picking up and washing the clothes is good enough for today. I put the trash out for Don, since he had to work late. He appreciated that. I got almost everything I needed to do for tomorrow done this afternoon, and I decided to stay up a little late and write in my blog. For a while, I am going to focus on my daily discipline in my blog. I have heard that when we are going through trials, we should rely on our daily routine to feel more normal. Also, I am going to try hard not to be a burden to my loved ones. God can sustain me and meet my needs.

Still needing prayers

2008-04-13T19:15:00.000-07:00

My friends Diane and Chris Sterritt have gone to be with their daughter, Jenn, who fell off of her bicycle at college and broke her jaw in several places. Jenn is a sweet, smart, beautiful girl...and I love her. (I'd love her even if she was surly, not so smart and not so beautiful.) Please pray for Jenn, for Diane and Chris and for Sarah. Pray for their safe return from Nashville, too. Sometimes life gets really hard!

Pray for our youngest son, Nathan, too. He is living on his own now, and his whole family loves and misses him....and we are all concerned for him and his well-being.

Please pray for our whole family. We have a lot to be thankful for, with our little Conner and knowing that Cameron is okay. But we are still concerned for Cameron's health....I want her to start feeling like her old self again. Don and I are having a hard time with all of the stress, but we are dealing with it as a team, relying on God to help us. But we're still upset. Pray that we maintain our discipline and that we not worry. Thanks, friends for your prayers.

Cream Tea with Lisa, Hazel and Conner

2008-04-11T17:46:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful day today, and Conner and I visited our neighbor Hazel with Lisa, my next door neighbor for "cream tea". Hazel is from England, and we love teasing her about it. Lisa and I dressed up and I put on some fancy winter gloves, and we both wore long dresses. Hazel got a kick out of us. She lost her sweet husband, Bob, who was the handyman servant of God in our neighborhood (suddenly, last fall).

I'm cutting this short, because I'm exhausted and I have art class tomorrow. Have a great weekend.

Family Time

2008-04-10T16:51:00.001-07:00

I know I haven't blogged in a long time, but we've been having several things in our family that have taken priority. We found out that my daughter-in-law is okay...she has Bell's Palsey, which is not serious, but the symptoms look like other things, like a brain tumor, which is what we were all concerned about. She had an MRI last Friday, and we found out Tuesday she is okay. That is a huge relief to us all...especially Chris and Cameron.

Our son Nathan moved out on his own over the weekend, which is something he has been wanting to do for a long time. We are praying that he will be able to thrive on his own and that he will be blessed by our Heavenly Father, as he turns to Him for guidance. We will miss him living with us.

Some really great news is that our son Don and his beautiful fiance Elise Swenson are getting married September 27th at our church building. We are all excited and are looking forward to their wedding very much.

Don Sr. has been doing automatic weapons training, hand to hand combat training, counter terrorism training and shotgun training for his new position. I was really nice to him this week! :) Both Don Sr. and Don Jr. have birthdays this week: Sr. 53, Jr. 24! Son Steve's birthday is Monday....he is going to be 27. He got to sit in 1st row at a Caps game--I think it is Caps....one of those pro games, anyway...I'm sure basketball. Can you tell I do water aerobics and watch Dancing with the Stars?

Needing Prayers

2008-04-06T20:04:00.000-07:00

We had a pretty rough weekend. The Christian Writers' conference was wonderful. We have a lot going on at home with our family right now. We would appreciate your prayers.

A Little "Under the Weather"

2008-04-03T22:05:00.001-07:00

I have been away from my computer this week, because I have had some problems with my right hand--I have been having a lupus flare up, and for a couple of days, I couldn't use my right hand, because all of the joints were so painful. I didn't really calculate my calories and I didn't exercise except for walking on Tue afternoon, but today I got back into the swing of things. My hand is still a little sore, but I can use it again.

I had a lot of fun on April Fool's day! I was able to trick: hubby Don,son Nathan, my daughter in law,Cam, my friends Lisa,Lynn, Cynthia and Lisa's daughter, London.
I'm too tired to write about them all, but there was a lot of laughing.

My daughter in law is on my mind tonight. She is having an MRI tomorrow. I'm praying for her...she's been having some confusing symptoms. I think she's okay, but I'm still praying for her. She's more like a daughter to me....we all really love her and need her to be her spunky healthy self! Her mom is on my mind, too. She had a car accident. We were really glad she wasn't injured, but so sorry she messed up her car.

I navigated my way to Ft. Belvoir and got groceries tonight...to my own peril. At one point, people were whizzing by me so fast that I put on my hazard lights. I didn't really feel like going there but Lisa and I are going to Baltimore for the Christian Writers' conference tomorrow night, and I didn't want to leave Don with no healthy food at home. I'll write more next week...have a good weekend.

Running Errands....Spending time with Don....

2008-03-31T16:53:00.000-07:00

Don and I spent the whole day out today, running errands. It was our last Monday off together for some time. He went to do his PT for his new job site and found out that he will be doing a 3 week training course beginning next Monday. I don't like it when our schedule changes. I like my schedule ruts. At least we will have Sat. off together, but this Sat. my friend, Lisa, and I are going to a Christian Writers' conference in Baltimore. Conner's other grandmother will swap her Monday for my Friday, and Lisa and I will leave early for Baltimore. Both of us have signed up for a 15 minute consultation with a writer/instructor in addition to all of the classes. I am hoping that both of us will end up getting some of our writing published. I'm planning on bringing some of my poetry and some other writing I've been doing. Either way, I think we will have fun and learn a lot. We have gone on a couple of trips together, and we always have a good time. This time Lisa won't be speaking, so we won't have to do anything but talk and have fun on the way there.

I didn't focus enough on my food today, as you can see from my calories....I was surprised how they added up. I didn't overeat volume wise or eat emotionally....we just ate breakfast out....and had nuts instead of lunch. Nuts add up!

Wonderful Day

2008-03-30T17:44:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 5 AM and went to the pool this morning....it was great! There were only 3 people when I got there at 6 AM. I worked out for an hour, did some shopping for Bible class, got a coffee and picked Don up early for church. I like being up for a long time before church...my mind was really ready for worship. I think I'm going to do that more often.

Bible class was a lot of fun--think about 20 kids, half boys who are each others' friends! My partner was out, and it took two moms to take her place! Mary Jane is good with keeping the classroom calm--I missed her, but the moms did great. We had a lot to do, and it all got done! Prayer circles was a big group, too. We all had been praying for Bob, so everyone was a little sad. We talked about Heaven though. That's what we talked about in Bible class too. I love kids! They are so honest.

We took our son Steve out to lunch, because we were picking up Don's car from him--his is in the shop. I love spending individual time with our kids. I'm going to quit early tonight....I want time with Don.

Not my will...

2008-03-29T17:25:00.001-07:00

God is always faithful...ready to keep His promise to draw near to us as we draw near to Him. That is what I have discovered time and time again. In the past, I could accomplish some things on my own without leaning on His strength, but now, unless I am walking in constant acknowledgement of my need of Him, then whatever I am doing feels fake, like just going through the motions . I am not satisfied with going through the motions of life anymore...even for one day. I think that is where boredom orginates....in a refusal to draw nearer to God each day...at least in my life. I am not willing to settle for half of an effort in my spiritual life, and I refuse to live a boring existance into my old age. As Romans 12 says, our spiritual form of worship is offering our bodies as a living sacrifice daily, and God promises to renew our minds. We can constantly be renewed until we pass on into our new lives, so boredom should never be an issue....neither should bondage to any earthly thing.

Today in part of my Bible study, I read: "Come all you who are thirsty, come to the waters, and you who have no money, come buy and eat! Come buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear, and come to Me, hear Me, that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David...Seek the Lord while He may be found, call on Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and He will have mercy on him and to our God, for He will freely pardon.
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from Heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed to the sower and bread for the eater, so is My word that goes out from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55
I am asking God to keep it forever in my mind that only He can supply my needs. No matter what it is I think I want or need at any given moment, what satisfies me is being in close fellowship with Him. Worrying certainly doesn't help me or anyone else. I had a much better day today.

Still Blowing It.....

2008-03-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

Hey, friends, I need both your prayers and your admonitions! For the past two days, I have been blowing my diet--after having such a victory last week. I know exactly what the problem is. I haven't been having my time with God this week, and I've been worrying about some family problems going on.
That combination--not drawing near to God and not giving Him my worries--is what gets me off track every time I am doing well with my self discipline. I am repenting now. I will, from this moment on, give my worries over to God and stop stress eating. I am dedicating the next three days to Him--redirecting my life back into His care and putting my Bible study back into top priority. Check in tomorrow night....I will be back on track with my calories and exercise, as long as God is back in control of me. And I'm not missing any more posts.

Learning Manners and Tummy Time with Grandma

2008-03-26T17:11:00.000-07:00

Conner and I had a busy day today. He was happy to see me and gave me his sweetest "Goodmorning, Grandma!" smile. He was happily playing in his little seat with his dangly toys when his tummy decided, "IT IS TIME!" I, being the experienced grandmother that I am, have the timing down! In less than two minutes, I had mixed up a bottle of formula, mixed it with some cereal and fruit and had spooned in the first bite. Conner tasted it with a grimace and let me know he preferred bananas to applesauce...oh, well! Then he did a growl/yell at me because I wasn't spooning fast enough for the Little Prince! I stopped spooning and made my "No-No!" face and said, "Say bite, please, Grandma!" Conner gave me his cutest cereal-all-over-the-face smile, and he had me! But neither did he growl at me anymore....of course I was scooping it in pretty quickly!

Then we did "tummy-time"! (which he hates!) When my kiddos were babies, it was okay to put them down on their tummies to sleep. Not so anymore--evidently all of the kids over say, 25 years old, should have not made it to two years old, because they slept on their tummies. As a result of the new sleeping rules, Conner loves his back and hates his tummy. I want him to learn to roll, and the doctor recommends tummy time. We should call it screaming on his tummy time....with Grandma turning him over and over like a little pancake, clapping her hands like a dummy, and saying with animation, "Yea! Conner!!!" Finally I gave up and took a folding clothes break, leaving him hollering on his tummy. Conner got quiet, so I peeked around the corner to see him on his BACK, playing with his feet contentedly!
Yea! Conner! SO like a Grandma, I wanted to SEE him do it, so I turned him back over! BIG MISTAKE! Tummy time was over--until tomorrow!

Sanity returned today....and I walked even though I'm having a lupus flare up.
Now I know why I was so tired yesterday. I'm going to bed early...

Momentary Loss of Sanity

2008-03-25T17:19:00.000-07:00

I blew it tonight....I wasn't myself all day. I was worn out from the weekend, but I still got caught up with the laundry and cleaned two out of three levels of our townhouse. But just before I left the house to take Conner home, Don got mad at me because I didn't call him at work to give him an important phone message--he usually calls me a lot during the day, so I thought he would today as well. Conner was extra fussy, so I didn't notice he didn't call me until he walked through the door. Evidently he had been checking his cell phone all day to see if he had received any messages. And I didn't remember my son had paid me some money he owed me and argued the point with him for a bit, too, before remembering...and had to apologize. I don't mind apologizing to my son....but I've been trying to hold him accountable, so that was a bit sticky.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I had planned to walk, but it was too cold and windy. So I came home to warm up and go to water aerobics, but when I walked up the stairs--Don was teaching downstairs--there was the big Easter basket that was meant for all of my grown children and daughter in law, fiance and girlfriend . Of course, they didn't take to THEIR homes any little chocolate eggs--they left them for the boys who live here! Right! Anyway, I kind of went crazy for a few minutes! So I'm mad at myself now. If I stop now, I won't gain any weight back, so I'm announcing that I am stopping....NOW! I'm watching the Biggest Loser and then going to bed. Check in on me tomorrow!

Our old dog....and another flat tire!

2008-03-24T19:03:00.000-07:00

Today Don took Charlie to be groomed and the two of us went to pick him up. He's getting really old. Most of the hair he has now is gray, but he still loves looking out the window. He climbs as high up as he can get and sticks his head way out the window. Now that the kids are moving out, getting married, etc., Charlie values all of the attention Don and I give him. He's always loved anyone who will pay attention to him....and we all love him. He's 13 years old, but he still acts like a puppy.

Don and I went to Bull Run Park and walked, and Don played Frisbee golf. I had ANOTHER flat tire yesterday on the way to church. Again, I didn't feel it. I thought the alignment was off on my car. That is the fourth flat I've had since summer. This time dry rot caused the flat, and my tires were supposed to be new--they have tread still. So Goodyear replaced it free of charge! I'm just thankful I wasn't out with Little Man when I had the flat. Don and I went to pick up Steve for church in Sterling yesterday, because the clutch is out on his car. I knew the car wasn't handling right, but I didn't know the tire was flat. Someone on the shuttle told me. So we rode home with Chris and Cam after church and then took Don's car back to change the tire.

Don didn't get to go to the graveside service for Bob Saturday, so I took him over to see the grave. I loved it that Bob chose to be buried in a plain casket with a cross on top. That says everything about what Bob valued in life, I think.

Three Days and God's Grace

2008-03-24T11:34:00.001-07:00

I believe this past weekend will end up being a defining moment in many people's lives. I know it was in mine. I have been profoudly affected by Bob's life....and by Tresa's faith, love and strength. And I know that God is the One to be praised for those things. Bob's life was celebrated even as all of our hearts were broken by his loss and the loss for Tresa and their children. Bob's and Tresa's family anf friends, our church family and Bob's FBI family joined together to give praise and glory to God, who worked mightily in Bob's life--as He wants to do in all of our lives. That is what Bob wanted. I will never forget Bob's life or his funeral for the rest of my life.

God and I had an experience together this weekend....I have been dealing with many things...and in the three days I spent with God in prayer, in study and in praise, God put me in a place of peace and confidence in His love and in His willingness to work in me and in my family. He is taking my burdens from Me, and I want to thank Him and praise Him for that.

Also, I'm still in awe at the demonstrations of God's love in the entire weekend. Darla Robinson came home from her mother's funeral and immediately gave herself in service in Bob's funeral. She is God's servant. Lisa Girourard gave herself in every aspect of planning and serving during the entire process of preparing for Bob's funeral. Cindy Jeter, Teresa McCain, Lynn Belknap,Ellyn Sergio,Lisa Bosley, Bruce Black, Angelia Hennesey and others gave endlessly and tirelessly to make everything happen--when they were exhausted, hurting emotionally and sick (in Bruce's case) and in extreme pain (in Lisa's case). People traveled from all over the world to be here. Bruce Chadwick used the "gift" of his progressive and physically debilitating illness to minister to our brother, who had to face his own physical debilitation unexpectedly. Bruce knows what it is like to want to run and be active but instead have to be helpless when your body goes through a sudden decline. Only Bruce could befriend Bob in that way. I am in awe. This love does not happen outside of Christ. I am in awe of my Heavenly Father and His love for us--that He loved us so much that He gave His only Son--so that we might not perish but have everlasting life....as Bruce spoke about Sunday. I was sitting with my dear family--with two missing, one because he was at his own church with his fiance and one because he didn't want to be there--and I was surrounded by the love of my family and the love of God and the love of my church, knowing that my Heavenly Father, the Creator of everything, loved all of us so much that He gave His ONLY Son...so that we could be with Him forever. How could I ever ask for more?

Focusing on Him for three days

2008-03-20T09:42:00.001-07:00

I want to let you know, I won't be blogging until Sunday. I have been praying and I am convinced that I need to take the next three days and dedicate my time to God, praying for Bob's family, and praying for my own. I'm also going to be praying for our church family. The point is, I believe God is leading me to take the focus off of myself for the next three days and focus on Him--relying on Him, and praying.
I will be holding myself to my committment with my eating and exercise, and I will let you know on Sunday night if I honored that. I just am not going to spend time on the computer doing this until Sunday night. God bless you all, and I hope everyone has a blessed and special Easter, especially those who I won't be seeing to spend the holiday with. God bless you, and thank you for reading my blog and encouraging me. You'll never know what it means to know you are out there in cyberspace helping me change something, with the help of God, that has been holding me back for a lifetime. Jerri

When it rains......

2008-03-19T19:29:00.000-07:00

It was really good to be with our church family tonight. It was so good to come in on a Wed. night and see so many there, on purpose, to help get things ready for two funerals and Easter. Bruce's choice of songs and scripture for the devotional were perfect, and everyone was so warm and loving, helpful to each other. That's the way families are supposed to be--pulling together, being there for each other. It's always been that way with our church family. I don't know what we would ever have done without it. I don't know what people do without that kind of love and caring on a large scale. We should never take it for granted.

On a pathetic note, today I was standing in the checkout line at the commissary at Ft. Belvoir when I noticed a book: The Complete Idot's Guide to Healthy Relationships! Alrighty then.......have we stooped SO low as a culture....that we need the advice of a self-proclaimed "complete idiot"? Uh, I guess I'm the idiot....rereading the title....the book is written FOR the complete idiot, who wants to have a healthy relationship! OH! Alrighty then..... No, I didn't buy the book! (I was re-reading the title in my brain--I'm not a COMPLETE idiot!)

Pray for Don to get the right job for him--evidently the financial analyst 2 job wasn't the right one. They want to submit him on some more jobs, but as of right now, Don is planning to transfer over as a security officer. He has to train on automatic weapons and some others. He may have to work a night shift again for a while, but he will retain his seniority. Also, pray about another decision we have to make....when it rains, it pours...literally, I guess,judging by today. The rain felt right with everything going on.

He cares!

2008-03-18T22:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this is the reason I write my blog....and I'm not going to make excuses. I didn't even try with my diet after about three today. It started with two pieces of left over carrot cake with Don, which didn't put me over by much, but then I ate meat at dinner (I've been eating a vegetarian diet) and I didn't exercise. I also ate rice and green beans (not much and only half of a pork chop.) But later I ate cashews and five crackers and two slices of cheese. It is 1:50 in the morning, and I'm stopping....and I'm not starting to eat like that tomorrow. It doesn't help that I'm feeling really down today for several reasons, but I've already proven to myself that food doesn't really help. I also have been avoiding my Bible all day. I'm not mad at God, but I just don't want to go there. Which means I need to. So I am. I'll post again tonight. If anyone else is feeling sad and down, let's all draw near to God so that He will draw near to us. He is the only answer, and He cares.

Goodbye for Now......

2008-03-17T20:12:00.000-07:00

Probably by the time I wrote my blog last night, our dear brother, Bob Roth, had gone to be with God. I didn't find out until this afternoon, but I woke up during the night several times last night and prayed for Bob and Tresa. I know why Paul's friends cried when they realized they wouldn't see his face again. I feel that way about Bob. The last time I got to talk to him was at the elders' reception. He was hopeful that he would make it then. He said that the doctors couldn't find any cancer in his body at that time, and he was resting on that. I told him I was glad to hear he was "resting". I had been waiting to talk to him, because so many people were around him. I'm glad I was able to talk to him again, because I won't get to see his face again until I get to Heaven. I'm sure there will be a crowd around him there too! :)

I remember a lot of things about Bob. I remember him being a teen worker when my boys were teenagers. I remember his testimony about how he used to be an unbeliever and then how he came to faith....his intellectual approach to accepting the gospel. I remember his classes on Christian evidences and The Case for Christ that my son and my husband took together. I remember how brilliantly he shared his faith in God.
I remember he and Tresa taking the youth skiing the first time our oldest son ever went skiing. They came up and told me about their experience with Chris. What they told me didn't surprise me at all.... They said Chris went on the beginner's slope only one time and then took the expert slope the next time. They skiid down after him...and found one ski in one snow bank, one ski in another, hat and gloves and then Chris, slumped in the snow under a tree. They got him all together and brought him home, just a little sore.

I remember the year Bob and Karin Kerby were chosen by the youth group to speak at the senior banquet. I remember Bob talking about his relationship with Tresa and how much they loved each other, and how they had waited a long time for their marriage. He encouraged the seniors to wait for marriage and to marry a person who loved God first. For years I watched Bob and Tresa bring their babies into worship, and I have always loved seeing them become great parents. When I was first finding out I have lupus, Bob asked me every week how I was doing, and he told me that he and his daughter were praying for me. I knew they were, too.

Then I decided Bob was an angel one day when he and Tresa rescued me and my kids off of 66, when I had a flat tire and couldn't get the lug nuts off of our van on the way home from Camp WAMAVA. Tresa took a few of the kids home and Bob waited with me and the boys until the tire was changed and rode back to Centreville with us. He warned me about how dangerous it was to be broken down on the side of the road.

Then, on 9/11, Bob was a comfort to our congregation. Seeing him calmly sitting in worship with his family, made us feel safer. I looked for them every Sunday.

Throughout his ordeal with cancer, Bob has been faithful, wanting to glorify God with what he was experiencing. He has been an example of courage and faithfulness, and so has Tresa. His children have a legacy of faith that they will be able to remember throughout their life. We need to be there for them and Tresa, as Bob has always been there for our children and our congregation.

We have a great cloud of witnesses, as my friend Becky has said. Bill Edwards, Helen Baither,Chris Baither, Margie Hampton, Betty Bridges,Sarah Bergquist, Dave Callerman, Carmello Caffi, Tim Keesling....and others whose faces I can see in my mind....and now our brother Bob Roth....all spending time with Moses, and David, and Paul, and Peter....and Jesus. It is amazing...sad for everyone today....but awesome for Bob! Let's pray and be there for Tresa and the children.

A Sad Day...with hope for eternity...

2008-03-16T18:04:00.000-07:00

Today was a sad day for us at church. The focus was on worship and Heaven, but all of us were thinking and praying for Bob, Tresa and the children. One of their children is in my Bible class, and we talked about the resurrection of Christ in class. We talked a lot about eternal life. We hope that our lesson was comforting to our little friend. The children were all talking and praying about Bob in Prayer Circles too. Little Brennan Schwamb asked us to pray for his sister, and he told me something technical that was wrong with her lungs. I said, "That must be scarey." He answered, "It is until you get used to it!" (Brennan is in the 1st grade.) I am amazed at how children can word things simply and efficiently when we adults struggle to express ourselves.....of such is the kingdom of Heaven.

Then, tonight, we heard Darla Robinson's mom died. It was expected, but it never really is when your mom dies. Pray for Darla, too.

Bob is now in the hospital in hospice care. Pray for all involved--that God will be glorified. That is Bob's and Tresa's wish.

Cooking and Conner

2008-03-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

Today I cooked all day getting ready for a get together at our friends Grace and Roland's house. I love going to their house, because it is so warm and friendly, relaxed and cozy. I love getting together with them and the Kerns who were in our original small group. Now we only meet once in a while, but whenever we do, it's great. Tonight we brought Conner with us, because we had agreed to watch him this evening for Chris and Cameron while they went over to friends' house. We all passed him around. He loved it. Now it's Spring break, so I won't see them until next Sunday for Easter. That's weird. I'm used to seeing them most days.

I'm going to turn my house upside down, then turn it inside out and then back rightsid in and upside right....and then baby proof it and paint it--all in one week.

The only exercise I got today was cooking and carrying Conner around. I need to do more tomorrow...I missed two days of exercise. I ate well though.

Still praying for Bob and Tresa and their kids. Bob's port came loose, so they had to take him to the doctor yesterday. That's the last thing I heard.

Have a blessed Lord's Day tomorrow.